The Phoenix Arises - The Dragon Emerges

There is such a powerful connection to the New Year. It is a great tradition celebrated by everyone on the planet. We have such a blessing being able to see celebrations all over the planet. Fireworks spread from Sydney to Moscow to Beijing to Rio de Janeiro. The New Year brings longer days. The New Year brings love and joy and kisses and reunions and death and transformation and awakenings. Life is full of hopes and promises and sunrises, all because of the New Year.

The Phoenix arises. There is a great comfort that the Earth we live on has seasons. It is such a comfort to have snow on the ground that is filled with sleeping seeds. It is rising from the ashes of burned fall leaves fertilizing the cold earth. The chrysalis that is formed around the wounded is hardening but the soft wings of redemption and renewal are forming their bright colors. There is a reason why the hearts and minds of humanity mimic nature. We all experience transformation in order to learn. But what we choose to do with that revelation is up to us.

In the year 2013, there were so many strange events that happened and so many unusual world events. This was the warmest year globally in recorded human history. We had more tragedies and continued war in the Middle East and Syria. The U.S. Government shut down, but it is still not fixed. Another super typhoon devastation hit, this time in the Philippines. Human stem cells were finally successfully cloned. We lost Margaret Thatcher and Nelson Mandela. Pope Benedict XVI resigned. And we experienced a great tragedy with the Boston Marathon bombing. We now have drones killing people in retaliation for suicide bombings. We have extremist groups (mainly Muslim) attacking large-scale bombings and assaults, like the one at the Kenyan mall and the many bombings in Nigeria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and Dagestan. There was an 8.0 earthquake off the coast of the Solomon Islands. Lance Armstrong admitted to “doping” and lost his titles. Same-sex marriage was legalized in the U.K. Estonia is the first country to implement nationwide electric car outlets. A 2 year old girl in the U.S. is the first ever to be actually cured of AIDS. France passes same-sex marriage. North Korea declares war with South Korea. Brazil passes same-sex marriage, while Russia makes it illegal for same-sex couples to adopt Russian children. Croatia becomes the 26th state in the E.U. Detroit, Michigan files for bankruptcy. The Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons wins the Nobel Peace Prize. A 7.7 earthquake devastates Pakistan. We end up having another school shooting here in Colorado—the shooter killed both a senior in high school and himself. But in spite of the state of the World being in complete chaos, the Dow and S&P both hit record highs. If we were to go only based on the state of World affairs, we would all be doomed. But I also truly see a pattern in the increase of awareness and enlightenment.

We celebrated the March Against Monsanto this year. We woke up our own nation to marital equality. We are finally addressing medical insurance and care, even though our first round of Obamacare V. the Insurance Racket is still up for grabs and not even closely settled. Facebook still is number one in Social Media and has become the greatest experiment in social anarchy of all times. Giant corporations keep getting stronger, we keep feeding into the system of Materialism, but banks are no longer getting any bailouts (save for the country of Cyprus). Winter still came and is freezing the Northern Hemisphere. But life still goes on.
Now is the time to hibernate. Now is the time to reflect and write. Now is the time to light the hearth fires warming the hearts of the lost and downtrodden. Now is the time to go within and start another year of awakening souls to the spreading awareness and renewal of Spirit.

New Year Resolutions—Creating the Fire of Passion

For 2014, I am dedicated to spread the message of Awakening. I want to open the network of high-minded people so we can reconstruct the norms--the popular, shallow lifestyle of convenience, processed foods, hiding behind computer screens, plastic money, instant gratification and a la carte religion; we need to find a way to open a new forum. The past seems so far away with the lightning speed of internet modernity. The traditional ways of keeping our heads in the sand while Big Corporate America tells us how to think are also over. So we have no choice but to find a new paradigm. For me personally, this reflects in how I run my life, relate to my family, and deal with both the past and the future—our job is to stir the pot. My first intention in 2014 is to get real. Honesty and spiritual reflection. It’s worth the effort. Try it.

I am living exactly the life I expected to live. I still have unfinished business. Yet in this time of renewal, those tasks I must finish are also the very things I strive to accomplish because they are a part of my quest. It has taken longer than I expected to fulfill my visions and manifest my values. I have had a list of accomplishments to complete. Here are the ones I know I am committed to complete this year and beyond:

1. Finish all my classes to complete my Doctorate. So, according to the plan, I have 2 Organic Chem classes, 2 Physics classes and Anatomy and Physiology. In order to do so, I also have to finish the reviews of Biology and Chemistry. So I have my work cut out for me. Especially at 45. But anything is possible. And I am forever the believer in the possible.
2. Attend my daughter Jacquelyn’s high school graduation. My hope is to first take my kids on one last vacation to Florida to see my son Christopher, THEN we watch Jacqui graduate, THEN we celebrate our new life together…my children will ALL be adults! Jacqui turns 18 in August!

3. This leads to the next task: To finish my memoirs about my life in the last 14 years. I left my children at age 30 so I could live after surviving a terrible marriage and abusive prison. I endured losing my identity because there was a need for power and control from my partner. The last three years of marriage sent me into a deep depression. Either I left and regained who I was or stayed and lost everything…so I left. And now, after a decade and a half, I have come full circle, reunited with my children, found my true love and created the life I manifested. I allowed my pain to transform. I gave myself permission to let go. And now I can share this with everyone I love.

4. Complete the screenplay I started in 2013. I know it is worth it. I also know how valuable it will be when completed. I look forward to the day I see it produced!

5. Spread the word about Mannatech. I work for a company that has found a scientific way to tap into the body’s natural renewal systems. I personally know what it can do, how it helps people get their lives back, and how it will lead Mark and I into the new phase of our life. I have committed to those I have been teaching. I am committed to find those who want to lead. Everyone wins. It’s a blessing to be able to bring nutrition and health to so many, and in the process, work for a company that offers nutrition to thousands of starving children. One day we will see millions fed by what we are doing. This is my motivation—to help my family and the future of our world. I love my job!

6. I will be a rock and a strong leader for our family. I have always been blessed to see a light at the end of every tunnel. It will be a year of change. I will continue to support and love our daughter Virginia, who is in college and needs our strength and health knowledge. I will continue to grow our relationships with our daughter Jacquelyn and support our son Christopher, who is in the Navy. And I will spend time visiting and connecting with our combined family. This year, I will be making our home, finding a place to grow our hearts, our garden and our friendships. I will solidify our beliefs and finding our spiritual center.

7. I am working an amazing part-time job that I love dearly. I love working at a doll store, making young girls so happy. But I know that the only way to true joy for me is to turn my work and trade into a more meaningful pursuit. Yes, it is fun to work at a place of such joy. But it is even better to create ways to heal people. All my work will be aligned accordingly.

8. I will tend my first full-NON-GMO garden. This is a lot of work. But it is worth the effort. My intention is to create a unified place for anyone to share in a truly community-based process. There will be other great intentional projects to do as well: making tinctures, processing our own sauces, brewing our own mead, and making community meals.

9. It’s time to travel again! Next plan, this summer, I am taking my children to Orlando to see Universal Studios and visit the Harry Potter Kingdom. It’s a destination for my family. I raised them all on Harry Potter. It will be a momentous reunion!! This is also the first reunion of my children and I since our last vacation to Miami in 2007. The summer of 2007 was the last time we were all together and the time I missed being with them was horrific for me. Christopher moved back to his father’s that school year and I was kept from seeing him for 5 years. It was traumatic, but as I stated, because the marriage and family system were based on my ex’s feelings and mine were always disregarded, it was typical. I am sad I lost all that time with my children. But now, it is more important that I let them know who I am and how strong I have become. This reunion will be the way to show that to them even more.

10. Every good New Year’s resolution would not be complete without a commitment to go to the gym. Since last year I attended a gym I wasn’t thrilled to attend—and I couldn’t get there regularly—I am searching for a place that is more like me. I love dancing! I have taken to Rumba classes and would also love ballet again. Looking into Denver’s possibilities. Next year, I can attend more through the University.

11. I have always fluctuated in my spirituality, but it has remained strong. My goal this year is to be more consistent in learning what my heart longs to find. I am seeking a balanced life that allows me to live unconditionally. I am limited. I am human. I have pursued a life of giving. This path was set for me long ago. And in my transformation, I have stayed strong in loving others as I love myself. I have been given the blessing of understanding that wisdom. I know there are many who cannot accept that part of me—I cannot love those who choose hate, jealousy, narcissism. There is nothing I can do to change their paths. But I can still be true to my own nature.

12. The greatest gift I can give to myself this year, and to those who know me and may even read what I write, is the gift of allowance. I allow myself permission to complete the tasks set out before me. I allow myself the blessing of a healthy body, a sound mind, an amazing family and a strong marriage. I allow myself to be true to my nature, intellectually and emotionally. I allow my life to flourish. I am not competing with anyone else. I am not succumbing to having to have “stuff” I don’t need. I don’t need to be anyone else. I am so grateful for this revelation. And to my friends, family and those who can’t see beyond their own images or perceptions of me, I promise I am going to continue to love, to teach, to parent, to learn, to pursue, to be a great wife and mother, to be a passionate leader, and to stand up for those who need a voice. It will be another wonderful year of getting to know what the Universe has in store for each and every one of us!

Wishing everyone an amazing New Year! Blessings to you all!

The Warming Fire of Protection: Dragons as Parents

As I watch my dragon child leave the cliffs for the first time, I am aware that she is constantly watching me watching her. Her fragile wings and graceful twists and turns are all part of her youth, both to be admired and protected as her guardian. I am constantly aware of my own fragile scales, but they are hardened with years of battle scars and raging fires. I know of the pain of losing my other children to dragon hunters who find us dragon parents to be too scary, too easily turned into a horrible creature rather than seen as compassionate and loving. And as I watch my little dragon do flips and breathe the fire of childhood and happiness, I am convinced once more of my role as teacher, travel guide and mother.

A few days ago, we watched a scene where a pair of sibling lions were separated from their parents and one of the siblings died. It was not only horrific for the brother lion in the story, but for me, it was even more horrific to watch my little dragon break down into sobbing tears over the loss of another creature. Her other-mommy dragon comforted her while I was playing guardian and even in the hours that followed, no comfort could console our little fire-breather. She understands the importance of the life/death/life cycle. She knows in her gigantic heart that we are all connected to the earth and all creatures and all elements are part of this cycle. But it is still that moment of pain that cracks through my thickened scales to watch our child cry that awakens my nurturing protection. I am humbled by the responsibility.

As the sun strikes high in the afternoon sky and we adventure through the cold winter skies of a latent Spring, I can feel my claws and wing tips become numb in the cold snowing winds of the mountains. But as we head back to our cave to gather warmth and prepare for sleep, my thoughts are not on my own discomfort but are on protecting, feeding and warming my child with the Fire of Protection. I may be a warrior and have a warrior family clan, but I am still first and foremost a Dragon Mother.

The Dragon Mother As Protector

Dragon parents are fierce. We have been wounded in battles over our lives, with our family, our children, or our social environments. Unlike socially complacent parents, we fight against the system that destroys loyalty and honor and that separates us from our Unconditional Source. We are bent on training our children to be independent, educated, higher-minded and to fight for what is right in society. And we are protective against those mobs of social bullying that push our little creatures into states of fight or flight because of society's shallow judgments and fear-based restrictions. We must create connections between all our warrior clans, protect the wounded Dragons that are beaten down by loss and kicked out of their social circles by judgments, and help each other thrive and heal the wounds of depression and hopelessness.

I have been a blessed mother. I have four children and dozens of adopted children. I have felt true Unconditional Love and the strength of protection as a mother and a teacher-guide for all of them at one point or another. I am closest to my oldest biological child, my truly fiery dragon, because she and I are first and foremost so much alike but also because we lived together the longest. I was able to be a strong influence on her independence and raise her to be a warrior as well. I know it was circumstantial: she would never had been able to be such a fighter if we didn't have to fight so hard to be together, to be independent and to stand up for what was right in spite of the family dynamics. The constant battlegrounds in court, with her father, with her extended family, and even between the two of us when life had become tragic and beyond difficult, were stages set for her training as she built her strong personal convictions into the fabric of her every day life. The best part is, she is as lethal as they come as a maturing dragon: beautiful, genius AND higher minded! I feel sorry for any man who tries to take advantage of her in any way...

I am also blessed, by the way, because as three Dragon parents, we have created a loving and nurturing environment for our youngest daughter (the one who cliff dives), balanced by love and untainted by jealousy or one-up-manship. This I am discovering is rare. And my two children who are living in a blended family don't have these examples of co-parenting because they are raised in an "Us V. Them" way. My entire biological family has actually been restricted from being a part of my two middle children's upbringing. They will thus have to decide as adults whether to heal those wounds within themselves. This has been their path to endure and my passion for their cause is smoldering and endless.

My son who is now at adulthood is becoming quite the fire-breather. He is learning to stretch his wings of compassion and testing the winds of young love. He is a strong, athletic creature with quite the brilliant mind. He is tall and handsome and outgoing. He knows he is learning to become an honorable man, but my goal is now to challenge him. He needs to be shown the intense passion for loyalty and given the Unconditional Love of true spiritual connection. He has had lessons of separation, disappointment and struggles among his blended family. But I am excited to introduce him to our littlest dragon and show him the dynamic that allows our warrior natures to be completed with selfless sacrifice. It is not enough to be a loving parent if one cannot be able to show your child they are the most important blessing on the planet. And in order to convey that lesson, a Dragon parent must understand that it is not ONE child above another but rather that ALL our children are greater than any gold or treasure on this earth. I am excited to show him this lesson!

My younger daughter who is a beautiful, charming and loving woman, even as a teenager, is the dragon child that needs my strongest attention to learn how to use her wings. She is content currently within her own structure, her sheltered environment and her minimal independence. But there will come a time when she is going to want to soar in her life. This requires a dragon parent strong enough to allow her the time to strengthen these wings and not be bombarded with fear and limitations. Leaving the nest as a young adult who has been constantly controlled in their allowance to grow can lead to 2 things: a limited sense of self that doesn't give the child enough tools to live independently or a sudden sense of freedom that brings about fear of the unknown or reckless abandon, both of which attract stronger and faster predators. Young adults who are "sheltered" are wounded from the start as adults if they cannot battle against greater enemies. It may seem to many reading that this is a "negative" prediction, but the truth is the REAL world is cruel and unforgiving and jealous and leads many innocents away by sabotage and dominant bullying. How can a sweet young child be protected from the big bad world of college, work, industry and corruption? They can't. The ONLY solution is to teach them wisdom and the dangers that lay ahead, pitfalls to avoid, and give them the training to fight oppression and control. These are tools of strengthening the Soul and they are not pretty--facing a wounded world takes courage and all Dragon parents need to be prepared to fight for their children.

Wounded Children--Spoiling, Separating, Denying and Attacking the Dragon Parent's Integrity

Many of my friends are great parents in conservative environments. Many of them have given their children what they had always wanted and often because of financial abundance, what is not truly necessary--luxury things like electronics and cars, vacations, private lessons, summer camps, the latest fashion items, you name it. But if the recipients are not grateful, are spoiled or are used to such gifts and use them to look down upon others, they don't have a perceived value on them. I am guilty of having done this. I got my oldest a cell phone under my contract three separate times with three separate companies. I didn't train her discipline with these gifts and her lack of perceived value extended my generosity into overuse of what I could afford.

Each time I lost my own phone contract as well because I couldn't afford to pay the extensive overages and lost the privilege because of these unrealistic 2-year contract deals. The last time was the hardest on me because I was so poor at the time, I could barely make the payments on both phones. She wouldn't help pay for the already committed contract, went and got her own phone and service, and then I lost my phone due to lack of money AND have an exorbitant bill now to pay for adding her additional phone line and breaking the contract after only a year. Thousands of dollars later, I am grateful I can only extend the privilege so far and have chosen to only handle my own service. I learned my lesson. But it has severely wounded my financial situation, and I haven't taught my daughter anything about responsibility in this case. But as a Dragon parent, I am solid now and will not give something to any of my children without it being for a good cause or a rational or imperative reason. My generosity is as great as the gold in my cave but it is more important to teach a great lesson in responsibility than to give abundantly.

As a single parent, this is a common theme. Living on the edge of poverty and complete ruin for several years, I am consciously aware of the difficulty most parents have in raising children alone. As a Dragon parent, however, I am a fighter and still have a strength of conviction that many parents would have lost a long time ago. And because of my strength and my passion to be as vocal and public about my life as possible, I frighten many of the enemies that attack in mob mentality style with pitchforks! In fact, I too lost my social "status" in society when I left my husband. Nobody cared about why I left. Nobody supported my cause not to die, but they grabbed there farm tools and chased me as far away as they could. These wounds are why I write and teach so many today.

For instance, it was really humorous the other day when my youngest dragonette (the one that lives with her father) sent me a picture of herself with Disney mouse ears from Florida this week and I received some weird text message that said "Why u put mom and kate on same message? You just gave her mom's phone number". Now mind you I am her mother, so I didn't understand who the message was for or about or why. I didn't recognize the number, but I am not used to being called by my name, so I responded to the text, "Who is this?" Suddenly I received a call from the daughter in Florida saying her father had called her and said I was HARASSING him! Oh my.

I was in a meeting at the time and burst into laughter. I thought I was going to cough up a fireball! I am apparently the big bad scary Dragon that is so intent on destroying someone's fantasy idea that I am "evil"...and even though my daughter did NOT actually forward me anyone's phone number (i.e. her step-mother), I wouldn't have given a care anyway, because I don't think twice about that person. Apparently the ex-husband has some sense of false importance in believing that I would "harass" him and his wife. Fear-based and irrational, but I see why. I am scary. I am strong and always have been. And truth is, I was wronged by them, in more ways than I have time to write about in this message. But I could only laugh, call my daughter and assure her I have no intention of "harassing" anyone, and my response to my ex was, "I am not harassing you (name of father). And have a good day. Namaste." Truth is, my life is so wonderful I wouldn't even care if they began their campaign to separate the children and I again...because I KNOW my children all now know the Truth and how much I truly love them Unconditionally.

Remember Shrek? I absolutely love how the writers allowed the big bad ogre to actually enjoy being scary! I am one of those parents. I am dangerous because of my scars--the more they throw their spears and stab with their pitchforks, the stronger I become. The more I am harassed by religion, false accusations, and judged, the greater my ability to be Unconditionally Loving and the stronger my resolve and the louder my voice. I know too many parents who have lost children in terrible battles like mine. But it is in these battles that a truly honorable and loving parent becomes the fire-breather and the protector.

After my last several relationship disasters (see previous blogs) I have also picked up other strengths as well, including legal knowledge, martial arts (I once took up kickboxing and now I am in beginning Tai Chi again with my wonderful partner!), and prolific publishing and writing. My Dragon-self resolves to be the best at everything I do for myself and as an example--I am in much better shape physically, I am healthy and strong and eat primarily raw foods or those we cook ourselves, I work and play hard, and I laugh abundantly. More importantly I have connected Wisdom, Spirituality and Compassion for those who have suffered from these bullying mobs of society. The analogy is so blatantly revived now in children's cinema--even in How To Train Your Dragon where the young protagonist had to defend his friendship with such a lethal creature, which caused the villagers to try and kill the offensive creatures. And we see the same theme in movies where people become afraid of the "monster" they have envisioned and feared. Truth is, with any wild creature, there should be an element of fear! My adorable and loving partner has the sense to know this of me, but he too can be a fighting Dragon parent, AND he has the skills to prove it.

In an online article I read about the "10 Step-Family Dragons" from the Step And Blended Family Institute (http://www.stepinstitute.ca/stepfamily_dragons.php) I of course immediately went to the section on division and badmouthing. My experience was thus as written: The Lack of Co-Parenting and Badmouthing Between Ex-Spouses: Few parents have a concrete co-parenting plan but desperately need one. Many indulge in bad-mouthing of the other parent. Badmouthing hurts the child deeply and the child’s self-esteem for life because one parent is saying the other half of the child is “bad”. The parent who is badmouthed does not know how to neutralize badmouthing. Often children are made to judge, and often choose, between their blood parents. Our society has no remedy for the consequences of this. Children grow up one-sided. And they are made to "choose" sides, which often leads to wounded and unprotected children attracting life lessons that will challenge their beliefs. Even though many of the estranged or ousted parents are not able to recover from the separation, the opposite occurs in Dragon parents. Thus it is truly important to create support among those parents who are wounded or find themselves unable to parent. It takes a village to raise a child, but it often breaks a village when the child is separated from his or her protector. And it is truly damaging to children when they are bullied into fear of any kind, but it is seriously the most damaging by the ones that are supposed to protect them.

Solutions to Dragon Parenting--Balancing the Elements

First and foremost, Dragon Parents, stop emotional blackmail. If you find yourself or another parent doing it, find out how to stop it. I was not always perfect, but I am continually focusing on what I CAN do now as a parent rather than what I CAN'T do. So instead of emotionally harboring anger (even if it is righteous!), I let my own life be an example of joy for my children!

Second, create your own loving and abundant cave of wonders. Why would your children want to leave the safety of the environment if your home is loving and giving? I am not talking about money. Even if you have it, why spend it on frivolous buy-offs? If your job or career or company is keeping you from raising your children properly, why are you doing it? Can there be another option? If you are constantly having to fight to pay a mortgage, car payment, credit card debts or other assorted bills, isn't this detracting your purpose from a healthy and balanced family life? And is your lifestyle robbing your joy from your partner/spouse as well? What steps can you do, even if it is one at a time, to remedy these life conditions that are taking away your vitality?

Third, let's talk about your Earth-physical self. This is truly important and I will explain. Parents who are buying into the current systems of health destruction (often referred to in the United States as Big Pharma, Big Tobacco, Big Agro and Big Medicine) are MISSING major elements of healthy living that are depleting their families. First, we are a fast-food nation. If every strong parent learned to walk away from fast food, even if it is a majority of the time and not all of the time, you are doing greater than the rest of the country! 70 Percent of our nation right now is overweight!! So, parents who are willing to fight, you must make life changes that will adjust your thinking and change the training you are giving your children! What are you putting into your own body? What do you allow them to eat?? Are you eating foods with GMO's? Are you living off of processed foods? Can you find a way to cut down or get rid of something unhealthy, like video games and even cable TV, in order to put your food intake first and create healthier meals? Will you be strong enough to fight the generation of spoiled children and wrong messages by giving your kids the responsibility to cook, clean, do chores and be able to teach them independent living? If you don't know how to cook, learn!!!

Next, what activities are you showing your kids that you do? If you have to quit smoking, that should come first. Period. Nobody in their right mind in this country or anywhere on the planet should continue to smoke cigarettes. Next, are you going to the gym, walking to and from work, or doing at least 15-30 minutes worth of exercise a day? Or at least 3 times a week to prevent heart attacks or diseases? And do you get your children to do physical activities or are they stuck watching television? And what are you doing for your sanity? Do you have hobbies that are examples for your children? Do you make quality time for them or are you too self-absorbed? Do NOT give me any lip about being too busy, especially you single parents. I sacrificed so much of my time and attention for my children and gave up many of my own activities to spend time with them. I gave up buying things for myself to take them on vacations. I gave up single living and dating in times when I needed to put my kids first. Again, I wasn't perfect, but my fire to create the right home for them was blazing, even in my struggling when I was living an unhealthy lifestyle. They were able to see me transform and I am grateful! So start now.

So as your Earth-physical environment is being examined one step at a time, how is your Water-emotional environment? Are you truly happy? Are you thinking of your own emotional well-being and finding ways everyday to improve this part of you? Do you fight to heal your scars and wounds? Do you search to find meaning in your parenting, relationship and/or your self-improvement? Do you let other's opinions of you get you down?? Do you tell your little dragons you love them? Do you laugh and play? Do you budget your time so you can relax? What could you do everyday, one step at a time, to improve your emotional health?

If you are a couple, do you show your children a healthy relationship? Are you truly loving your partner Unconditionally? Do you have a healthy way of communicating with him or her (or them)? Do you talk positively to each other or cut each other down? Is the relationship fixable if it is wounded or do you continue to spit fire at each other which is showing such a negative example to your children? What can you do to be more loving and giving to your partner? Do you know the different love languages and do you use them with your family? Can you give up selfish desires to put your relationship ahead of frivolity, like drinking, hanging out with friends over your partner, or doing things that constantly cause a detrimental reaction from them? How is your Water-emotional tank being filled?

Are you spending time on your Air-Intellectual self? What can you read or watch or learn to be a better parent? What can you teach your children from your own passions? What can you do to allow your children independence and to learn to fly? What can you do to better your own education? What do you do with your time on the internet? What do you read? And what do you watch on TV or at the movies--are these things mindless entertainment or positive influences?

And what do you do for your Fire-spiritual side? This is self-explanatory and I will cover more in the next chapter. But meanwhile, are you loving others Unconditionally? And do you TREAT others as you want to be treated? Especially your family???

I know we are all well-meaning in some way, shape or form. We all strive to be better people, but why?? What is the point of a great career if your kids hate you? Seriously. What is the rationale behind dragging kids to do something you want them to do if you are not paying any attention to what they feel? How can you protect them from predators? Are you truly listening to your own heart when you make choices everyday as a parent? And how do you find the balance in soaring ahead of them in order to protect them and pushing them off a cliff to watch them fly? When do you need to give them a strong life lesson in order to keep them from getting attacked? And when do you need to breathe the fire of protection to keep them safe and warm? Ask yourself: How are you as a Dragon Parent?

Chapter 7--Ride on the Peace Train

Now I've been happy lately, thinking about the good things to come
And I believe it could be, something good has begun
Oh I've been smiling lately, dreaming about the world as one
And I believe it could be, some day it's going to come
Cause out on the edge of darkness, there rides a peace train
Oh peace train take this country, come take me home again

- Peace Train by Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam)

There are days when I wake up and just feel totally grateful! And there are days when I wake up grumpy, just like everyone else that has had a moment of humanity. I am glad I usually wake up grateful, but since there is a major flu bug going around and none of my family can breathe properly, I have begrudgingly gotten out of bed and began the daily routine to get my youngest off to school, my homework done, breakfast dishes and cleaning the kitchen done, and swallow down a forced cup of coffee and a protein shake. Today I have had to add nose-blowing every few minutes into the routine, which has allowed my mood to be altered to a bit of irritation. I will work on answering emails first this morning. I will make more chicken soup for my sick family. THEN if I am energetically inspired, I go to the gym and write out my daily assignments for my screenwriting. Maybe I will bring a book to read on the machines, usually revolving around business or occasionally a favorite to further enhance my spiritual pursuits. But as I teeter on the thought of going back to bed, I am reminded how amazing my life is! And I had to get up to write.

Fourteen years ago I was living on the graces of some of my wonderful friends. I had an apartment I couldn't afford and after the divorce and having been railroaded into poverty, leaving everything behind and losing any of what I had left, I barely had enough time to find a poorly underpaid waitress job and didn't eat much at all for almost a year. I went from a difficult time losing weight at a size 14 to a barely able to keep my clothes up size 2. I was in a constant state of fight or flight for a year during the divorce. I experienced what many would consider "war conditions." And I was so despondent. And I had no will left to live--yet freedom from oppression and lies and being degraded constantly was a better alternative than living on the edge of having nothing left. I was even forced to stay away from my children, bullied by the courts, and threatened to be thrown in jail if I didn't give what I had left to my ex for child support. But I had me--my mind, my Spirit and my independence.

So as I realize how far I have come, I am reminded of how my life is amazing! I have a beautiful family, have all of my children AND many more! I have a wonderful partner, loving and honorable friends, a refrigerator full of yummy organic and natural food, all the amenities I could ask for! I have internet and heat and Netflix and a new bank account and school and my teachers and healers and.... See, there is an abundance to be grateful for! But was I grateful for what I had back 14 years ago? Yes. But in a different way; I was grateful I was able to start over, but held so much resentment for the way I was treated.

It is SO easy to be "happy" when we are warm and comfortable and surrounded by love! But those times when life throws us curve balls, when we are thinking about whether we are going to pay our rent or feed our children, those times when you find out your partner is more interested in watching adult entertainment than in spending time with you, those moments when you find yourself with a bottle of vodka in bed with you at night, or when you realize you can't take care of yourself let alone others, those are the moments when gratefulness is the LAST feeling you have running around your brain...

The most difficult experience I had threaded throughout all these days of extreme sadness was the fact that I was completely rejected and judged by so many others who claimed to be Spiritual leaders and teachers and even supposed friends. My kids' father lied to everyone about me (I found the emails and had many conversations with those who told me his intentions). My family cut me off from any support. And remember, I wasn't a drug addict or party animal or anything remotely resembling a deviant. My condition after divorce, however, resembled these archetypes after I had nothing left to hold onto. My friends, those that claimed to be so godly, were the first to run like rats from a sinking ship.

It is funny--it was the new friends I made that took me in, cared for me, made sure I was fed and had a roof over my head. These friends were my new Pagan, Wiccan, Atheist and Buddhist friends. In fact, I am still grateful to be friends with many of them today! I felt amazing, unconditional love from them! I was richly blessed with compassion. It is because of these experiences that I found that silver lining in the darkness of such a turbulent life journey. Much like the Biblical references to the "Good Samaritan", I was rescued not by those in my circles, but those that had the most compassion! (Thank you to those who cared for me--Deborah and Brooke, Mary, Missy, Casey, and even Eric and of course David! And also to my many friends who were there for me as well, Michael, Kat, Kimi, Kaye, Tripp, Jason, and the rest of the Saint Simons gang! You all know who you are and will always be remembered forever...)

The reason I even bring up these multitudes of experiences today is because I want all my readers to know that in my pursuit to find wholeness, peace and wisdom, I had to experience so much pain so I can understand what those around me are experiencing. This was my Buddha's journey--just like in the story of Siddhartha Gautama. The Buddha began his journey in extreme wealth, sheltered from the outside world. Then he encountered every one of life's traumas--poverty, sickness, disease, death--and finally woke up to his purpose. When he was awakened, he left his comfortable palace lifestyle and with the help of a chariot driver, he was able to sneak out of the kingdom to go and find his people and see the suffering he had only recently encountered. When he was long on his journey, he was at the point of starvation when a village girl took him in and gave him rice and milk. Her generosity was rewarded with the ability to conceive her son according to the story. Many of these karmic changes are written about in the wisdom texts--direct blessings given for kindness and compassion. THIS is why I live the way I do and why I have chosen the life I have.

For my Christian friends, this similar parable is explained by Jesus in Matthew 25:35-40: For I was hungry, and you gave me meat: I was thirsty, and you gave me drink: I was a stranger, and you took me in: naked, and you clothed me: I was sick, and you visited me: I was in prison, and you came to me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we you an hungered, and fed you? or thirsty, and gave you drink? When saw we you a stranger, and took you in? or naked, and clothed you? Or when saw we you sick, or in prison, and came to you? And the King shall answer and say to them, Truly I say to you, Inasmuch as you have done it to one of the least of these my brothers, you have done it to me. There are hundreds of examples about Jesus' generosity in the Christian Bible. For my Jewish friends, compassion is all but lost in the Old Testament conquests, but think about the wisdom of those who were altruistic and unconditional, like in the stories of Ruth and Hannah (notice they are both women!). Selfish pursuits to conquest, dominate and separate (the "chosen" ones) are examples of what our society now models in order to further the missions that are instilled by Fear. How many times have I heard that the War on Iraq was "God's Will"?? Really? Yes, I understand that there are Muslim factions too that take their beliefs to an extreme...but haven't we propagated these divisions? That can be as likely attributed to God as NOT feeding someone because they don't have the same belief system (but I see it happen in religious circles).

So now that I am on a Path to Enlightenment myself, I am attracting so many who are a part of my world that are from all walks of life! I found on all my journeys that one thing resonated throughout--either those around me understood true loyalty and compassion and the tenets of Unconditional Love, or they were held back by their comfort zone, false superiority and judgments. What a stark contrast! Now there are those I met who were more the Conditional types that have had their own awakenings and have come around to show great strides in love, compassion and service. And then I have seen those who I thought were on the path to understanding who have been caught up by societal norms, money, dogma or just plain complacency. I often see that those who can't handle change or are confronted with a challenge often stick their heads in the sand. I think this is what happened to some of my friends from my youth when I was in the middle of the divorce--I don't think any of them could handle the challenge to their own belief systems.

The Difference Between "Us V. Them" and "Us AND Them"

In my journeys the last many years, I have encountered a stark contrast in our society that has propagated and fed into Fear. If there ever was a societal basis behind the idea of a Satan or a Devil, it is the Fear that leads to separatism. I see it actually the most prominently in the majority movements that revolve around religious ideologies, especially the main 3 in our country: Christianity, Judaism and Islam. I am NOT by any means saying ALL people of faith fall into this! In fact many of you (those that would actually READ this) are much more understanding, educated, open-minded and/or enlightened to the True nature of the purpose behind belief systems in the FIRST place. Those that promote, preach and feed into separatism are creating the basis for disharmony that continues to flourish in our society.

Americans are most susceptible to it! See, we are not only subjected to the barrage of national, political hype, but we are also conditioned to choose "sides". We have national sports teams that compete against others. We have inflated loyalty to these teams and our passions behind them. Why else would there be violent encounters at games if we didn't have such conditioning? I see it in our politics even more starkly. During the elections last year, there was such a division in which "side" to vote for, when it was such a farce--neither choice was going to be favorable for the actual people of our country, because the "Us" and "Them" were not Democrats and Republicans but rather the Privileged and Non-Privileged. But this is overlooked in a society that is trained to "take sides."

Remember in grade school when you had to be on a "team"? When we were growing up, our gym teacher Coachie (that's what we called him) would choose two students and those two students had to take turns choosing teams. This led to a few students always being chosen last or feeling unwanted. It was typical. I remember times when I was one of the "choosers" and I would consciously choose based on who I thought NEEDED to be chosen rather than who was most popular, athletic or enthusiastic. I remember it being like a contest. It was so much pressure! But it taught me early to think about the choices I made long before there was a theory/principle behind it. It just was.

Not all children are born with the gift of seeing the best in others, the Divine Child, as I was. I can honestly say it wasn't always true and I wasn't always a thoughtful kid. I hurt people, just like I was hurt. I wasn't complacent by any means! And I was susceptible to peer pressure and made some poor decisions in puberty because of it (most involving dating and friendships--I wasn't exposed to challenging vices until much later). But even then, I knew that the ONLY way to be a great young woman was to be kind, generous, and giving even to a fault. And so it happened that I was part of a group of loving, non-judgmental youth, but we too were separated because of our faith. And in our home town, there were many groups that spent their time "converting" other youth to their causes, to joint their youth groups, to live in this bubble of same-faith community. Since leaving the nest of singular understanding, I have found that this can only go so far. I commend those that have taken the leap and gone into mission work or some kind of service. But for many, it has just allowed a generation of separatists to continue to enforce the ideology onto a new generation of children, and the societal divisions based on Fear are growing wider.

I know many didn't want to be friends in High School because of my Christian stand. In contrast to the fear-based ideologies though, I was just super zealous. See, it was in my own understanding of Divine Love that I wanted to share it with everyone, which was a bit too pushy for many of my classmates. Later in life, when it came down to who actually stood by me from that group of friends, only my best friends Tom and Kelly have been there for me the whole time. Tom didn't hang out with our little "religious" group, but we have been siblings since grade school. And Kelly, even in spite of our differences in beliefs now, has always been a true and giving friend.

Then, I believe the reason my life was such a dichotomy was the extreme difference in Conditional and Unconditional Love. As explained in the last couple of chapters, I have been blessed with the understanding of seeing others as I see myself BECAUSE of the Divine connection I choose. But even those who claim to be connected with the Divine are sorely off-base when they feed into the agenda that being kind is ONLY reserved to those that believe what they do. Do you see this? Which side do YOU choose to be on?

So to become more "Us AND Them" we must also take a look at how we envision those that don't believe, look or associate with us. Movies often depict the extreme in society. The ultra-wealthy grow up to either be superior in their actions and treatment of others, or they do something good with their lives to help humanity. But there is a HUGE difference in offering service to the world to make yourself look good and the acts of true genuine service! When we reach out of our world and find those that are hurting, poor, suffering, homeless, do we judge their condition? Or do we see them as we see ourselves? Wasn't I just in that same boat, TWICE in this lifetime? Most of you know me and understand I have reconstructed my life just like I have adapted to and reconstructed my faith. Many of you look at me as successful. But would you have asked if I needed help when I had nowhere to go? Would you have attempted to understand why I was lying near-dead on the side of the road or would you have walked around to the other side of the street? And not just me, but those that live in your own community?

Change the Mentality and the Faith Will Follow

I am not asking for many of you to take a radical leap. There is often an underlying ideology already that allows us to easily see the connections in humanity once we are on the path to Divine living. But the roadblock to seeing through the eyes of the Source is this little itching virus of separation that feeds off our energy by creating the drama of "Us V. Them". Folks, I have my moments. Once again I am human! I have a deep disdain for prejudice and even more disdain for hate crimes. I tend to "judge" those that commit these types of actions and I have to take a step back and figure out why. I don't believe in the turn-the-other-cheek idea completely. If I am slapped once, I usually fight back the second time I am struck (hahahaha!) but I do believe in the importance of understanding why someone would be able to live in Fear.

But take a look at what you THINK when you see others. What do you create in your world when you have a conflict with a relative, a coworker, someone on the train, a person standing in line in front of you at the grocery store? How do you respond to others when they are kind or when they are stressed? What is your natural reaction to people standing on the corners begging for money? Where do you find yourself on the side of thinking when it comes to religion, politics and nationality? And what is the most memorable experience you have about handling a situation with someone who was or is hateful? Or do you stay in such a tight-knit group that this would never happen because you are too busy talking to those within your own circles?

I want to give you something to plant in your mind as you finish this: Who are YOU in these scenarios? And would it change your life radically if you chose to find a way to be less selfish and more kind? Would you find peace if you didn't have whatever Fear it is in your heart and mind? If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I want to start getting some feedback from my friends and family about these blogs--feel free to contact me and let's have a chat about what is it that may be eating away at you. Once you begin mentally shifting your focus on treating EVERYONE as you would want to be treated, regardless of your actions, you WILL find a way to open your Faith in both Humanity and the Divine. Take the time to check it out yourself! Do one good deed, a pay-it-forward, for ONE person this week. Then tell me how you feel about your life and where you are going!

C'mon, jump aboard the Peace Train with me! Yeah, maybe I AM just a hippie in Mommy's clothing, but I have never truly been happier. It really does look great on this side!

Chapter 5--Love's Labour Lost--Conditional V. Unconditional Love

Several years ago, as I was starting my book to my children, I stumbled upon a pattern in humanity that created a movement in my own life and those lives around me. This pattern has been threaded throughout everything I do and is a byproduct of Unconditional Love. I know that sounds really ODD to many (especially my children and those in my life who have learned that love is Conditional), but it is actually a truth that has become stronger and more quantifiable as I explore its possibilities.

See, it is within the LOVE that is LOST and FOUND that I continue to stand by what I have discovered and see the changes in those around me when I truly live in a state of Unconditional Love. It is going to be a Quantum Leap of faith and may alter your thought process if you are not familiar with living every moment in Love, but I guarantee that if you make an attempt to do it daily, you will start seeing it from the point of view of the Collective Consciousness, then you will seriously find your own life changing, progressing quickly, advancing in wisdom, and suddenly you will find yourself in a state of bliss like no other.

Once again, in my writing I remind you that loving everyone does NOT mean giving in, placating, becoming passive or a "doormat", or any allowance of anyone in your life to take advantage of you. Boundaries are by far the greatest expression of Love--if you love yourself enough to set a boundary, then the others in your life either show true love and respect it, or they will be a part of what I call the Love Labour Lost Pool...

My greatest blessing, however, is that I have been given the energy from my Divinity to heal many of these broken relationships, and most recently I have been blessed with the reunion in communication with my two children who did not grow up with me--Christopher and Jacquelyn. I can say that in spite of all the fear-based propaganda and separation, they have made the choice to be loving and take our relationship together to a higher level. I am grateful for both of my children, my oldest child Virginia whom I have been blessed to be with and continue our relationship continuously, and the newest members of my family--my better half, Mark, my best friend Amber, and their daughter Consciense...now we are a completed family! And I attribute it all to taking the higher path of Unconditional Love.

Love Everyone Because We Are All Part of the Creation!

In my fourth chapter on Love, I discussed digging deep into agape and philia, the ideologies/definitions of Love being for friendship and relationships. These are based on our unions formed with each Soul Mate as we are connected to the Divine and partner with the Collective Consciousness. This means that it is because we are connected to a Creator/Divine Source that allows all of Creation to connect together (outside time and space. This means that everyone and everything we encounter is part of our Divine connection). So it leads to the conclusion that we are all ONE in unity, those that have come before, those that will be here or with us in whatever capacity and however it looks to our own reality.

Now, my children and friends, this is a strange realization. Can you fathom loving everyone? Seriously--aren't there people in your life whom you can never see yourself loving? Even I have those people in my life, so don't think I have all the answers to the Divine plan! That is definitely where my humanity comes in too! But I will discuss separation from the Divine shortly. Meanwhile, take a moment to think of how your world would look if everyone loved one another!

Let's create this world of Perfect Love--what does it look like to you? Unrealistic huh? But let's just say our souls suddenly decided to live in harmony and everyone suddenly began practicing altruism--the act of completely giving selflessly. It would mean that social conventions would change drastically. For instance, MONEY would become obsolete. Everyone would give to one another what they need. MATERIAL EXCESS would also be unnecessary--why do you really need that expensive electronic anyway? VIOLENT IMAGERY would diminish--because the real world would eliminate violence, so would our images of the world through movies, video games and the internet. And LIFE would be valued, thus WAR and RELIGIOUS SEPARATISM and KILLING would diminish. Then what if we added true compassion for one another? We would see an end to EXTREME POVERTY, SERFDOM, CLASS DOMINANCE, and so forth. Again, this makes a great novel, but it is NOT currently a path of reality on this planet at this time.

Love always counterbalances with Fear. This is the realistic picture. And it has been inevitable and impossible to escape in the current way our Spirits play out our connections in this Universe. See, as I have learned, it may be that we have to experience negatives in order to appreciate positives. Again, we go back to the Yin and Yang of life. But I have seen the pattern change.... This sounds absurd to those who haven't been where we are yet, but it does change! Let me further investigate this possibility.

So if we are all created from the same Source, we are all part of the same fabric of the Universe, we are all infused with energy and that energy can either be a reflection of Love or Fear, which are emitted like vibrations throughout our being. Have you ever had that feeling that you know what someone is thinking just based on a feeling of them, not on anything they say or do? We alter our vibrations when we choose to focus on a certain frequency, which attracts others with the same vibration--those that choose the path of Love spend their days looking at their life and their surroundings, their family and friends, from the lenses of a Greater Power that is Unconditional. Like a scale tipped into a stronger direction, this kind of life is blessed, abundant and the doors open for more wisdom and peace than you can ever imagine. On the other side, many still choose the path of Fear to run their lives. This manifests, as mentioned in previous chapters, as prejudice, separatism, an imbalance of seeing others as inferior, and eventually it could lead to Hate. Supporting fear, worry and ideologies that are based in negative learned experiences or behaviors is what has created racism, religious oppression, and has spawned greater patterns like violence on television and the news, desensitizing our lives to the mire that we have created as a species.

This all leads back to WHERE do you put your energy?? Do you truly desire to start your path to loving everyone or do you want to give in to the current fear-based propaganda and sensational media that allows us to remain in a lower energy state of conflict?

Pushing Out the Fear and Centering in the Love

In my own life I have been faced with very specific fear-based challenges. I will quickly go through them, since many of my other writings go into detail about the challenges, changes and Soul Mates I have encountered that challenged who I AM and what I stood for in this lifetime. Specifically, I have defining moments that have brought about significant change and I have decided to live my life in Unconditional Love because of these challenges. As I experienced each threshold, feeling burned by each painful lesson, I had a choice that was proposed to me each time: live in resentment, anger and hate (all part of Fear) or move on and live in Love.

Fear manifests in many ways. Let me start with this, because it is not just about the relationships that have been a major factor in my life changing so drastically, but also the other manifestations of fear that have created an imbalance in my own Universe. If I start with my childhood, many of you can relate and can see how I chose the paths I did. And this too, as a loving memoir for my children, will also give them and all my "other children" the opportunity to find out more about who I AM as a whole. And as I always said, I am an open book. I asked for this lifestyle. I asked to be challenged. And ultimately, I asked to be a teacher and leader in this New Era of Enlightenment.

My parents were young--18 and 19--when I was born. I know there aren't any "manuals" on parenting, but in my knowledge of the world now, I am well aware that they were sorely unprepared for child rearing. My father and I are rather close now as I have said many times in my writings, but my mother made another choice in her life--to be angry and miserable and live her entire life in fear, jealousy and pain. Forgiveness was not very often expressed to us as children, and as the oldest of five siblings, I was often the brunt of my mother's anger. This by the way is an observation...I have no anger or resentment against my mother. I learned to see both sides of her--the loving and creative side and the angry and controlling side. I chose to take from that relationship a great number of gifts that I have in my own life today, such as my love for music, singing, cooking and throwing awesome children's birthdays.

What I learned from my mother is that her love was Conditional. She could not grasp the concept of how to overcome her anger toward her life, her family, her father and sister, and what she was lacking in her own journey. I had a similar revelation in high school--so many I met were one or the other, Conditional or Unconditional in their approach to love. I grew up in a Christian-based society where I met many leaders in the community that were actually genuine examples of Unconditional Love and some were shining examples of faith-based superiority and separatism. I observed friends from high school who were kind and yet had emotional stagnation within their own families. I also observed friends who had felt or shown some kind of superiority because of money, parental issues, or status of some sort. And yet I tended to befriend and remain friends with those like myself who had a sense of loyalty, togetherness and friendship. I swore I would live my life as my greatest examples had shown me, Love is Truly Source and Truly Unconditional. This was the lesson I learned from the great Masters in my life--Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, and Mother Theresa. So I made a choice to live as an example of Unconditional Love, but that did not last very long.

College was a different story altogether. Everything seemed conditional. I put those limitations on my experiences there. For instance, I had a lot of male friends and suitors, but I never allowed them to flourish into anything solid. I was determined to finish my degree no matter what so I always kept men at arm's length. I decided not to marry a couple of them. I ended up attracting men who were also non-committal and not faithful. I didn't see a need for monogamy OR love. But in the end, I did feel love at least in a Conditional sense. Life was moving forward, I was learning how to create a distance from people but at the same time I was learning the depths of love in literature, in watching others around me, and found a great limitation in relationships that were created in college...I felt lonely after the years of closing off to the Unconditional possibility.

I also had a major life dichotomy in my career and then in my marriage at the age of 22. I had to choose the very conditional lifestyle of a doctor and continue pushing to graduate and go to medical school, or on the other hand to settle into a relationship that was permanent and seek unconditional partnership. I chose to get married. I missed out in one way of a lifetime of stability, focus, money and doing something good for society and for myself. But I was blessed with the amazing satisfaction of being a mother. Since all three children were born by the age of 27, and because my marriage fell apart at 30 years old, I was able at that point to definitely recognize a love that was not going to be giving, not going to put my needs above his own, and not able to truly grasp the Source of Unconditional Love, and the kind of love I would then spend the next 14 years seeking to find. Everything in the worlds of those around me at that point revolved around money or social status--my ex, his family, my bosses, my friends, and my own family--and many of them used a false belief system to ostracize and cut out anyone that didn't believe in their system, including the imposed ideology that I was demanded to subject myself unconditionally but receive no reward in return.

This leads to the divorce. I was subjected to a variety of fear-based emotions to counteract with my own self-loathing and fear, which came out as I made a decision that shattered my faith in humanity. I was faced with betrayal. I experienced this from my sister, my ex-husband, my ex-in-laws and my mother, all of whom "judged" and put a condition on me because I chose to leave my marriage. But their actions ultimately led to a karmic path of deception. These betrayals included a series of lies about my character, which led to a nasty custody battle which still continues. And they led to the ultimate downfall of my faith in my belief system as well. If these people could be so hateful for my choice to leave, and then commit acts of hatred, then how could they be portraying an honorable ideology of the Creator? Then I gave up hope, experienced that journey into the abyss, fell into a much-deserved depression, and spent five years in a state of anger against those who were allowed to cause these betrayals. But THIS too is an illusion! See, they were and are just incapable of understanding Unconditional Love. They acted out of their own self-denial. Their character portrayals were destroyed in my eyes. And I too became conditional--the ONE thing I swore would never happen.

Then there were the years of confusion. Why did I continue to attract Conditional Love? Why did I find myself incapable of attracting someone with these ideologies? Why did I have such Unconditional Love from my children but such hatred from those around me? My ex-husband and his family were hateful and spiteful in their actions, spending every dime in court but not even lifting a finger to help me get back on my feet for my children's sake. They continued to take more and more money. My boyfriend during those years was hateful and angry and violent but wouldn't leave me. My kids were struggling and watched me go through so much pain. My daughter who lived with me was suddenly taken from me a second time and I was devastated and the wounds reopened. By this time I fought back. I fought against the system and started publishing papers on the corrupt court system and inability for justice to see abuse when it is right in front of them. Like the human condition, separated and disjointed, the Family Law courts were specifically riddled with injustices and betrayals and abuses, caused by the anger fed into it and the attorneys who promoted separation and discredit those of us that were fighting for truth. In fact, if there ever was a creature of destruction, its name is Family Law Court. I became vocal locally and nationally and the court and the ex's family fought back harder.

I hit a breaking point, which everyone who must find a better path eventually does. After I finally took a break for my sanity and went to study for my last semester in college at University of Alicante in Spain, I walked away from all the projected anger and judgement. I chose to have a solitary but meaningful life. This started while I was in Spain because it was such a tranquil place to live and I was right on the ocean. But I found that my break turned into a momentary stop. And the ability to be alone was superseded by a strong, sudden attraction to a Spaniard. I eloped with him in Spain, then officially back in the U.S., and we moved to Aspen, Colorado. He was a wonderful man but on the path of self-awareness, yet not ready for an altruistic companionship. He left after we were married four months. I was able to get over it quickly because our time together was so short, but he again showed me a Conditional love. This then became the Opposing Pattern: Conditional Relationships were showing me what was NOT the right path.

So I realized that the second, unrealistic marriage was built on conditions as well and I filed for an annulment. By this time, as you probably guessed, I was still living Unconditionally for my children but not able to live this way in a relationship. I continued to repeat this lesson over and over until about three years ago. Meanwhile, I learned that my ability to make a home and settle somewhere became conditional as well. My ability to work at a job that was what I was worth was conditional and all but impossible to find. I can't practice in my academic profession because the field of Anthropology demands a higher degree than what is possible for me to have attained at that time. And my relationships with friends were conditional. I didn't have any support from family or otherwise, except for my sister Jane, who has always been my sounding board and my rock. But she too was feeling the conditional love that always makes us wanting for more, never satisfied in our lives.

Sudden Awakening and the Awareness of my Limitations

Now showing how my life changed from Conditional in childhood, Unconditional in my faith, to a loss of faith and an implementation once more of the Conditional. This was all part of the contrast to my learning process. I had to lose my belief in humanity to be capable of Unconditional Love! This way I could prove it to myself by attempting to see if it is actually possible! And guess what? It was!

I decided to begin to live my life and connection to the Universe as the element of Unconditional Love in my life. It took a few more years of failed jobs and failed relationships and I became a failure to myself as I fell into a cold state of conditional love mirrored by the use of alcohol and drugs to distance myself further from pain and anger. I spent three years in this state of brokenness, then attracted the worst kind of relationships that I could have imagined--the physically abusive ones. I had some of this experience with my boyfriend after marriage. But it was during my period of awakening that my strongest attraction became someone who was so self-loathing that his anger was always taken out on me. He was my total opposite and my chance to learn to vibrate either for or against my own true happiness. I had no choice: I HAD to see that side of me or I would never be whole and face the truth of my existence!

After 2008, I ran as fast as I could from this relationship but I ended up attracting men constantly who wanted to control me! I was still continuing the pattern and I had to discover why. And this Soul Mate remained in my life for another 2 years! It was the most difficult in Miami and the year afterward because I was separated from this hateful boyfriend, but still unable to give up the acts of separation that became habits in my life with him (alcohol and drugs). And he refused to let me go, which turned into an obsession to control me. This lesson taught me to fight for my independence but also to find another way out--to vibrate differently. By this time, I was further separated from my two youngest children who have been forbidden to contact me for 4 years. This was the ex's ultimate hate, but it is going to be no match to the power of Unconditional Love!

I had an awakening. I started studying the works of Thich Nhat Hanh. Then I couldn't get enough! I couldn't stop learning, reading, understanding how the Universe works! I took a job in Miami with a metaphysical store and began classwork on the different methods of meditation and focusing on the Collective Consciousness. I also read amazing works from great teachers that changed my life (Dr. John DeMartini, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Carolyn Myss and the masters the Dalai Lama, Yogananda and Kahlil Gilbran, all changed my thinking!). I learned quickly about manifestation and focusing one's vibration, changing one's energy in order to attract greater outcomes on one's path. And it began to work! I was shown how to run a youth program for Indigo children. I was given the plans for structuring a society that is self-sustaining in Unconditional Love. And this was just the beginning!

After the death of my ex-boyfriend in 2011, I realized that there is a definite chasm between Conditional and Unconditional love. I felt the pain of loss but the relief of freedom. I will always love him because I AM made from love. But in the end taking his own life showed me he could never love me back in the same way. Shortly after his death, I also found myself in a similar relationship for another year before discovering that my love could be tested once more! And that is when I realized that I could only love Unconditionally and would always do so...I have nothing but love for those that have been Soul Mates to me in this life! He left angry and bitter, but that is because his love for me was starkly Conditional--in fact so obviously so that it was the most difficult to leave. He was so lost, I felt so much love and compassion for him, especially after his mother's death last year. But this too showed me how incapable the World can be to Unconditional Love! He has taken a stance of anger and remorse, denial and hatred instead of Unconditional Love. BUT remember that time after my divorce that I felt so much betrayal? This is where he is, and you know what? I don't blame him--in fact, I embrace him and feel for his loss and pain, which makes me all the more grateful for being able to Unconditionally Love him and his family! Not everyone understands my love for the world, but it doesn't mean I don't love them. I always will love Unconditionally now that I see from a different lens.

So this leads to my next story, which will be how I opened up to Unconditional Love and how I find it to engage me in processing through ALL the pain, from this lifetime and way back into many others, and transform it into pure energy through connection with the Divine. As my engineering daughter Virginia would say: Unconditional Love = Connection with the Source of All Energy! Or as I have read in the very Bible subscribed by the faith to once I subscribed: "Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs." (Proverbs 10:12). Quoting from Kalhil Gilbran from his work, The Prophet, Love is truly an experience:

"Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips."

Therefore, I have embraced and found my Center in Unconditional Love. This cannot be taken from me, nor can it be reversed. Suddenly we find ourselves passing a threshold...there comes a point when the practice of Unconditional Love covers all and we look at all of humanity through the lens of Pure Love. So suddenly this too is what I am attracting in my life. I am excited to share it with all of you!

What is Irrational in the Mind of One is Completely Sane in Another (Part I)

I have been facing some VERY strange life path issues today and within the last week. After having an amazing channeling session with my friend Joshua Magee (http://yournotthat.com/) about what to do with our lives once we acquire all this wonderful knowledge about the Spiritual development and workings within the Universe. I have been blessed by the answers, which include the fact that I AM always swimming in the right direction because the Universe will change us according to our will and our final destinations. We are designed to learn lessons in this lifetime (or recall those that may have been from other lifetimes) to teach us something, whether they be considered pleasurable or painful lessons (after all, our human selves react to ALL situations based on PAIN or PLEASURE). We create a thought form that becomes a belief based on our reaction. Our reactions, of course, are partially spiritually and partially genetically designed to determine our outcome responses.

For instance, a child goes to school and realized she is smarter than everyone else in her class. (Sorry, daughter of mine, I AM using you as an example). Her mother has spent a great amount of time educating her to read and to be aware of her Universe long before she even turns four. So her experiences within her realm of reality are based on 1. her knowledge base that was passed along to her by her mother and 2. the fact that she is already genetically pre-disposed to intelligence since both her parents were scholars. Now, within her framework, this child has a choice to use this knowledge and intelligence to baffle her teachers, to hold her superiority over her classmates, or to become lazy in school.

All these are normal responses for children to experience, especially in the realm of American school dynamics and the sociological upbringings these dynamics have manifested throughout the years. HOWEVER, my child responded to these "gifts" (knowledge, wisdom and information) with humility and often with questioning and wonder at the Universe, rather than with pride and superiority. So I am SUPER proud to say that this child grew up to be an amazing brilliant, responsible AND humble young woman who truly understands her gifts are also that and her Universe is created through her gratefulness. SO she took her spiritual self (higher self) into consideration and has been blessed because of these decisions. She created a world of positive feedback, which activates the PLEASURE center of her brain, to feed her desire to succeed in both her educational and her relational life.

I have several friends with children with disabilities. They are amazing parents! I don't know that ALL parents with children with disabilities are amazing, but my friends are. A couple of examples in particular have stuck with me. We had a young boy in our neighborhood growing up with cerebral palsy. He was a great friend to all and loved immensely among the kids. I watched how his mother, who had 2 sons much older and born "normal", was such a patient and loving and calm woman. I was so grateful and will always be grateful for her in my neighborhood because she was the mom-figure I aspired to be like the most. Her son turned out to be a great young man, who not only graduated with his high school class, but finished college. Her patience and beauty were memories that always gave me the feelings of PLEASURE. I used to babysit often for this young man when I was a teenager because I loved being around him and their family.

The other woman I am thinking of as an example is a childhood friend who still lives in our home town. She is also an amazing woman. In her case, she overcame a lot of family adversity and skewed belief systems that allowed her own mother to treat her very poorly as a child and treat her sister like she could not do anything wrong (both family patterning examples are irrational, but they seem to be ingrained beliefs that are deeply rooted). Black and white thinking is very abusive and also very common. In my friend's case, she has one son who was born with Autism. And I have never seen a more lovely example of a mother! She is such a wonderful, patient, loving woman who is raising her son to be so happy and brilliant. Her amazing tenacity and steadfast unconditional love shine through when she talks about her son. I watched her interact with him and it was apparent he is the luckiest boy on the planet to have a mother like her. He can integrate his PLEASURE feelings with those of memories with his mother.

If a child grows up with an abusive parent, in a controlling scenario, or is repeatedly rejected based on the family's "treatment" of him or her, that child may have completely different responses or reject their family altogether, depending upon the influences in his or her life. In my life, my father was and is a wonderful man. However, during my childhood, he wasn't around much. He had the responsibility, chosen or imposed, to care for many children financially (I am the oldest). My mother, on the other hand, was very Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. One day she was amazing, supportive, loving, and created a world of possibilities and experiences for us. The next, she would be upset by something and would freak out on everyone around her and impose her displeasure those closest to her, mainly her children, and principally me as the oldest.

I was NOT a quiet child. I would fight back. So by the time my father would come home, it was just a matter of time before whatever really bothered her in the first place was stuffed and not dealt with because the most pressing issue would then become her imposition of her feelings on me and my blatant disrespect for not allowing her to rant and scream without fighting back (like my poor sister often did). My brother always tried to "logically reason" with her (he is great in that way), but often she would still fly off the handle and all the logic in the world did nothing to console her aggressive and often violent outbursts. But it was only consistent in the fact that we knew, eventually every week at some point, she would lose control and we would have to emotionally be prepared for a verbal lashing.

I was not a perfect parent, especially given these examples that were definitely and deeply ingrained in my psyche. Of course, they were obviously ingrained in my mother's psyche as well, and her father, and so forth and so on... I spent the first few years of parenthood absolutely doting all over my children and couldn't be apart from them for 2 minutes. I was a "supermom" type, but I was extremely unhappy without the balance of my own self-worth and career. I became a "martyr"--home raising children because my husband told me I was not "allowed" to return to school, which imprinted a very negative and PAINFUL bitterness that festered for years. I found myself in the same stale marital situation as my parents, and my kids' father was never around and he was truly never there for me emotionally because he was too busy appeasing his parents and put his work over his family. In the long run, the ideal marriage that was suppose to be a lifetime commitment was undermined by his inappropriate action to make all our marital decisions with his father's control and his mother's passive insistence. But that is not the point of this reflection today. Our marriage did fall apart and I left him because I had had enough being ignored and disrespected and dishonored. And it is totally okay not to put up with verbal and emotional abuse.

But in the course of life events after I went to college and before I actually left my lifeless marriage ten years later, there was a time I could feel myself slipping into the role and becoming the very mother figure with whom I was raised (miserable about my failing marriage, lonely, sad, and several times I lost my temper--yet I always curbed it and ALWAYS apologized to my children, which changes the story drastically). This subtle transformation into negativity was a shock and a horror to me! I never ever in a million years wanted to pass that to my children! So I left the man who was imposing these beliefs on me (male superiority, male and religious privilege, financial superiority, and emotional berating), and I chose to be a single mother. As stated in previous chapter, that didn't turn out well, because there were so many moments I was lonely and would not allow myself to be alone, which led to several bad relationships and several plans to escape. The PAIN center of my life was becoming difficult to manage, so I would run from it, but it always appeared in a new and different form because it was one of my life path lessons.

So the PAIN of the marital situation, which mimicked the PAIN Of the parental situation (I married a version of my mother), led me to pull my proverbial hand away from the stove and I chose to leave. Since then, their reactions (both of them) have responded to me out of jealousy, hatred, vengeance and my mother tried everything to ruin my relationship with my children. Once again, one person's skewed view of life being "unfair" and that because they were not given a break gives one false liberty to hurt others or martyr themselves. Classic Greek Tragedy stories. Which I maintain to this day were and are also genetically linked behaviors in humanity. Betrayal, however, is in my judgment and in MY belief system, the most unforgivable crime. Though this is truly not a reality (everything is an illusion), it is only an attachment that remains from my feelings attached to the divorce, my mother siding with my ex-husband, my youngest sister's betrayal by lying in court to give him custody (and having a relationship with him, also out of vengeance) and my ex-father-in-law still imposing his control by imprinting his male superiority onto his son and maintaining that belief system to this day. It has, however, caused my children and I GREAT PAIN and so we all have reacted differently to it according to our mind's pain reaction to the situation. I continue to write and fight for the just outcome to be done, but my three children are just trying to forget it had ever happened and run from the PAIN, rather than face it.

So we have covered that successes and positive feedback lead to PLEASURE responses and negative and dishonoring feedback lead to PAIN responses. We call the latter in psychology fight or flight. Obviously my most painful examples are used as thus because I am going through this major transformation with them as they are deeply embedded into my PAIN centers of my brain. in my discovery, I have established a median line: all experiences cause both PAIN and PLEASURE. For example, one event that brings a PLEASURE response, like meeting a love interest for the first time, may be the cause of PAIN for that partner's ex. The love interest (in my case, several of them) then finds himself wandering off or getting back together with the ex, both to avoid PAIN and instigate PLEASURE. And thus that first memory of the meeting of that person can no longer be thought of as exclusively a pleasurable experience.

Thus this leads me to my most current situations. I have found that a series of enjoyable events, mainly in traveling across the country with my partner, are not as enjoyable in my memory as they once were. We have torn apart the trip and both assigned negative consequences to everything pleasurable about the trip. It was an amazing learning experience and I definitely felt at the time I was swimming in the right direction. However, now that there are negative memories attached to each of those experiences, I have to reevaluate what is PLEASURE to my memory is not necessarily that to my partner, nor the other way around. But once again, the reality is that what I believe to be a great memory may not be what another would find as great. As we are analyzing our successes and failure over the last year, I have come to discover I find that most of our PAIN-based experiences were our greatest learning lessons, but our minds cannot fathom letting the PAIN out of our consciousness in order to let the experience go.

For example, when we were in Florida this past Spring, we made a 2 week detour to Orlando. We found that hotels in Kissimmee were by the national average the least expensive hotel rates per week of any hotel in the country. So we checked into a weekly hotel and had a few extra days intermittently while we were there at other places. We had made a little money while acting in New Orleans and between that and a tax return, we were able to get a 4-day pass to Universal Studios. That adventure, by far, was my favorite part of our trip and to this day the memories attached to the theme park and how we are both avid movie fans (thus why we own a production company) gave us childlike joy when experiencing the adventures we did. We rode The Hulk ride and saw The Blues Brothers Show and experienced Harry Potter's Hogworts Kingdom and laughed hysterically at the Simpsons ride...and the tribute to Lucille Ball and the Tower of Doom and the Jurassic Park ride...okay, I could go on. But it was in the 4 days that I felt the closest to James and felt that overwhelming PLEASURE of our closeness and our happy memories.

But in a most recent argument, as all couples do, we are stressing over money and our trip to Orlando came up. He is still angry at the amount of money it cost to be there and take that trip. That was a surprise because I thought it was such a magical time together, and it really hurt me. I was saddened by the response. Since then we have begun to talk through why it is SO important to create these memories that are positive. As I pressured him into staying the extra time, I have to apologize for my part in making the memories attached more PAINFUL than PLEASURABLE. In the apology, he has two ways to respond: accept it for an error in judgment and let it go, or hold onto the regret and not allow it to heal as a memory that carries both LOVE and FEAR (the pain of losing money).

This goes back to my example of parenting. If we make a mistake as a parent, we cannot expect our children to forgive us! But we can expect them to have a different memory attached to a bad parenting experience IF we choose to say we are sorry for what we have done. This is truly the only way to change a "bad" memory into a "good" one. This actually has a similar resonance that vibrates with emotions. We can either vibrate in Love or in Fear. I have covered this in many of my past writings. However this vibration, this memory, this attached emotion can only be totally resolved if there is a consistent change in parenting as well, such as in this example. Any experience that leads one to have to repeatedly say "I'm sorry" but never really mean it or resolve it, will then have to continue to get the same responses from the injured parties of such decisions.

So we can only lead by example. We can create great memories for ourselves, our children, and those around us. We have the choice to deal with all life experiences and attach emotions to those experiences. However, as I will further in the second half of my resolution, I will show that it is in the process of transforming all of these memories and thoughts into learning moments by NOT attaching a label to the experience (as I learned in our talk on Saturday with Joshua and his friends) that we are truly free then to vibrate only in accordance to our TRUE NATURE, or higher self, and only allow experiences that resurface to do so in order to process them, not to use them to fuel an emotional flame from days past. This process is not easy and I would LOVE to walk everyone through it in my next writing.

Taming the Dragon – Righteous Fire

Igniting the Righteous Fire

In this chapter I will explore the awakening of the Righteous Fire within myself and our society. If you will allow me to give you some background, I have explained more about myself and my childhood awakenings. If you read through it I hope you can understand that my journey, like so many, has been challenging and because of these challenges, I have become a strong leader but also I have created a strong outer shell. Like most everyone, I have been directly attacked by those around me, but it doesn’t stop me from loving humanity or those that are in true need of love, guidance and are willing to change. Thus I see attacks by others specifically toward me as a challenge and as a learning experience. I hope you can all have these same revelations.

From my earliest childhood memories, I knew I had one specifically strong, powerful and yet debilitating gift: Righteous Anger. I know now it is part of my makeup, possibly my past life accumulation of experience, but it comes from the childlike attitude that the World is an unjust place because there are too many injustices. I was not one of those girls who would burst into tears when offended. Instead, I would become enraged, often with bursts of loud, angry expressions of “that’s not fair!” and other times resorting to a wrongfully appropriate behavior, such as hitting the offender (usually my brother or one of the neighbor boys), or freaking out (usually reserved for my mother and father). I am now slow to anger and rarely allow it to get to me. Not that this is 100 percent guaranteed….

Many of my life’s relationships realized early on that I was the “strong” one. I carried a large stick it seems. I was a “tom boy” in grade school, though the label is subjective. I wanted to do what the Cub Scouts were doing, not what we were doing in Brownies. My mother was one of our Brownie Troop leaders, but my father was into hunting and camping and was excellent at carpentry and fixing up the house. From my earliest memories, my fondest recollections were doing activities like sawing wood and hammering nails. Between third and fifth grade, I started to become passionate about being able to do anything the boys could do. I had a train set and a microscope and a guitar and a plethora of collectible animals. I loved riding horses and I kept a detailed diary that was about how someday I would travel to all the cool and far-away places my aunts and uncles travelled. I wanted to be a doctor and I was determined to do it.

At this time as well I was cast in my first musical—“The King and I”—at the local high school. I was bit by the acting bug! I had a few parts in third and fourth grade in school. But this opened up a new ballgame for me. I religiously participated in church choir as well, which was such a gift and opened many doors for me throughout my life. I was a natural “ham” and a natural leader, so this was my outlet to shine. It was also a strong influence on my siblings because I encouraged them strongly to be a part of this world. I had a feverishly active imagination as well. At one point I decided I wanted to be a pirate and taught my sister how to be one too! I scarfed up books every summer as if I was starving for stories. I read all types of fantasies, from the Narnia series to the Dark Is Rising. I couldn’t get enough of Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. And I loved any adventure that took me to a far-away place.

I also realized by fifth grade that there was a terrible rift between my parents and me, but specifically, I was always fighting vehemently with my mother. The anger started building when I would see her do things I thought were unjust. I am the oldest of five siblings, and by the time I was 10 I had a brother and two sisters. I could go into detail about all the stupid fights we had, but it’s not necessary since most of them were sibling rivalry. But my brother was also very angry and we fought almost daily. After studying sociological behaviors, I realize that because my mother had been so openly angry at my father and the injustice she felt about her own life, her projection toward me specifically and the rage she outwardly expressed on us as children trickled down to our own behaviors. As the oldest, I was always told by my parents that it was my fault if we misbehaved because I was supposed to be the good example. This was so wrong to me! This created a lot of the mindset I adopted on how to truly understand fairness and rightness in my world.

Friends, I implore you to know that this was a common dysfunctional pattern among parents at that time in history. I am not excusing it, but even cinema at the time showed how there was a strong divide between adults and children. There were the wars many fathers fought in Korea and Vietnam. The country was openly rebellious against the system and these wars. In the 70’s as a child, these sentiments were also rebellions against the system of gender roles, with feminism and women’s liberation. I was definitely a rebel and a critical thinker. My mother was a traditionalist. I resented the role as a subservient wife. I wanted nothing more than to be a career woman with high goals to help save the World. I wanted to join the Peace Corps like our neighbor did. I wanted to become a missionary like our friends’ parents. I wanted to heal the sick, travel the world, and get away from these systems. I dreamed about this almost every day.

In my childhood, we were also actively involved in a Christian environment. And I grew up in Wheaton, Illinois, the home of Wheaton College, the alma mater of Billy Graham and several other famous Evangelists. The town was infused with Christian principles and thus the hierarchies that come with it: Religious Oligarchic communities, supremacy of men over women through patriarchal conditioning, ultra-traditional roles and invisible ceilings, and children were to be seen and not heard. The community was also very wealthy as a whole and very conservative. This actually enhanced my chances to get a better and more competitive education. But it also gave us naivety, closed-mindedness and being closely monitored and sheltered.

I am grateful for the aspect of my youth that allowed me to be protected for such a short time so I could learn voraciously and know that someday I could accomplish these goals of becoming a doctor and a missionary. I chose the path that did not allow me to do either of these things, but now I see that my path is not less important by any means. I just had to go through the fires to get here.

Walking Through the Sacred Fire

Initiation in most cultures involves some sort of sacred fire. Coming of age for me was also of a sacred righteous fire burning deep within me. I had been connected to the Spirit at an early age. My deeply loyal love for the Creator was my own, not taught to me or ingrained in my environment. In fact, growing up where we did showed me that the majority of believers in a particular faith were human in nature, not actually believing what they subscribed to be practicing. And I saw many leaders fall prey to “sin” and “temptations.” There were Christians in my community who were unfaithful to their spouses, many of whom were pillars of the church. I have learned that many of my peers also endured hidden sexual intimidations from leaders of all faiths. I was fortunate—I only encountered my hypocrisies among my own family system and among my friends’ families. But nonetheless, it was the awareness of these “do as I say not as I do” encounters that led me to be more high minded.

There was still a strong propensity for bullying in school in subtle and outward ways. I was a “nerd” and one of the smart kids. My initiation into puberty was a dichotomy of blossoming knowledge and a growing distance between those of us who were adamant about our grades and the “popular” kids. It was fine with me. I had the long-term goal of getting as far away from this environment as possible. Meanwhile, I also had a strong desire to protect the bullied, the underdogs and the downtrodden. I couldn’t stand to see anyone suffer from harsh words, especially because secretly I endured so much of it at home with my mother. I also learned to “rescue”—this led me to many years of protecting those less fortunate and eventually led me to my current career choices.

Middle school was the hatching of hormones and discovery of the opposite sex, which I had no issues being around as a child, but suddenly I felt awkward and unable to approach with these newly discovered feelings and biological changes. As the Dragon hatchling, I needed a strong example to my rebellious nature and I found that in my aunt in New York. She was a doctor. She was my idol. But she was also very far away and disconnected. I wanted to be just like her, but I also wanted to honor the Creator of my childhood, whom I saw through the eyes of my faith. And I needed more than anything a guide to get me through the wading guilt of our belief system as well. Parents chided us, teachers scolded us, we heard the messages of guilt from the pulpit every Sunday, and we even perpetuated systems of shame and guilt amongst ourselves.

The Sacred Initiation of most teenagers of my time involved alcohol, sex and rebellious behavior. In our community, however, this was either less prominent or more hidden. I knew of things like marijuana and the psychotropic adventures of many of my aunts and uncles, distant relatives and what we saw on television. But we were in a bubble in our community, so I never saw anything. But the guilt-and-shame system of our adolescence forbid us from open sexuality, gender identity differences, discussing things like domestic violence or child abuse. We were socially forbidden and internally driven to be “perfect.”

High School, however, was my Sacred Initiation into adulthood. Besides my obsession with learning and becoming a top honors student, I was actively involved in acting and theater, student counsel, Spanish Honor Society, and anything academic. I found this diversity helped me connect with peers and friends from all backgrounds and I could see myself in the reflection of everyone. I was mostly devoted to Speech Team and became an accomplished speaker and performer. I am eternally grateful to my teachers and peers for leading me there. I was shaped to become the higher minded person I am because of them. I loved competing in events, spent hours memorizing scripts and perfecting my characters. I learned method acting, which obviously led me to my studies in social psychology, anthropology, political science and religious studies, all of which I incorporate into my leadership trainings and life coaching today.

To be fair to all my friends who know me, I could have easily adopted any belief system and become a strong leader in that faith. All my years of leadership training within my church, youth leadership, camp counseling and club organizing in school could have been translated into any system that honors a Creator element. I have studied intensely Judaism, Buddhism, Taoism and the Wisdom Texts of many beliefs. I subscribe understanding and commonality with all of them. I am open to all the understandings and ideologies of Shamanic and Pagan leadership—they just come at Creation from a different angle.

Indulge me to explain briefly a little further. You see, all my studies have come to the same conclusions about this Righteous Fire:

1. There is a Creator or Creative Force.

2. We are all connected on this planet Earth as a part of that Creation.

3. We are all made of the same organic materials that permeate the existence of us as a part of that Creation as well at the atomic level.

4. The nature of all humanity is to create order, community and find something to believe in, whether it is family or religion or politics or corporate capitalism or nationalistic identity. We are all part of a greater tribe. And we will protect our beliefs and our tribe and our deep-set systems at all costs.

5. We naturally rebel against our Creation when we feed our Ego and commit thoughts and acts of racism, classism, and social separation because we believe only our system of belief is the correct one. We actually feed into the nature of destruction and create more anger and rebellion than we purport to be fighting against. It’s the age old Cain and Abel story—brother against brother--Ego-based anger and jealousy. And outlying acts of socially unacceptable injustices, such as child molestation and serial killing and excessive violence, are often glamourized in our American society today. We feed into the fire with an excess of horror and violent films and video games. We create archetypes of these injustices through the internet and cartoons and we spoon feed them to our children. So of course we are dividing our society based on the one element that separates us from our Creator: fear.

6. Righteous Anger is a normal system of purging injustices by utilizing the tools we have to educate and incite change around us. Though many historical and religious accounts claim that God or the Gods are responsible for this kind of purging, it is actually a collective human philosophy to administer these changes among our own tribes and family systems, whether by law or by rebellion. In our country we essentially have Freedom of Speech, Freedom of the Press, and the ability to change laws to protect the weak, punish the criminals and honor the changes of socially acceptable and not acceptable behaviors. Of course, take this one with a grain of salt--this is not always possible or allowed by the higher control systems. Unless you are a member of Congress, a public figure or an outspoken famous person, a lot of these thoughts and injustices go unnoticed every day. However, it is truly possible to be part of a larger fire and create a movement to alter the social system. Often lives are threatened or lost in a rebellion, but it does change the course of history.

7. There is also one other trend in the World today. The more groups of us become educated and enlightened, the more there are groups that become hateful, promote prejudices and separate themselves from the natural progression of thought, community, technology and fight so adamantly against Oneness. The bully still exists to control the people. The underlying message of faith and hope among those who truly love and believe in the Higher existence is often undermined or altogether pushed down by those that want to stay in power, have resources to lord over others, and refuse to look at their own atrocities or behaviors. Folks, guess what? This is not any different from the earliest beginning of human civilization. But it has become super-intensified and blatantly obvious. The common citizen is well aware of the oppressors.

What is most fascinating is that I was angry at the World, not at my system around me. I became educated on foreign affairs and war crimes and human injustices and abuses. I saw killings in Africa, Communism in the U.S.S.R. and China, and human rights abuses in South America all as horrific atrocities to which I wanted to fight. I also joined a group against Apartheid in South Africa while I was in college for the same reason—I was aghast at how human beings could belittle and destroy each other so terribly based on race, class and governmental corruptions.

Now my fire is strong and I breathe it hard. It is the age-old fight against corruption and hierarchy and the desire for peace and a Common Consciousness. I am one of many. I am humble that all my life lessons have allowed me to see these truths. The “ah-hah” moment of enlightenment comes for those of us who are aware of who we are and know we all have a Shadow side but choose to live in Love and Light. The more I read, the more I see, the more I come across daily information from the internet and in my studies, the more I want to shout out to those around me about what I have learned.

Modern Cases of Righteous Fire

Today, we have seen thousands of wars in human history and a large number internationally in our own lifetimes. We read about bombings in train stations and in crowds everywhere in the World. Our friends and family are losing loved ones to major diseases and illnesses, such as cancers and AIDS and auto-immune disorders. We see the population of the World at an all-time high, but the incidences and crimes against humanity and the Earth are thus just as prominent. We have WMDs and military technologies that far exceed and cost more of our resources than medical care, feeding our people and education combined. We are relying on pharmaceutical companies and nursing homes to take responsibility for our elderly and their conditions. We are watching a record-number of children being born with genetic and environmentally-based abnormalities. The future looks very bleak.

You should be angry. I am. I can say this: be grateful for our current freedom of connection with the internet, by cell phone, and even connecting openly in person in groups and social clubs. Free speech can be poisonous, yes, and divisive, yes, and can corrode our society. So don’t allow it. Instead, keep your own personal connections with others. Continue to spread the words of hope and community. Remain loving and brag about your family, your children, your friends. Connect with those who you don’t often hear from online. But don’t allow this “box” to be your only source of connection!! Please, reach out and be a part of the bigger picture in your groups. And not just as a sports fan or an entertainment junkie. Be an actual member of society. We can continue to spread our knowledge, call out the leaders who are corrupt and unfair, and reach out to a hurting and fearful world around you.

Most recently, here in Colorado, a young man, seemingly “normal”, walked into a movie theater and gunned down 58 people, killing 12 innocent victims, including a 6 year old child. I am flabbergasted. He apparently tried to reach out, sending his entire plan and manifesto to his university that apparently was never opened or read by anyone. How could this have come to pass? Crazy thing is: he could have been any of us. Or one of our children. Is it so unlikely that with our 3D video portrayals of blood and gore that it is any less likely for someone that plays an obsessive game like World of Warcraft or Grand Theft Auto could easily find a way to transfer hate and fear into using real weapons and take out real people? But this incident has superceded all current injustices and the most news-worthy of the day.

But there are so many more injustices. I recently left Chicago and found out the average rate of shooting deaths is between 20 and 40 people per month in the City!! We also learned that in the city of Chicago, you are not allowed to have a gun to protect yourself and often concealed weapons permits are not honored. We are arguing gun control, but in reality, who is watching what our children’s minds are absorbing from film, television and the internet? What are we mentally feeding our youth?

In our travels this past now-7 months, we have lived among the homeless and there are an inordinate number of them that have served in our war with Iraq and Afghanistan and have severe PTSD. Why is this phenomenon not addressed? We also saw a plethora of families that lost their homes to the banking system’s corruption of taking our tax payer money but not forgiving debts to starving families. Food bank and meal lines are packed. Yet our U.S. Congress continues to cut back financial aid to the poor and downtrodden. We were lucky. If we ever needed help along our journey, I would ask the Universe to provide it and it came in so many different forms. And I am grateful that for many years I helped and volunteered and provided for others because I honestly believe that is why the favor was returned. But I am angry and hurt for others.

On the flip side, we met a number of people with plenty, many of whom we were able to become acquainted. We met other networkers like ourselves in our producing and filmmaking community. New Orleans is teaming with work because of the tax incentives Louisiana has provided for feature films. This came about by the vision of the community. We were on set with many amazing people, from lawyers and doctors to those who were retired and now act as extras in films. And I often encouraged any of the homeless families we met along the way to apply for positions in Louisiana as extras and crew. We were blessed to be in movies and television shows. And we were able to make a little money along the way to help our own cause. As a filmmaker, I encourage everyone to write to their Congress members to include tax incentives for other states as well. It can really help bring jobs to a community. So there is a solution for every little injustice, like our increasing unemployment rate, if we just find those answers among ourselves.

Igniting Your Own Fire

What can you and your friends do in your own community to create jobs? What are we doing to help the homeless and the displaced in your own backyard? What can you do in your own family to help an elderly relative? What can you say to encourage someone around you during a hard time? What can you offer in your own social groups to educate, provide for or ignite the passion of those around you? What are you teaching your children about the World? And what are you willing to change within yourself to ignite your own Righteous Fire?

As I come to the end of this treatise today, I realize I could easily spend my time on a soapbox and stand on a street corner and yell “the sky is falling” and it won’t do any good. We already know the dire situation of our own country, the poverty and the depression and the bullying by large corporations that led to overseas hiring and unfair trade practices…this didn’t happen overnight. I could go on about pharmaceutical price gouging and insurances not covering wellness and GMO food production that is destroying the nutritives in our foods. But you can read about these injustices every day, sandwiched between the massive press coverage of reality television stars and who in Hollywood is getting divorced this week.

So regardless of my good intentions to expound upon Righteous Anger, it is inevitably a part of our human nature. Power and control and abuse are an everyday event in our World. So the best thing to do is pray to your Higher power/Creator and to continue to connect with the Spirit and with your community. Inform everyone about these injustices in your daily world on the internet, in the office, in your mother’s groups, or at the gym after work. Do not hide from them. Do not ignore them. Be grateful for them.

Whatever you do, feel the fire. If you have gotten to the end of this reading, do not ignore the call to do something. Allow it to transform you as it has me. And we can all connect together to break the cycles of anger that are ingrained in our humanity, one person at a time.