The Consuming Fire of Spirit - The Dragon Who Breathes the Fire of Life

“If you ignore the dragon, it will eat you. If you try to confront the dragon it will overpower you. If you ride the dragon, you will take advantage of its might and power.”

— Chinese Proverb (1)

In Chinese and Japanese lore, the goddess Kuan Yin is representative of the Divine Feminine. She is the female Bodhisattva of the Buddha. She is also the goddess of the sea. She represents the power of all that is the feminine in our lives, including emotion, healing, romantic passion, depth of wisdom and birth to life. As the Eternal Mother, Kuan Yin is often depicted holding a child in her arms, much like our other feminine deities, including the Mother Mary, Isis, Hera, Demeter, and of course Gaia, who is often shown as a pregnant deity holding the world in her belly.

What is different about Kuan Yin is that she is the representation of light and compassion, dressed in white, flowing robes and crowned with a veil, much like the halos over all of the divine beings in all beliefs. She is also kin to Shakti, Pavarti and Sita, the highest maternal goddesses of the Hindu pantheon and special wives to the gods. In the study of the Ascended Masters, Kuan Yin as the Mother of Compassion is known as “she who harkens to the cries of the world.” (2)

What is significant about her character is that she is the original “mother of dragons” (which is an excellent use of character depicted on the famous book and television series, Game of Thrones). Kuan Yin is often depicted in art riding on the back of a sea dragon that rides through ocean waves. She calmly surfs the dragon, which represents raw potentiality, terrifying transformation and death of human negativity and evil. The waves represent the overwhelming emotions of grief, loss, pain, renewal and release. As life gives us its storms of fear, we call upon Kuan Yin for her compassion to overcome the challenges we face before we drown. The dichotomy of a dragon of the sea that breathes the fire of transformation within its core is what we face every day of our lives: the choice to be overcome or bury all emotion or to face the fire and ride the surf of awakening.

So with this kind of awakening being so hostile and painful, why would we want to go through it at all? Well, often as in my case, it was a necessary life process given to me, not something I particularly “asked” to experience. But I do realize that those of us that are awakened are in the positions of changing the world. We couldn't do what we do if we didn't face the fire of transformation. Dragon energy represents infinity, longevity, wisdom, the depths of the Universe, and rising from the ashes. The Phoenix is the feminine Eastern dragon of rebirth, corresponding to the masculine water dragon that we see Kuan Yin riding. Phoenix energy is pure death and rebirth—out of the ashes. This kind of transformation is even more striking to those of us that have taken it upon ourselves to face our Dragon energies.

What transforms us into Dragons who embody Spirit? Why are we different than other spirit creatures? I wouldn’t want to run into a Tiger spirit in the dark of the forest. Nor would I want to be confronted with the giant Whale spirit that dwells in the darkness of Neptune’s playgrounds. Yet Dragon spirit appears as the most lethal and difficult to master. Recently I have been asked, “How does one become a dragon?” This is not an easy, how-to manual of steps to finding one’s inner dragon. However, if we examine the characteristics that dragons possess, we can see how Dragon spirit has manifested in our own lives.

The first of Dragon’s characteristics is fire. Fire represents emotions such as anger, passion and rage. It comes from deep within, often associated with lungs and heart, the fourth chakra. Fire also is colored red, orange and yellow, tapping into the lower chakras of physical, emotional and relationship change. Around a campfire, we huddle and sing and cook and invoke sexuality. Winged insects are drawn to the flame. The candle is a fire that illuminates a space and allows us to see. So if you incorporate these elements of fire into your Dragon transformation, you are invoking the passions within you that radiate heat, light and energy into the darkness. You are also awakening the pleasures and provocations of relationships, from the depths of lust to the fury of facing one’s enemies. Fire is painful, burns flesh and purifies soul. Witches were burned at the stake because men feared their power. Dragons too have the element of invoking fear due to fire. This is the awakening of Dragon spirit.

When you face your demons, examine where your anger is focused or confront your inner passions, you are invoking Dragon spirit. When you are feared by others, you are emanating that spirit. How about when you are protecting your children or have an overwhelming sense of compassion? These too are invocations of Dragon spirit. Each has its own resonation, its own flame color, but they are all manifestations of the depth of wisdom dwelling within.

Dragon also has scales and claws and often is depicted with a vicious tail. These elements are representation of the armor of Dragon spirit. We have the ability to protect our massive hearts. We can use our scales to reflect energies of those who want to control or hurt or steal from our deep fire within. We can pierce the armor of our enemies and oppressors with our powerful claws. And we can knock over those who fear our power with the force of our tails. Invocation of Dragon spirit's armor helps you go within when you feel attacked or take the time to stalk the enemy within that is eating away at your soul. When working with Dragon spirit, remember you are not alone. It is a powerful message for those who have lost a spouse or a child. Our scales may appear to keep us from being "warm" to the outside world. But we are in this together, Dragons, and even in our solitude we have a clan of souls to draw upon in our journeys to wisdom.

More powerful yet are the teeth and jaws of Dragon. There is a saying “for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup” that is a description of how we can use our Dragon teeth to swallow our enemies and those who want to come after us with pitchforks. Fear is the Dragon’s favorite food. We eat our fear in order to transform it. The confrontation of Dragon’s fiery breath and massive teeth can make anyone tremble. So the lesson we learn by invoking the physical characteristics of Dragon is that we can become a greater presence if we fight the powers that be, invoke restorative justice, and destroy those characteristics even within ourselves that limit our potentiality, such as cowardice, the inability to see the truth and the pride of haughty individuality (i.e. narcissism). Better yet, these transformative teeth give us the sustenance to survive the explosion of ended relationships. We can eat those false expectations and bitter words that were shot like arrows into our massive scaled frames. Use those teeth to remove the arrows and swallow the darkness. Transform those experiences into the pure light of compassion--let Kuan Yin ride upon the waves of your memories.

Many dragons also have a powerful similarity in strength—either a dragon has wings or the ability to fly through water at rapid speeds. Whether your Dragon spirit soars into the Universe and astral projects around the stars or it can dive into the darkest depths of oceans and surface many continents away in record-breaking time, all Dragon spirits have power. This kind of power is exactly why others become terrified when you transform. This is gut-wrenching, heart-pounding power that makes any Halloween costume appear cheesy in comparison, no matter how dark and scary. Dragon spirit power uses all its characteristics and gifts to manifest this atomic energy into an explosion of devastating proportions. Invoking this strength of character often manifests into gentleness, so don't limit your power by creating power just for power's sake. Harness your wings and soar into higher consciousness.

This is important to know because it can also unintentionally burn those around us. Often we don’t mean to hurt our loved ones, but in a rage of Dragon fire, untamed and unchecked, we can destroy those souls that mean the most to us. Those that fear us often have a different version of a story to tell about our manifestations. On the other hand, sometimes the fear-invoking power is a way for others to blame us for their insecurities and inabilities. We must remain true to our power and harness it with wisdom to separate those explosions of rage and the true transformation of fire that burns those out of our lives that have taken a lesser path.

When you choose to take the path of the Dragon, be humbled and ask Kuan Yin for her unconditional compassion. Find ways to breathe the power of fire into your relationships, your children, your work and your passions. Make a safe place to learn about your transformation so you can heal from your scars and wound and invoke your beautiful scales to protect your heart. Breathe deep into the fire of meditation. Fly high into the realms of possibility. Use your speed and power to dive deep into the oceans of emotional healing. And when you become the Dragon spirit, look at yourself in the mirror or the water below as you fly over it and grin with those massive teeth as you prepare to swallow those fears around you. And we will all ascend to the mountaintops and into the ocean depths together. Just look for others who radiate with light. We will all come together when we are needed. Don't be afraid. Now is the time to manifest your Dragon spirit.

Quotes from the following pages:
(1) http://personaltao.com/services/school/
(2) http://www.lightascension.com/arts/Ascended%20Master.htm

Chapter 6--Unconditional Love Leads To an Unconditional Life

I began writing my thoughts and journeys down in September 2009. I will eventually edit all of my material as I have gained great wisdom and knowledge since beginning this journey. However, I can see the progression is greatly enhanced by this revelation: That we must live our lives in Unconditional Love. It seems idealistic. Many have told me I wear "rose-colored glasses." But the Truth comes out when one finally crosses that Threshold into understanding a connection with the Divine and not allowing daily circumstances to break that connection, but rather enhance it. It is living in one's Center, finding one's God, having one's Divine inspiration...it all relates to crossing a bridge that when on the other side seems like such a fond memory to a new beginning.

In Chapters 1 and 2, I created a definition for dichotomy and balance in life. My desire was to cover examples of life's contrasts--the Yin and Yang of "good" and "bad" thought, which ultimately leads to questioning WHY do we perceive something is one way or the other? The conclusions became that everything happens for the purpose of 1. Creating contrast in life lessons along the way to allow us to see if we are in line with our higher learning path and 2. Defining experiences and people in our lives as those we are able to connect with Conditionally or Unconditionally.

In Chapters 3 and 4, I define what IS Love. I go into detail over the definitions of Love in its many forms and then how it connects to us in relationships. But these definitions are limited by our worldly scope of Love if they separate our individual self from our Divine Creator. It may come across as academic, but it is in finding that Love is so diverse that we often find ourselves categorizing our feelings for others based on our definitions rather than what we see in them by "walking a mile in their moccasins." These definitions allow relatability. I absolutely love seeing those around me through that lens! In spite of our own thoughts, behaviors and attractions, we still have a Divine connection that shows us what we need to learn. So what is your goal in this lifetime? To see the thread in everything around you? Or to allow yourself to be limited by what you are told to be the truth?

The reason I am asking the choice here is much like when Morpheus asks Neo if he wants the red or the blue pill in the movie The Matrix. Once your eyes have seen beyond the scope in front of you, once you become blind to skin color, age, race, religion, region and social class, you also see that connection that allows us to rise in consciousness and elevate humanity. Now, I have seen many who have been given the SAME choices as I and challenges as I have and they chose to remain where they were in their own reality. I see it all the time now because it is so contrasting to what I feel and believe. In fact, I am often "accused" of being and thinking OUTSIDE reality. I do. This is a given once you cross into the Threshold of Divine Living. I don't have to engage with those that believe in the limitation of what our awakening allows. However, I still choose to commune with those that understand being alive in our world is to be open to the infinite possibility, vibrate on the level of Love, and reach out to those around us who are also striving to find this path.

So what I discovered is that those around me are a reflection of my Universe and I often find the Truth between experiences, encounters, words and reflections within these connections! So using this format, I am looking at what I see in the World and what I see in the Collective Consciousness and find a way to bridge these worlds together--Earth and Divine--by observing my world from the outside-the-box point-of-view! And within that framework, I find thankfulness for my entire journey!

Gratefulness for the Journey to the Truth

I have to admit that the switch didn't happen overnight, even after experiencing challenges that would push many other more open individuals to that moment of enlightenment. It was a lot more subtle for me on my journey. As I expressed in the last chapter, I had a lot of Conditional Love examples that led me to learn more and more about what path I did NOT want to take. I chose to allow friendships, partnerships, and even family relationships to remain long after they had become negative or self-serving BECAUSE I love them. I remember incidences throughout my life of friends that used me for my talent, my looks, my intellect and my faith. Many of the "vampire energies" that I have allowed to exist came in through the door of love. I was incapable of separating Love and Service from being used. This was also a byproduct of my upbringing, belief system and social conditioning. But I am grateful for all my life lessons!

Now we have this crazy thing called Facebook that we use to connect with other people. I have had many relationships reconnected through this virtual forum. It's amazing! Think of this--millions of us connect in order to share information, stories, memories and often ideologies and passions. It has been a brilliant social experiment for the world! So many other forums offered similar means of connecting for many different reasons. Since the internet has become a household entity, we have had Myspace around for a while for connecting, Twitter for networking, LinkedIn for business, Meetup.com for hosting groups, and now we have all kinds of virtual sites for marketing, class reunions, dating, and sharing interests. We have the giants like Google, Wikipedia, and all these virtual news sources to feed us information. The World is at our fingertips! And what do many of us do? Pass pictures of kittens to one another and play online video games. I find it quite fascinating!

So I have discovered that if I use all these mediums, virtually post my expressions of Love and Light to whomever in my Universe is listening (including this blog!), I am creating a space for allowing others to come into my world as well and to open to my awareness. Many are already there and come as a friend and peer in this Journey. And these are the folks I keep attracting. I find myself feeling such gratefulness and community thanks to these connections...many of which are still only virtual. I do attempt to create as many face-to-face connections as possible. In fact, that is what I live for--traveling, journeys to see other people, connecting to find out of there are ways to get these messages out to many. I collaborate when I write. I depend on my closest friends and family for guidance as well as keeping my focus on reality. And I find that I still resonate with those who want to live an altruistic lifestyle. I desire a gift-society living and I am creating this life for myself and living this way with my family.

Several years ago I had a series of crossroad moments that allowed me to move toward these directions and attract these kinds of communities. I have covered the challenges (Conditional Love) in relationships. I encountered issues that included commitment to myself and my path, the ability to transform a relationship with loving kindness, and the abrupt ending of those relationships that vibrated into different directions for whatever reason. To expand these patterns in relationships, I was recently reminded of the connections I have made with other movie producers. I have also been partnered with many of these business relationships, but when I set the intention of looking for a mutual ground, I am often met with resistance. There are still many who live for themselves but do not VALUE the work done, monetarily or otherwise. Since it has no "value" then the work is not considered work at all and often I have been taken for granted by my generosity. These moments then defined my movement.

For instance, I began this Journey of Enlightenment while I was working for a movie producer as his Network Specialist. We had a great working relationship but no contracts. He showed me how to focus on creating the environment and life you want by putting my Spiritual attractions to work in our business. It seemed to work for a time. I told him I needed to be paid for my work or I couldn't work with him anymore and he told me no. So I learned a lot from our agreement, but wasn't honored in pay or for what I was worth, which became a question: what AM I worth? Then I moved on to partner with other people, learned to run a production company myself, and have made a choice to step out of that arena when a new path presented itself returning to acting and learning to master screenwriting. The more I plan to produce and create works that are high-minded, the more high-minded the connections I am making. And my lesson--self-worth--reflects now even more strongly when contrasted by those who don't see that within themselves.

Since my movie producer partner faded away into the distance, we always come around to reconnect in one way or another. He unfortunately lost his girlfriend at the same time my ex died in 2011, so we had a reason to communicate on a personal level. My world has become greater thus the distance between degrees of separation are smaller. I am actively involved with people in my spiritual community in Denver. I am also working in partnership to write and create several entities that will reflect our strong ideologies on film. I find that we all know a lot of the same people. Many chose to "take sides" when I left my last relationship because he too was widely connected. But those that have stayed "friends" (whether virtually or on a regular basis) are showing that they don't have a need to be Conditional with me! This is a great progress I have had with my friendships--they continue to reconnect and it is happening with more and more friendships as I write.

Seeking the Truth from Humanity's Reflection

So not only do I have these great mediums to express my gratefulness, these connections that are inspired by the Divine, but I also have the blessings of the connections to the Truth. Another pattern I encountered in my Journey was finding the right Spiritual Truths when I asked for them! Remember, many of Life's Lessons come from a yearning to seek an answer, even if it appears in a form unpleasant or difficult to handle. I have learned about my own strong desire to be independent because I am watching my daughter mimic and reflect my very essence when I was her age and in college. I also see a reflection of my awakening in the young people I have encountered the last few years in my travels and here in our spiritual groups. When they have an "ah-hah moment" I am reminded of my own blessings. I am also reminded of my humanity when I see a young person fail to achieve their goal and end up in disappointment. I can comfort them and it also comforts me to know that not everything happens as we set out to create it. BUT if we are open to it, the Higher Path will lead us to where we are suppose to be going.

I have a great example. Often the truth of the world's view comes out of the mouths of babes. Children often indicate a gauge to our wellness by their words, often just blurted out. I have had nephews and nieces and friends' children tell me things like, "Why do you look so different? Why are you so (skinny, big, old, etc)?" My first thought becomes, "What have I done to my body?" Oftentimes in stress I have allowed my body to fluctuate and my body appearance changes when I am in these situations--thus this thought gives me an indicator on what I might have to look at to change. In my experience I have had to look at the reasons behind the questions as well, so I don't have negative thoughts at any time about my appearance per se nor about the child that asked the question by any means! I have been told by another child that I am the most beautiful woman they have seen! (That was one of my adoring nephews). But I do take these signs into consideration IF I feel I may be on the wrong track for some reason. Yet many times I see this as a reflection of the World in general as to how I am intended to be by their standards. So am I focusing on the wrong thoughts? Does this analysis make sense to you? Do you judge or reflect yourself to the world in a way that is allowing your light to shine through as the Creation that you are? So when they ask, "Why do you look so different?" you can answer, "because I am so joyful!" Thinking within as a reflection of the Divine rather than on the surface became an imperative leap of understanding in my journey.

Children are well-known for pointing out other things too. One child used to ask me, "Do you believe in Jesus like my mommy does?" to which I answered, "I do believe that Jesus was here for a reason. I believe you are here too, right in front of me, for a reason! We all exist here for a reason." Another used to ask me, "How old are you really?" to which I answered, "How old do you want me to be?" One child asked me why I don't have my own house. Another wants to know why I have chosen not to buy another car. I then look at the Path I have chosen and I am grateful for what I have decided to do with each choice along the way. I also have had children ask me why I was in a specific relationship, which in a nutshell was an litmus test to what I was reflecting and often asking myself at the same time. These are all thoughts stemmed from a societal awakening that they are experiencing. These thoughts intrigue me as I examine their origins--faith, social status, possessions--but often they are indicators upon examination of the way the World looks at me. So I ask, am I too seeing myself from a worldly point-of-view or am I focusing on what I can do for my family, for my community and those around me? The answer more and more has been I am on the RIGHT PATH and everything else becomes superfluous.

So how did I take all of these encounters into consideration? I began to think of myself in Divine terms as I encountered people, as having the Spirit within and seeing their Spirit as well. And these definitions of self I reflected back to those around me. Going back to seeking for Spiritual Truths, when I began searching for peers and teachers who I could resonate with, I sought for those around me to be forthright, but for the right reasons! Then I began to attract those who would call me out on my limitations, stop me from thinking Conditionally, and give me an honest feedback to where I was heading. I had a few close friends in 2009 when I began this writing that would reflect with me and point me in the right direction. Now I am blessed with hundreds of new connections throughout the world!

The Rest of My Journey Up To Now

So how did I cross this bridge over to Unconditional Love? As I concluded above, I first chose to take a path starkly different than the ones my relationships were on (especially after leaving Colorado and visiting my old stomping grounds in Chicago the Summer of 2009 with my daughter and my best friends Tom and Greg). Then I found compassion from those who understood my major life changes, especially since I left the negativity AND all my belongings behind. All I had at that point was the car I was driving and the suitcases I was carrying. I then found my self-worth through exploring my relationship with others in business and chose to work in positions only making what I was worth. There were a couple of exceptions to the rule this past year while settling into new environments, but that is to be expected. And I finally decided to look at myself through the lens of the Divine, rather than the World.

I no longer need material things, though I enjoy some comforts and I have excellent taste because I love to decorate. I use the skills I have learned basically everyday, from business to parenting to leadership from an Unconditional point of view. I analyze everything I do and for what purpose it has come into my life at the time that it does. I write out my conflicts and lessons in this form, in my screenwriting developments, in novel and in poetry. I embrace rather than run from emotions and I stand up for myself when I am wronged. I am not passive or quiet in my passions, in fact I am rather outspoken and forthright when asked. I don't limit my conversations to help others unless it has a non-Unconditional based motive, like those that want my attention for romantic pursuits rather than on a true friendship level. And I have found myself on the other side of these realizations in a wonderful, loving family environment!

My family life here in Denver is wonderful! It is exactly where we are meant to be. We are learning gifts from one another because we choose to cherish one another! This is such a simple thought but it is powerful and inspires greatness from all of us. I am running a business with my family, enjoying raising a step-daughter, looking for ways to expand our business and my writing through travel, creating concepts that will elevate our purposes and give the world around us a little more hope. I accept my humanity in the forms of the occasional illness, a momentary lapse of reason, an outburst of frustration every once in a while. I am a Spiritual person here having a Physical experience on this planet! This is how I look at any situation--through a Spiritual filter.

I also believe in Karma. Everyone who I have wronged I have either had a chance to reconcile or have been able to let go of the situation. There are a few exceptions because of a continued conflict, mostly revolving around my children. I allowed myself to be treated in an inferior way by not placing a value on my own skills and talents as a mother, guardian and partner in previous relationships. Now my wonderful partner Mark and our adorable other-mother Amber and our daughter all seek to honor one another's gifts and I feel so blessed to be venerated for what I do. I love my life and I am finally finding that "home" where before I was always running, travelling, seeking the answers elsewhere. I find the beauty of the Universe's Unconditional Love in energy given to create, write, sing, meditation, honor and thank one another. And now it is time to do something with this Unconditional Love and Divine Knowledge! This is the next step on my Journey to Enlightenment--where should we put all our love and overflowing passion?

Chapter 5--Love's Labour Lost--Conditional V. Unconditional Love

Several years ago, as I was starting my book to my children, I stumbled upon a pattern in humanity that created a movement in my own life and those lives around me. This pattern has been threaded throughout everything I do and is a byproduct of Unconditional Love. I know that sounds really ODD to many (especially my children and those in my life who have learned that love is Conditional), but it is actually a truth that has become stronger and more quantifiable as I explore its possibilities.

See, it is within the LOVE that is LOST and FOUND that I continue to stand by what I have discovered and see the changes in those around me when I truly live in a state of Unconditional Love. It is going to be a Quantum Leap of faith and may alter your thought process if you are not familiar with living every moment in Love, but I guarantee that if you make an attempt to do it daily, you will start seeing it from the point of view of the Collective Consciousness, then you will seriously find your own life changing, progressing quickly, advancing in wisdom, and suddenly you will find yourself in a state of bliss like no other.

Once again, in my writing I remind you that loving everyone does NOT mean giving in, placating, becoming passive or a "doormat", or any allowance of anyone in your life to take advantage of you. Boundaries are by far the greatest expression of Love--if you love yourself enough to set a boundary, then the others in your life either show true love and respect it, or they will be a part of what I call the Love Labour Lost Pool...

My greatest blessing, however, is that I have been given the energy from my Divinity to heal many of these broken relationships, and most recently I have been blessed with the reunion in communication with my two children who did not grow up with me--Christopher and Jacquelyn. I can say that in spite of all the fear-based propaganda and separation, they have made the choice to be loving and take our relationship together to a higher level. I am grateful for both of my children, my oldest child Virginia whom I have been blessed to be with and continue our relationship continuously, and the newest members of my family--my better half, Mark, my best friend Amber, and their daughter Consciense...now we are a completed family! And I attribute it all to taking the higher path of Unconditional Love.

Love Everyone Because We Are All Part of the Creation!

In my fourth chapter on Love, I discussed digging deep into agape and philia, the ideologies/definitions of Love being for friendship and relationships. These are based on our unions formed with each Soul Mate as we are connected to the Divine and partner with the Collective Consciousness. This means that it is because we are connected to a Creator/Divine Source that allows all of Creation to connect together (outside time and space. This means that everyone and everything we encounter is part of our Divine connection). So it leads to the conclusion that we are all ONE in unity, those that have come before, those that will be here or with us in whatever capacity and however it looks to our own reality.

Now, my children and friends, this is a strange realization. Can you fathom loving everyone? Seriously--aren't there people in your life whom you can never see yourself loving? Even I have those people in my life, so don't think I have all the answers to the Divine plan! That is definitely where my humanity comes in too! But I will discuss separation from the Divine shortly. Meanwhile, take a moment to think of how your world would look if everyone loved one another!

Let's create this world of Perfect Love--what does it look like to you? Unrealistic huh? But let's just say our souls suddenly decided to live in harmony and everyone suddenly began practicing altruism--the act of completely giving selflessly. It would mean that social conventions would change drastically. For instance, MONEY would become obsolete. Everyone would give to one another what they need. MATERIAL EXCESS would also be unnecessary--why do you really need that expensive electronic anyway? VIOLENT IMAGERY would diminish--because the real world would eliminate violence, so would our images of the world through movies, video games and the internet. And LIFE would be valued, thus WAR and RELIGIOUS SEPARATISM and KILLING would diminish. Then what if we added true compassion for one another? We would see an end to EXTREME POVERTY, SERFDOM, CLASS DOMINANCE, and so forth. Again, this makes a great novel, but it is NOT currently a path of reality on this planet at this time.

Love always counterbalances with Fear. This is the realistic picture. And it has been inevitable and impossible to escape in the current way our Spirits play out our connections in this Universe. See, as I have learned, it may be that we have to experience negatives in order to appreciate positives. Again, we go back to the Yin and Yang of life. But I have seen the pattern change.... This sounds absurd to those who haven't been where we are yet, but it does change! Let me further investigate this possibility.

So if we are all created from the same Source, we are all part of the same fabric of the Universe, we are all infused with energy and that energy can either be a reflection of Love or Fear, which are emitted like vibrations throughout our being. Have you ever had that feeling that you know what someone is thinking just based on a feeling of them, not on anything they say or do? We alter our vibrations when we choose to focus on a certain frequency, which attracts others with the same vibration--those that choose the path of Love spend their days looking at their life and their surroundings, their family and friends, from the lenses of a Greater Power that is Unconditional. Like a scale tipped into a stronger direction, this kind of life is blessed, abundant and the doors open for more wisdom and peace than you can ever imagine. On the other side, many still choose the path of Fear to run their lives. This manifests, as mentioned in previous chapters, as prejudice, separatism, an imbalance of seeing others as inferior, and eventually it could lead to Hate. Supporting fear, worry and ideologies that are based in negative learned experiences or behaviors is what has created racism, religious oppression, and has spawned greater patterns like violence on television and the news, desensitizing our lives to the mire that we have created as a species.

This all leads back to WHERE do you put your energy?? Do you truly desire to start your path to loving everyone or do you want to give in to the current fear-based propaganda and sensational media that allows us to remain in a lower energy state of conflict?

Pushing Out the Fear and Centering in the Love

In my own life I have been faced with very specific fear-based challenges. I will quickly go through them, since many of my other writings go into detail about the challenges, changes and Soul Mates I have encountered that challenged who I AM and what I stood for in this lifetime. Specifically, I have defining moments that have brought about significant change and I have decided to live my life in Unconditional Love because of these challenges. As I experienced each threshold, feeling burned by each painful lesson, I had a choice that was proposed to me each time: live in resentment, anger and hate (all part of Fear) or move on and live in Love.

Fear manifests in many ways. Let me start with this, because it is not just about the relationships that have been a major factor in my life changing so drastically, but also the other manifestations of fear that have created an imbalance in my own Universe. If I start with my childhood, many of you can relate and can see how I chose the paths I did. And this too, as a loving memoir for my children, will also give them and all my "other children" the opportunity to find out more about who I AM as a whole. And as I always said, I am an open book. I asked for this lifestyle. I asked to be challenged. And ultimately, I asked to be a teacher and leader in this New Era of Enlightenment.

My parents were young--18 and 19--when I was born. I know there aren't any "manuals" on parenting, but in my knowledge of the world now, I am well aware that they were sorely unprepared for child rearing. My father and I are rather close now as I have said many times in my writings, but my mother made another choice in her life--to be angry and miserable and live her entire life in fear, jealousy and pain. Forgiveness was not very often expressed to us as children, and as the oldest of five siblings, I was often the brunt of my mother's anger. This by the way is an observation...I have no anger or resentment against my mother. I learned to see both sides of her--the loving and creative side and the angry and controlling side. I chose to take from that relationship a great number of gifts that I have in my own life today, such as my love for music, singing, cooking and throwing awesome children's birthdays.

What I learned from my mother is that her love was Conditional. She could not grasp the concept of how to overcome her anger toward her life, her family, her father and sister, and what she was lacking in her own journey. I had a similar revelation in high school--so many I met were one or the other, Conditional or Unconditional in their approach to love. I grew up in a Christian-based society where I met many leaders in the community that were actually genuine examples of Unconditional Love and some were shining examples of faith-based superiority and separatism. I observed friends from high school who were kind and yet had emotional stagnation within their own families. I also observed friends who had felt or shown some kind of superiority because of money, parental issues, or status of some sort. And yet I tended to befriend and remain friends with those like myself who had a sense of loyalty, togetherness and friendship. I swore I would live my life as my greatest examples had shown me, Love is Truly Source and Truly Unconditional. This was the lesson I learned from the great Masters in my life--Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, and Mother Theresa. So I made a choice to live as an example of Unconditional Love, but that did not last very long.

College was a different story altogether. Everything seemed conditional. I put those limitations on my experiences there. For instance, I had a lot of male friends and suitors, but I never allowed them to flourish into anything solid. I was determined to finish my degree no matter what so I always kept men at arm's length. I decided not to marry a couple of them. I ended up attracting men who were also non-committal and not faithful. I didn't see a need for monogamy OR love. But in the end, I did feel love at least in a Conditional sense. Life was moving forward, I was learning how to create a distance from people but at the same time I was learning the depths of love in literature, in watching others around me, and found a great limitation in relationships that were created in college...I felt lonely after the years of closing off to the Unconditional possibility.

I also had a major life dichotomy in my career and then in my marriage at the age of 22. I had to choose the very conditional lifestyle of a doctor and continue pushing to graduate and go to medical school, or on the other hand to settle into a relationship that was permanent and seek unconditional partnership. I chose to get married. I missed out in one way of a lifetime of stability, focus, money and doing something good for society and for myself. But I was blessed with the amazing satisfaction of being a mother. Since all three children were born by the age of 27, and because my marriage fell apart at 30 years old, I was able at that point to definitely recognize a love that was not going to be giving, not going to put my needs above his own, and not able to truly grasp the Source of Unconditional Love, and the kind of love I would then spend the next 14 years seeking to find. Everything in the worlds of those around me at that point revolved around money or social status--my ex, his family, my bosses, my friends, and my own family--and many of them used a false belief system to ostracize and cut out anyone that didn't believe in their system, including the imposed ideology that I was demanded to subject myself unconditionally but receive no reward in return.

This leads to the divorce. I was subjected to a variety of fear-based emotions to counteract with my own self-loathing and fear, which came out as I made a decision that shattered my faith in humanity. I was faced with betrayal. I experienced this from my sister, my ex-husband, my ex-in-laws and my mother, all of whom "judged" and put a condition on me because I chose to leave my marriage. But their actions ultimately led to a karmic path of deception. These betrayals included a series of lies about my character, which led to a nasty custody battle which still continues. And they led to the ultimate downfall of my faith in my belief system as well. If these people could be so hateful for my choice to leave, and then commit acts of hatred, then how could they be portraying an honorable ideology of the Creator? Then I gave up hope, experienced that journey into the abyss, fell into a much-deserved depression, and spent five years in a state of anger against those who were allowed to cause these betrayals. But THIS too is an illusion! See, they were and are just incapable of understanding Unconditional Love. They acted out of their own self-denial. Their character portrayals were destroyed in my eyes. And I too became conditional--the ONE thing I swore would never happen.

Then there were the years of confusion. Why did I continue to attract Conditional Love? Why did I find myself incapable of attracting someone with these ideologies? Why did I have such Unconditional Love from my children but such hatred from those around me? My ex-husband and his family were hateful and spiteful in their actions, spending every dime in court but not even lifting a finger to help me get back on my feet for my children's sake. They continued to take more and more money. My boyfriend during those years was hateful and angry and violent but wouldn't leave me. My kids were struggling and watched me go through so much pain. My daughter who lived with me was suddenly taken from me a second time and I was devastated and the wounds reopened. By this time I fought back. I fought against the system and started publishing papers on the corrupt court system and inability for justice to see abuse when it is right in front of them. Like the human condition, separated and disjointed, the Family Law courts were specifically riddled with injustices and betrayals and abuses, caused by the anger fed into it and the attorneys who promoted separation and discredit those of us that were fighting for truth. In fact, if there ever was a creature of destruction, its name is Family Law Court. I became vocal locally and nationally and the court and the ex's family fought back harder.

I hit a breaking point, which everyone who must find a better path eventually does. After I finally took a break for my sanity and went to study for my last semester in college at University of Alicante in Spain, I walked away from all the projected anger and judgement. I chose to have a solitary but meaningful life. This started while I was in Spain because it was such a tranquil place to live and I was right on the ocean. But I found that my break turned into a momentary stop. And the ability to be alone was superseded by a strong, sudden attraction to a Spaniard. I eloped with him in Spain, then officially back in the U.S., and we moved to Aspen, Colorado. He was a wonderful man but on the path of self-awareness, yet not ready for an altruistic companionship. He left after we were married four months. I was able to get over it quickly because our time together was so short, but he again showed me a Conditional love. This then became the Opposing Pattern: Conditional Relationships were showing me what was NOT the right path.

So I realized that the second, unrealistic marriage was built on conditions as well and I filed for an annulment. By this time, as you probably guessed, I was still living Unconditionally for my children but not able to live this way in a relationship. I continued to repeat this lesson over and over until about three years ago. Meanwhile, I learned that my ability to make a home and settle somewhere became conditional as well. My ability to work at a job that was what I was worth was conditional and all but impossible to find. I can't practice in my academic profession because the field of Anthropology demands a higher degree than what is possible for me to have attained at that time. And my relationships with friends were conditional. I didn't have any support from family or otherwise, except for my sister Jane, who has always been my sounding board and my rock. But she too was feeling the conditional love that always makes us wanting for more, never satisfied in our lives.

Sudden Awakening and the Awareness of my Limitations

Now showing how my life changed from Conditional in childhood, Unconditional in my faith, to a loss of faith and an implementation once more of the Conditional. This was all part of the contrast to my learning process. I had to lose my belief in humanity to be capable of Unconditional Love! This way I could prove it to myself by attempting to see if it is actually possible! And guess what? It was!

I decided to begin to live my life and connection to the Universe as the element of Unconditional Love in my life. It took a few more years of failed jobs and failed relationships and I became a failure to myself as I fell into a cold state of conditional love mirrored by the use of alcohol and drugs to distance myself further from pain and anger. I spent three years in this state of brokenness, then attracted the worst kind of relationships that I could have imagined--the physically abusive ones. I had some of this experience with my boyfriend after marriage. But it was during my period of awakening that my strongest attraction became someone who was so self-loathing that his anger was always taken out on me. He was my total opposite and my chance to learn to vibrate either for or against my own true happiness. I had no choice: I HAD to see that side of me or I would never be whole and face the truth of my existence!

After 2008, I ran as fast as I could from this relationship but I ended up attracting men constantly who wanted to control me! I was still continuing the pattern and I had to discover why. And this Soul Mate remained in my life for another 2 years! It was the most difficult in Miami and the year afterward because I was separated from this hateful boyfriend, but still unable to give up the acts of separation that became habits in my life with him (alcohol and drugs). And he refused to let me go, which turned into an obsession to control me. This lesson taught me to fight for my independence but also to find another way out--to vibrate differently. By this time, I was further separated from my two youngest children who have been forbidden to contact me for 4 years. This was the ex's ultimate hate, but it is going to be no match to the power of Unconditional Love!

I had an awakening. I started studying the works of Thich Nhat Hanh. Then I couldn't get enough! I couldn't stop learning, reading, understanding how the Universe works! I took a job in Miami with a metaphysical store and began classwork on the different methods of meditation and focusing on the Collective Consciousness. I also read amazing works from great teachers that changed my life (Dr. John DeMartini, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Carolyn Myss and the masters the Dalai Lama, Yogananda and Kahlil Gilbran, all changed my thinking!). I learned quickly about manifestation and focusing one's vibration, changing one's energy in order to attract greater outcomes on one's path. And it began to work! I was shown how to run a youth program for Indigo children. I was given the plans for structuring a society that is self-sustaining in Unconditional Love. And this was just the beginning!

After the death of my ex-boyfriend in 2011, I realized that there is a definite chasm between Conditional and Unconditional love. I felt the pain of loss but the relief of freedom. I will always love him because I AM made from love. But in the end taking his own life showed me he could never love me back in the same way. Shortly after his death, I also found myself in a similar relationship for another year before discovering that my love could be tested once more! And that is when I realized that I could only love Unconditionally and would always do so...I have nothing but love for those that have been Soul Mates to me in this life! He left angry and bitter, but that is because his love for me was starkly Conditional--in fact so obviously so that it was the most difficult to leave. He was so lost, I felt so much love and compassion for him, especially after his mother's death last year. But this too showed me how incapable the World can be to Unconditional Love! He has taken a stance of anger and remorse, denial and hatred instead of Unconditional Love. BUT remember that time after my divorce that I felt so much betrayal? This is where he is, and you know what? I don't blame him--in fact, I embrace him and feel for his loss and pain, which makes me all the more grateful for being able to Unconditionally Love him and his family! Not everyone understands my love for the world, but it doesn't mean I don't love them. I always will love Unconditionally now that I see from a different lens.

So this leads to my next story, which will be how I opened up to Unconditional Love and how I find it to engage me in processing through ALL the pain, from this lifetime and way back into many others, and transform it into pure energy through connection with the Divine. As my engineering daughter Virginia would say: Unconditional Love = Connection with the Source of All Energy! Or as I have read in the very Bible subscribed by the faith to once I subscribed: "Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs." (Proverbs 10:12). Quoting from Kalhil Gilbran from his work, The Prophet, Love is truly an experience:

"Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips."

Therefore, I have embraced and found my Center in Unconditional Love. This cannot be taken from me, nor can it be reversed. Suddenly we find ourselves passing a threshold...there comes a point when the practice of Unconditional Love covers all and we look at all of humanity through the lens of Pure Love. So suddenly this too is what I am attracting in my life. I am excited to share it with all of you!

What is Irrational in the Mind of One is Completely Sane in Another (Part 2)

In my last blog, I created VERY emotionally-based examples from my own experiences that demonstrated charged neurological pathways that imprinted both PAIN and PLEASURE memories in my own brain (and those of my children in their own way). Just for a change of pace from my usual emotional/psychological writings, I am gathering statistical, sociologically-neutral information to show the importance of how memories are gathered on a global scale. I WILL be honoring my promise to help each person reading this blog on a personal scale by showing HOW to get to a point of creating a new system to rethink old memories based on what we have learned on both a macro and micro scale that will bring our world into a realistic perspective and still allow individual subjectivity to understand why we go through the experiences we do. Are you still with me? If this doesn't quite make sense by the end of the blog, then contact me personally and we can go through the experiences you have had and work on them on an individual basis.

[**By now, I hope all of you realize that my vision in my writing and in my holistic discovery is to share as much information as possible to as many as I can and not create a system of monetary wealth from my information--as I am going back to school to become a holistic-naturopathic practitioner, the end goal is to create the communities necessary to provide these healing modalities to EVERYONE, regardless of financial situation!**]

Connecting Our Global Thoughts

According to the research I have gathered from many different websites and medical journals, the human brain has anywhere between 100 and 160 Billions neuron pathways. That is a lot of learning material and places for memories and emotions to hide. And it is widely believed and estimated that we use only 10% of our brain, even though it is wired to use 100%. We use approximately 10-16 Billion neuropathways per person on average, therefore up to 150 Billion pathways are left unused.

On this planet, according to the latest 2012 census reports and population websites, we have between 6.875 and 7 Billion people in the world and it continues to grow exponentially every day. The birth rate is over double the death rate. 13.3 Million people die of heart disease each year, while 2.4 Million die of AIDS (last year's census). 5.8 Million die of cancer and 2.9 million die of respiratory illnesses. 50% of the world population lives at the poverty level at $2.50 a DAY. 80% live on less than $10 per day, even in the United States. And with 1 Billion children living in poverty and very little access to education, what is the point of having 160 Billion neurological pathways per child? If the survival part of the brain is the only one in use the majority of the time, we do not have an adequately tapped population regardless of size!

So, according to these statistics (and yes, these are based on scientific generalizations and patterns of human sociology and biology), we can guestimate that there are anywhere from [6.875 x 10 to the 19th power (10 quintillion)] neuron pathways to [1.12 x 10 to the 20th power (100 quintillion)] neuron pathways being used globally by humans EVERY DAY. Without calculating the amount of brain loss and not even attempting to estimate the average thought processes of humanity, these brain waves that are interconnected by everyone on our planet are sending messages inward throughout each body and outwardly connecting every other body that affects the energetic and sociological outcome mapping of behaviors throughout the world.

If therefore we use the median statistic of 905 Quintillion neuropathways (the average number of cells used per brain and average number of living humans on the planet), then we can safely say that all it takes is ONE act of national interest, broadcast to the majority of people within the United States (314 Million people approximately alive as of this blog) to emotionally affect the entire nation and push over the dominoes of emotion that subsequently affect humanity internationally to rewire the thoughts of all 7 Billion in a major way within a week's time, even if it is only using 1 pathway per person per day to change a thought about our global condition. Because we are so strongly, emotionally connected by being in the human body--energy made up of impulses that are conscious and subconscious to run all the body and mind functions--we can surely affect those around us just by where we consistently focus our thoughts.

A great example of an emotional event going global is a major news story like the Egyptian protests on April 20th, 2012 in Tahrir Square that began its global protest on social media sites like Facebook. The gathering brought tens of thousands of Egyptians together to protest the unfair disqualification of candidates in the elections for President. By April 28th, the protests led to one death and 30 wounded, and 90 more wounded during the night before the morning of the 29th. The significance was that it was actually covered internationally and was broadcast in every major country of the world due to its unusual popularity and methodology of gathering. The riots over governmental rule have been happening on and off for many years, most notably after elections in 2011, but they have become a forefront to the Muslim nations because of their use of the internet to gain attendance at the protests as well as their plea to an international audience. Egypt has long held peace treaties with the U.S. and with Israel, both of whom have supported Egyptian governmental changeovers. But as a group, the Egyptians have become very emotionally charged and the riots are becoming a massive expression of their plight (protesting began January 17, 2011 according to The Huffington Post article, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/22/egypt-protest-timeline_n_1107476.html#s486979&title=January_17_2011).

Many other countries have experienced similar protests, but they were not as visible as the Egyptian protests seemed to have become. The exception is the September 11-16, 2012 riots internationally by Muslim protesters who rallied against an anti-Muslim film released in Hollywood. The protests, preplanned in 20 muslim countries, were fueled by an emotional outpouring against the U.S. and created a scene of violence that ended in 3 deaths at the U.S. Embassy in Tunis.

Again, billions of homes had access to the news. The same could be said of the debate for President of the United States recently aired internationally here in Denver, Colorado. I had met several members of the International Press who attended the debate. In spite of its uneventful outcome, because it is one of the most watched elections of the world. According to the Nielsen rating system, in the U.S. alone, there were 67.2 million viewers on 11 networks in our country alone.

Special internationally-recognized events and news-worthy stories have traveled globally in a matter of hours, like the plane crashes on 9/11, the international coverage of the World Olympics, and the death of Princess Diana of Wales. We have access to news 24/7 by cable, television, internet and newsprint. But the greatest source of news travel is by word of mouth. Yes, there are remote regions that do not cover such events but it doesn't mean that they cannot be accessed at any point throughout the world. It is an amazing accomplishment that humanity has a global network of communication that is so varied and sophisticated that it can be shared within a day's time anywhere!

Our Own Personal Memories Attached to Global Events

Going back to the INDIVIDUAL MIND, every human has the CHOICE which messages are allowed to enter the brain or not. In spite of the surrounding environment, we choose to connect globally or not to connect. This is where our values, our interests and our filters kick in. When you think about the above events, what emotions do YOU personally attach to them? Or do you even care?

Here are some of the thoughts I had about events and MY personal memories attached. I want you to think about these and what YOU think about when you remember them:

1. The Egyptian protests in 2011-2012: I remember hearing briefly about the protests online from several news sources. My emotional attachment to the protests only came in the form of a fascination surrounding the media presence of the the individuals who posted their gatherings on Facebook (especially with the arrests of protesters in February 2011). I found it fascinating that the story went international because of its social media appeal. I personally have been in several major protests, so the attachment to that kind of memory is charged with an attachment to see justice and the truth of a situation come to light.

2. The death of Princess Diana: I remember when the Princess died. It was very emotionally charged for me because it was also the same week that Mother Theresa died. That was why I was so saddened by the deaths of two humanitarians in the same week. I was living on Saint Simons Island in Georgia. I had a newborn baby (Jacqui) and two toddlers. And I was emotionally charged due to post-partum depression anyway. Thus, I was a basket-case over the news. I remember Princess Diana fondly and related well to her depression over dealing with her husband's family. At the time, I was going through a similar experience (of being ignored and my feelings discounted) and thus it was a PAINFUL memory that was truly based in my sadness for her children.

3. The 9/11/01 Events: I arrived at work the morning of 9/11/01 to find out about the plane crashes. Denial and shock turned into anger and sadness over the hundreds of lives lost in New York City that day. Immediately, I began to call my family to find out if my relatives in New York were still alive and okay. My memory of the event is attached to my job (I had a PLEASURABLE experience with the position at the Boulder Valley School District), who was with me at the time (I was living with my daughter Ginny and was in my own apartment), and the fact that it was such a tragic event has imprinted a sympathetic sadness for the families that were involved (not technically a PAINFUL memory per se, just the PAIN associated with all those losses and our inability to have stopped the incident). I personally was NOT there, nor did I lose anyone close, but I can relate to those that did.

As far as an emotional attachment to the Presidential debate, I don't have one. I believe either candidate, no matter what happens, will be faced with the ever-sinking ship of debt we incurred during the Bush administration over a war I felt was causing us to recklessly spend money on an ideology I never truly believed in in the first place. And the fact that we are still trying to rule the oil supplies of the world to keep monies in the pockets of the rich, while I watch my friends suffer from poverty, homelessness, drug addictions and depression, makes me really not like politics nor care much for those that care for nothing but getting rich off the masses....enough said....

Reassigning Our Personal Memories of PAIN and PLEASURE

Obviously, in our surroundings daily, we encounter those who think of anything from depression to imminent death and grief over a death to violence and suicide. We are going to encounter these people no matter where we go, whether in traffic or on a public transit or in a building or even walking down the street. We may be unaware of those who think this way, but I guarantee everyone reading this has encountered at least one desperate thinker this week.

On the flip side, you will also encounter at least ONE person who is loving and attached to a loving vision of the Universe in some way. The thoughts floating in a person who is in love with their God, their spouse or partner, their child, their friends, their life, will also affect us in some way by an encounter. The idea is are we consciously or unconsciously aware of our own thoughts and can we utilize them daily to have these moments of love and gratefulness that will influence others around us and in what way?

So this leads me to vibrations and awareness. Let's go through a typical day for you. What do you feel is your strongest emotion when you wake up? Do you dread going to work? Are you excited to spend time with your spouse? What do you feel you have to accomplish during the day? Do you feel overwhelmed by your responsibilities with your children? Do you have people you encounter that drive you crazy? Where does your mind go during the day?

So what happens to your mind when a major event comes across your plate? Are you drowning in daily drama? Do you find your passion for life is waning or is in full force? And when a major trauma has happened, whether it be a personal death you have experienced or an attachment to a traumatic event, what happens to your thought process? I bet nobody really ever asked you what YOU thought personally about a tragedy, or if they did, is it someone like a psychiatrist whom you have to pay? Who has asked you truly what you think and feel?

Now, going back to examples from this and those examples from your own life, let's make one of my proverbial lists. I believe often when we go back and analyze our existence, it often feels like a great accomplishment when we can check off a "to do" list. In this example, we are going to accomplish a list of memories to reexamine and retrain our brain to look at each memory from a holistic perspective.

Reorganizing Memories: Finding a Yin to Each Yang

Now that we have covered a basic understanding of the amazing enormous network of neuropathways within each person and connecting all of humanity, we have a greater understanding how one event, one thought, one act of creation or destruction can affect an entire bulk of humanity if given the right communication forum and attention. You can just imagine what might happen if we were to spread the word to change humanity into creating a higher minded purpose. What if one of YOUR thoughts and your intentions were to become a famous quote or the idea behind a blockbuster film or the catalyst for peace in a foreign country? What if we could collectively overcome the corruption of the elite financial few by just educating the right people that will come up with a way to actually implement a solution to world hunger? What if you are raising the next Nobel Peace Prize winner and it is up to you to point them in the right direction?

What is the irrational part of emotions with what you can or cannot relate? If you have a child or a friend has a child, when you see them cry, what do you think? Does it occur to you that once you were like that child? Or do you completely reject their emotion in some way (an outburst, a crying fit, etc.) and can't understand their change of temperament? Or when you see someone on the street, in a store, at the mall, in traffic, that is throwing a major fit, what is your initial thought of that person?

You see, the important element in memory and emotion is YOUR interpretation of that thought!!! It's the key. In my writings several years ago, I created a forum in which you can use gratitude as the key to unlocking potential. It is the same with the brain function of thought: if you see every experience as a learning one, whether you label it a good or bad memory, you can become whole in your life by allowing yourself to find the gratitude in even the toughest experiences! I know, it seems counterintuitive, but holding onto PAIN is actually the detriment of the self. I will go into this more in the next blog. Enjoy your week and I look forward to hearing from everyone who wants to share with me about your own experiences in these practices.

Let's further investigate these thoughts in my next writing.

What is Irrational in the Mind of One is Completely Sane in Another (Part I)

I have been facing some VERY strange life path issues today and within the last week. After having an amazing channeling session with my friend Joshua Magee (http://yournotthat.com/) about what to do with our lives once we acquire all this wonderful knowledge about the Spiritual development and workings within the Universe. I have been blessed by the answers, which include the fact that I AM always swimming in the right direction because the Universe will change us according to our will and our final destinations. We are designed to learn lessons in this lifetime (or recall those that may have been from other lifetimes) to teach us something, whether they be considered pleasurable or painful lessons (after all, our human selves react to ALL situations based on PAIN or PLEASURE). We create a thought form that becomes a belief based on our reaction. Our reactions, of course, are partially spiritually and partially genetically designed to determine our outcome responses.

For instance, a child goes to school and realized she is smarter than everyone else in her class. (Sorry, daughter of mine, I AM using you as an example). Her mother has spent a great amount of time educating her to read and to be aware of her Universe long before she even turns four. So her experiences within her realm of reality are based on 1. her knowledge base that was passed along to her by her mother and 2. the fact that she is already genetically pre-disposed to intelligence since both her parents were scholars. Now, within her framework, this child has a choice to use this knowledge and intelligence to baffle her teachers, to hold her superiority over her classmates, or to become lazy in school.

All these are normal responses for children to experience, especially in the realm of American school dynamics and the sociological upbringings these dynamics have manifested throughout the years. HOWEVER, my child responded to these "gifts" (knowledge, wisdom and information) with humility and often with questioning and wonder at the Universe, rather than with pride and superiority. So I am SUPER proud to say that this child grew up to be an amazing brilliant, responsible AND humble young woman who truly understands her gifts are also that and her Universe is created through her gratefulness. SO she took her spiritual self (higher self) into consideration and has been blessed because of these decisions. She created a world of positive feedback, which activates the PLEASURE center of her brain, to feed her desire to succeed in both her educational and her relational life.

I have several friends with children with disabilities. They are amazing parents! I don't know that ALL parents with children with disabilities are amazing, but my friends are. A couple of examples in particular have stuck with me. We had a young boy in our neighborhood growing up with cerebral palsy. He was a great friend to all and loved immensely among the kids. I watched how his mother, who had 2 sons much older and born "normal", was such a patient and loving and calm woman. I was so grateful and will always be grateful for her in my neighborhood because she was the mom-figure I aspired to be like the most. Her son turned out to be a great young man, who not only graduated with his high school class, but finished college. Her patience and beauty were memories that always gave me the feelings of PLEASURE. I used to babysit often for this young man when I was a teenager because I loved being around him and their family.

The other woman I am thinking of as an example is a childhood friend who still lives in our home town. She is also an amazing woman. In her case, she overcame a lot of family adversity and skewed belief systems that allowed her own mother to treat her very poorly as a child and treat her sister like she could not do anything wrong (both family patterning examples are irrational, but they seem to be ingrained beliefs that are deeply rooted). Black and white thinking is very abusive and also very common. In my friend's case, she has one son who was born with Autism. And I have never seen a more lovely example of a mother! She is such a wonderful, patient, loving woman who is raising her son to be so happy and brilliant. Her amazing tenacity and steadfast unconditional love shine through when she talks about her son. I watched her interact with him and it was apparent he is the luckiest boy on the planet to have a mother like her. He can integrate his PLEASURE feelings with those of memories with his mother.

If a child grows up with an abusive parent, in a controlling scenario, or is repeatedly rejected based on the family's "treatment" of him or her, that child may have completely different responses or reject their family altogether, depending upon the influences in his or her life. In my life, my father was and is a wonderful man. However, during my childhood, he wasn't around much. He had the responsibility, chosen or imposed, to care for many children financially (I am the oldest). My mother, on the other hand, was very Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. One day she was amazing, supportive, loving, and created a world of possibilities and experiences for us. The next, she would be upset by something and would freak out on everyone around her and impose her displeasure those closest to her, mainly her children, and principally me as the oldest.

I was NOT a quiet child. I would fight back. So by the time my father would come home, it was just a matter of time before whatever really bothered her in the first place was stuffed and not dealt with because the most pressing issue would then become her imposition of her feelings on me and my blatant disrespect for not allowing her to rant and scream without fighting back (like my poor sister often did). My brother always tried to "logically reason" with her (he is great in that way), but often she would still fly off the handle and all the logic in the world did nothing to console her aggressive and often violent outbursts. But it was only consistent in the fact that we knew, eventually every week at some point, she would lose control and we would have to emotionally be prepared for a verbal lashing.

I was not a perfect parent, especially given these examples that were definitely and deeply ingrained in my psyche. Of course, they were obviously ingrained in my mother's psyche as well, and her father, and so forth and so on... I spent the first few years of parenthood absolutely doting all over my children and couldn't be apart from them for 2 minutes. I was a "supermom" type, but I was extremely unhappy without the balance of my own self-worth and career. I became a "martyr"--home raising children because my husband told me I was not "allowed" to return to school, which imprinted a very negative and PAINFUL bitterness that festered for years. I found myself in the same stale marital situation as my parents, and my kids' father was never around and he was truly never there for me emotionally because he was too busy appeasing his parents and put his work over his family. In the long run, the ideal marriage that was suppose to be a lifetime commitment was undermined by his inappropriate action to make all our marital decisions with his father's control and his mother's passive insistence. But that is not the point of this reflection today. Our marriage did fall apart and I left him because I had had enough being ignored and disrespected and dishonored. And it is totally okay not to put up with verbal and emotional abuse.

But in the course of life events after I went to college and before I actually left my lifeless marriage ten years later, there was a time I could feel myself slipping into the role and becoming the very mother figure with whom I was raised (miserable about my failing marriage, lonely, sad, and several times I lost my temper--yet I always curbed it and ALWAYS apologized to my children, which changes the story drastically). This subtle transformation into negativity was a shock and a horror to me! I never ever in a million years wanted to pass that to my children! So I left the man who was imposing these beliefs on me (male superiority, male and religious privilege, financial superiority, and emotional berating), and I chose to be a single mother. As stated in previous chapter, that didn't turn out well, because there were so many moments I was lonely and would not allow myself to be alone, which led to several bad relationships and several plans to escape. The PAIN center of my life was becoming difficult to manage, so I would run from it, but it always appeared in a new and different form because it was one of my life path lessons.

So the PAIN of the marital situation, which mimicked the PAIN Of the parental situation (I married a version of my mother), led me to pull my proverbial hand away from the stove and I chose to leave. Since then, their reactions (both of them) have responded to me out of jealousy, hatred, vengeance and my mother tried everything to ruin my relationship with my children. Once again, one person's skewed view of life being "unfair" and that because they were not given a break gives one false liberty to hurt others or martyr themselves. Classic Greek Tragedy stories. Which I maintain to this day were and are also genetically linked behaviors in humanity. Betrayal, however, is in my judgment and in MY belief system, the most unforgivable crime. Though this is truly not a reality (everything is an illusion), it is only an attachment that remains from my feelings attached to the divorce, my mother siding with my ex-husband, my youngest sister's betrayal by lying in court to give him custody (and having a relationship with him, also out of vengeance) and my ex-father-in-law still imposing his control by imprinting his male superiority onto his son and maintaining that belief system to this day. It has, however, caused my children and I GREAT PAIN and so we all have reacted differently to it according to our mind's pain reaction to the situation. I continue to write and fight for the just outcome to be done, but my three children are just trying to forget it had ever happened and run from the PAIN, rather than face it.

So we have covered that successes and positive feedback lead to PLEASURE responses and negative and dishonoring feedback lead to PAIN responses. We call the latter in psychology fight or flight. Obviously my most painful examples are used as thus because I am going through this major transformation with them as they are deeply embedded into my PAIN centers of my brain. in my discovery, I have established a median line: all experiences cause both PAIN and PLEASURE. For example, one event that brings a PLEASURE response, like meeting a love interest for the first time, may be the cause of PAIN for that partner's ex. The love interest (in my case, several of them) then finds himself wandering off or getting back together with the ex, both to avoid PAIN and instigate PLEASURE. And thus that first memory of the meeting of that person can no longer be thought of as exclusively a pleasurable experience.

Thus this leads me to my most current situations. I have found that a series of enjoyable events, mainly in traveling across the country with my partner, are not as enjoyable in my memory as they once were. We have torn apart the trip and both assigned negative consequences to everything pleasurable about the trip. It was an amazing learning experience and I definitely felt at the time I was swimming in the right direction. However, now that there are negative memories attached to each of those experiences, I have to reevaluate what is PLEASURE to my memory is not necessarily that to my partner, nor the other way around. But once again, the reality is that what I believe to be a great memory may not be what another would find as great. As we are analyzing our successes and failure over the last year, I have come to discover I find that most of our PAIN-based experiences were our greatest learning lessons, but our minds cannot fathom letting the PAIN out of our consciousness in order to let the experience go.

For example, when we were in Florida this past Spring, we made a 2 week detour to Orlando. We found that hotels in Kissimmee were by the national average the least expensive hotel rates per week of any hotel in the country. So we checked into a weekly hotel and had a few extra days intermittently while we were there at other places. We had made a little money while acting in New Orleans and between that and a tax return, we were able to get a 4-day pass to Universal Studios. That adventure, by far, was my favorite part of our trip and to this day the memories attached to the theme park and how we are both avid movie fans (thus why we own a production company) gave us childlike joy when experiencing the adventures we did. We rode The Hulk ride and saw The Blues Brothers Show and experienced Harry Potter's Hogworts Kingdom and laughed hysterically at the Simpsons ride...and the tribute to Lucille Ball and the Tower of Doom and the Jurassic Park ride...okay, I could go on. But it was in the 4 days that I felt the closest to James and felt that overwhelming PLEASURE of our closeness and our happy memories.

But in a most recent argument, as all couples do, we are stressing over money and our trip to Orlando came up. He is still angry at the amount of money it cost to be there and take that trip. That was a surprise because I thought it was such a magical time together, and it really hurt me. I was saddened by the response. Since then we have begun to talk through why it is SO important to create these memories that are positive. As I pressured him into staying the extra time, I have to apologize for my part in making the memories attached more PAINFUL than PLEASURABLE. In the apology, he has two ways to respond: accept it for an error in judgment and let it go, or hold onto the regret and not allow it to heal as a memory that carries both LOVE and FEAR (the pain of losing money).

This goes back to my example of parenting. If we make a mistake as a parent, we cannot expect our children to forgive us! But we can expect them to have a different memory attached to a bad parenting experience IF we choose to say we are sorry for what we have done. This is truly the only way to change a "bad" memory into a "good" one. This actually has a similar resonance that vibrates with emotions. We can either vibrate in Love or in Fear. I have covered this in many of my past writings. However this vibration, this memory, this attached emotion can only be totally resolved if there is a consistent change in parenting as well, such as in this example. Any experience that leads one to have to repeatedly say "I'm sorry" but never really mean it or resolve it, will then have to continue to get the same responses from the injured parties of such decisions.

So we can only lead by example. We can create great memories for ourselves, our children, and those around us. We have the choice to deal with all life experiences and attach emotions to those experiences. However, as I will further in the second half of my resolution, I will show that it is in the process of transforming all of these memories and thoughts into learning moments by NOT attaching a label to the experience (as I learned in our talk on Saturday with Joshua and his friends) that we are truly free then to vibrate only in accordance to our TRUE NATURE, or higher self, and only allow experiences that resurface to do so in order to process them, not to use them to fuel an emotional flame from days past. This process is not easy and I would LOVE to walk everyone through it in my next writing.

The Smoldering Fire of Relationship Anger—Dealing with Depression, Sadness and Fear

The Battle Scars of Soul Contracts

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

My scales are shedding. I can fly high and far now. I can see the sadness and destruction among the trees and the barren lands that once were a beautiful deep forest. I connect with the species of the Earth that are now being eliminated by selfish and profit-hungry humans. I see the faces of the children in Africa and the Middle East, Asia and even in North America who are huddling in makeshift shelters and crying for lack of food. I cannot feed or care for them all. It is not within my power. It pains me and my heart sends me back to my cave to gather strength for my next flight.

As I return to my own shelter, both physically and in my mind, I am attacked by those around me! In spite of my strength, I am not strong enough to protect myself from their blows, especially their words or their actions. As I matured in my youth, I often returned from these trips of understanding to find those around me so blind to their own behaviors. I respond to their fire and claws with my own defenses, baring my teeth, screaming and returning the fire. Then I retreat to the cavern to mourn the encounter. I have spent years in my reflective, “Hermit” times collecting these memories and analyzing them for what they are: my attackers are reflections of my own Ego. Thus I must retreat and go deep within the cave and find out what I can do about my own kind.

Hurt attracts hurt. Anger fuels anger. I attracted selfishness, depression, sadness, guilt, shame, blame and fear. These are the fires I battle, the lessons I challenge. I honor my faults as a part of my scars and growing pains. I have endured many swords and arrows, licked my wounds, hid deep within the mountain, and recovered. But I will always be grateful that I can go back into these memories and see them as Soul Contracts with those I attracted. Truly, I have found that my deepest wounds, those times when I was injured the most and the cuts run deepest, were the claw marks and tears from those that I loved the most.

You may be surprised to find out that we all have Soul Contracts. If you haven’t heard of them, we can spend some quality time addressing yours if you wish. But I believe after reading this section, you will be able to recognize yours and start to heal them when you are ready. It is in our relationship contracts during this lifetime that we learn our lessons and grow into the beings we are supposed to be.

Simply put, Soul Contracts are the Soul Mate relationships that have significant meaning in our lives here on the planet, including our parents, our children and our closest loved ones, including friends, significant dating relationships and/or spouses. If you believe as I do that we are Spiritual beings here having a Physical experience on this planet, you will agree no matter what flavor of belief you adopt, we meet the ones we are closest to for a significant reason. We are here to learn and grow. We are here to fly and dive and swim and play and laugh. We are here to mourn and hurt and suffer as well. This is why we are human!

Many believe we choose our parents before we are born. This I understand to be a most important Contract because they are the most influential members of our lives early on, whether as a positive example for adulthood or as a significant challenge to outgrow and learn what not to do any longer. Regardless if you believe we were connected with any of our Soul Mates before this lifetime or not, we know that environmentally, our families play a major role in our development in all aspects of life. Most often, our parent, sibling and additional familial relationships influence our choices whether we are education-oriented, whether we pursue careers or are complacent in a workplace job, and where we worship our Creator or if we choose to believe in one at all.

Once we are in our Sacred Initiation, our choices for friends, our mentors and teachers, and our activities and goals are influenced by additional, long-term Soul Mates. Often, we make our life plans based on our peers, our dating relationships and how we choose to leave the proverbial nest. We often choose formative Soul Mates in our post-high-school years as well, both as potential long-term partners and long-term friends. I have seen a pattern sociologically that the majority of adults stay in touch with their very closest friends in high school and college specifically and then they choose to loosely connect with acquaintances from other life encounters as needed or in social situations (e.g. coworkers, community members, etc.) I am more social than almost anyone I know, so thus I have hundreds of friends and acquaintances. In fact, on my social network sites, I actually know the majority of the people that I am “friends” with on those sites, other than the business acquaintances I keep on the business-related ones. I believe it is important to maintain healthy and long-term friendships.

Our deepest Soul Mate relationships are in our private, romantic connections with significant partners, spouses and lovers. The influences they have within our psychic sphere are strongest because, just like our parents, there is a strong emotional attachment to these relationships. With the exception of those who are unable to attach emotionally (whether because of a mental disability or a social phobic disorder), the majority of us crave to be in a community. The basic need to be met in our Soul Mate relationships is the need to love and be loved. We are not meant to be alone, but everyone’s idea of a partner relationship differs by sex and gender, gender preference, belief system, environmental upbringing and connectivity level.

I definitely don’t mean to come across so academic when I write about what I actually have a lot of passion discovering and teaching myself. I am truly reflective and grateful for all my Soul Mate relationships, even the most difficult. And I have learned to be who I am because of each and every one of them. Again, the Dragon self must see his or her reflection in others and actually understand or be aware of that reflection in order to learn from the experiences. I can see parts of myself in every dating partner and marriage relationship I have had—both positive and negative traits. This is so important for me to be able to relate all my experiences in my coaching, training and student development as well. But this also has given me a humble perspective on my own behavior and how to set strong boundaries with others in order to respect and love myself as the Creation of the Universe that I am. I may have reflections, but I am my own being. All of us are unique. It is the beauty of the dance of humanity.

Relationships—the Catalyst for Pain and Drama

A majority of my psychological and sociological studies have involved the ideas of archetypes. This is both a Jungian-based academic concept and a sociologically patterned Spiritual concept to me. Archetypal studies and understanding these patterns gives me the basis in which I can become a character/persona of depth and meaning. Archetypes, simply put, are behaviors that are categorized and build a specific personality type. Every human role is an Archetype, from the Hero to the Magician to the Bully and to the Slave. To become a great actress, one must be prepared for a life of tragedy and sadness. This is somewhat a prerequisite to become the best of the best in both storytelling and in performance. How can one become a true lover, a mother, or a divorcee if one hasn’t been through those archetypes as I have? My life has been given the mosaic path of constant pain and drama of these Soul Mate partnerships to teach me my soul’s strength and life’s passion. I can’t have the perspective of gratefulness without the horrors of remorse and regret. With all my extreme experiences, I am just so glad I survived!

I wasn’t always a psychologically-aware individual. And even now, I can’t say my relationships have shown that I am actually a “healthy” woman or not. You see, most of my attractions and Soul Mate relationships have been tragic, destructive and explosive in some way, leaving the debris of broken dreams and severed family connections, either with my partner’s family or within my own. Add a healthy dose of “dysfunctional,” alcoholic-style behaviors on both sides of my family and the likelihood of a successful partnership was just sabotaged greatly by the attractions of others with similar family backgrounds. I heard once from a counseling friend that we can be in a room with 100 potential partners and we always attract the one unhealthy attraction over the potential 99 other more healthy relationship choices. It took dozens of these unhealthy relationships to finally see and break the attraction patterns. Starting early on, I allowed myself to become derailed from my original passions but it ultimately led me to where I am today.

Instead of reflecting deeply upon the hurt from each relationship, I can tell you that I have experienced many facets of these challenges. I will expound only upon the most challenging of all the Soul Mate relationships in my life. In 1999, I lost my children in a terrible and destructive custody battle that left the three of them and my Soul scarred for life. I fought back and regained my rights as a parent after two years of preparing for the battle, experiencing great rage and an insatiable driving force to protect my children from the same destructive belief system that was imposed upon me during the marriage. My kids’ father never knew how to love anyone but himself. This was not completely his fault, as he was raised to be narcissistic, yet it carried over into our family. I was content not to be in a relationship, desiring greatly to be a doctor. Yet the day we met, I knew he was the father of my children. Thus we were meant to meet as the Soul Parents of the three wonderful beings I call my Angels.

Unfortunately, this Soul Mate relationship ended worse than you can imagine. Those individuals, such as my ex and his family, who can never admit they are wrong and find that in order to support their own ideologies, they must find someone to hate and blame. I have even recently known of this continued anger and abuse by this family because they systematically and illegally kept my two younger children from having any contact with me. My ex-in-laws are the principle offenders, perpetuating a cycle of fear and hatred they started in order to control those around them. And they do it in the name of their god Jesus. But this too is a Contract I have faced. Unlike them, I am saddened by their inability to break free from the pattern and I am even more saddened that it has now poisoned my own children. Yet truth be told, we all have the ability to break free from these scenarios, often at a great price. I will explain further in another chapter, but those scars they inflicted upon me and my family run very deep. I am truly and humbly grateful for my own path, which allowed me freedom from such fear-based ideology and from the pride that comes from being stuck in such a terrible and infective dogma.

I also dealt with physical and emotional abuse from a partner who was bi-polar shortly after the divorce. I attracted this partner because of my self-loathing after such a traumatic event. With all the lies that the family aforementioned spread about me, I truly degraded myself and my worth. Now I realize it was a symptom to a greater problem and I am free from the degradation. Between the allowance of this relationship and the one with the kids’ father, I am amazed I am not vengeful or bitter. I am grateful for being able to let go what is not my battle. I lost my path and my way home during those times because of anger’s stronghold on my drive to fight for a better life and to battle abuse and control. I have experienced numbness and great loss. I have a deep and unending love for my children that will never die. And in spite of my true closeness to my oldest daughter who lives near me, my other two children are not allowed to know of this unconditional love I have for them and always had. And at the time, I was truly not able to express these emotions to them because I was so caught up in the sadness of the situation. Once the abusive and controlling relationships were broken, however, I was able to find new paths and new happiness.

I have been truly in love. I believe out of all the Soul Mate relationships I can honestly say that it happened only three times so far, and because of the controlling nature of the aforementioned Soul Mate relationships, I didn’t truly love either of them. Infatuation is not love. Placing one’s self in a position above or below another person is infatuation. True Love between Soul Mates is that connection from the Higher Self that leads two Soul Mates to connect on a Spiritual and Equal Level. I mean the kind of love that binds you and holds you together in a permanent connection with the other person. Soul Contracts are not all truly loving ones, but those that give us True Love are meant to change us as well.

I truly fell in love for the first time when I returned to Colorado from a year in Spain. I was in a short-lived relationship and ended up at a resort area. I met this love when we worked together at a hotel. We lived together almost right away, and it was always loving and generous and mutual, for almost two years. When it ended, it took years of sadness and remorse because he was unable to break free from his first Soul Mate contract with his children’s mother—I thought we would be married, but he was not allowed to make that commitment to me. I felt as if I lost my best friend. I had to let him go and it was one of the hardest experiences I have ever encountered, especially because it came suddenly. To this day, I still hear from him occasionally. I became a better person because of him. And he was the one that healed my heart from all the pain of the divorce and the separation I felt away from my children. To him, I will always be grateful.

The second of my deepest Soul Contracts was the tragic suicide of my partner (aforementioned in other chapters), bound together like Heathcliffe to Catherine, and tragically he was unable to let me go. I truly felt there was a Soul Connection, even though he was dishonest, unfaithful the entire relationship by committing to many other women, and he had no true love for anyone left when he took his own life. It started as an infatuation on both of our parts, and once he was on a spiral of self-destruction and gave up all the other women, I finally felt true love for him for the first time. But in spite of my deep love, my role was as a Rescuer and his was as a Saboteur, the destroyer of both my life and his. However, this was the Contract that broke the Pattern of unhealthy, controlling relationships. Once I realized he was not meant for me, I could actually see who he truly was as a human being and I felt all the love of the Universe for him. That being said, I truly understand the loss of someone close to such a tragedy and can be there for others who are and have gone through the same. And I am more than relieved that any of my own self-deprecation Archetypes (Victim, Martyr, or Damsel) had all been confronted and I broke through those patterns as well.

Then a strange occurrence happened last year at this time. I had spent years asking the Universe for a Soul Mate that was kind, that would share complimentary interests, and genuine. The day after I discovered my ex had taken his life, I went away for a weekend and met the man I truly can now say with whom I am on the right path. I desire this relationship to be a deep and long-term love. We are not perfect. I have had a fantasy idea of what I wanted and realized I actually have everything I truly need right now with him. We have been travelling extensively and now that we are settled for a short time, we can spend the time together to find out if this love will be true and genuine. I truly feel in my heart that I was finally given the opportunity to find that Soul Mate relationship with whom I can connect to the Divine. Finally, after years of attracting control to my independence, I am finding a balance and a calm and loving partner with whom I can see myself and I am so grateful.

Soul Mates, Stereotypes and the Impact of Change

Soul Mates are the reflection or complement to these Archetype selves in the Mirror of another Soul. As I have alluded to above, if we are a Victim, they are either a Bully or a Manipulator or something we attract so we remain a Victim until we are ready to change. But if we are a Shaman or a Healer, we attract a Student, a Seeker, or on the opposite side, an Addict or a Martyr. The Liberator attracts the Slave. The Artist attracts the Muse. It all depends what we have set up for ourselves in our own world. Many believe we set these Soul Contracts before we are born—thus we choose our relatives, our mates, our challenges, our teachers and our children. In my studies and my meditations and channeling, I have found that these ideas resonate with me, but they may not with everyone. It is each of our life path’s responsibility to uncover the mystery of what we believe and why. And we ask our Guides to let us know the truth.

No matter what that Truth may be to you, do not limit yourself to believe that one group has the market on such a Truth. It is in the connection of humanity itself, in the love and community and not in the separation, that you will find such a Truth. So when you look at your Soul Mates, present and past, family or partner or friend, look in the mirror and see yourself in their eyes. All humanity has the same ability to get beyond the faith of their parents and find the truths for themselves. Then that Soul Mate relationship that troubled you for so many years will actually be healed.

I have been so fortunate to have made some amazing friends and have reconnected with so many people after all these years. As I have expounded upon these changes in my life, I find it so refreshing that the karma we build early on can be the saving grace of one’s rebirth. In this lifetime, I have created many of these archetypal characters of myself. I have been given many of these Archetypes just by the connections, environment and relationships I have had. Like a diamond with many brilliant facets, these faces are all different sides of the same stone. I have experienced the Archetypes of the Curious Child, the Evangelist, the Samaritan, the Femme Fatale, the Saint, the Martyr, the Eternal Mother and the Sage all in one short lifetime. I have also been given many titles that correspond with my life’s work, including Teacher, Mother, Leader, Advocate, Actor, Visionary, Mentor, and Friend. I am truly blessed to have been through such pain, so many transitions, and yet in spite of myself, I have become the woman I was meant to be all along.

Archetypes vs. Stereotypes

Now, if you look at your own life, you may be reading these chapters and either feeling grateful that your life has been so much less eventful, or you may be mortified at my attractions or what I have been through. I have one word of advice for all readers and all friends and family: Judgment of another’s character and experiences is a limitation to one’s true understanding of one’s own Journey. Let me explain a little. You see, if we choose to create a judgment or a stereotype for someone we know, and then we label that person as being only that stereotype. But we know that all humans are much more than just one archetypal persona, so how can one be just one stereotype?

Here’s the difference: A stereotype separates us from others by lumping all characteristics into one archetypal persona. Archetypes are multi-faceted, with many positive and negative traits. A stereotype is usually a negatively connotative and shallow label that is created by a lower-minded ideology. An archetype can actually cross all stereotypes. But a stereotype limits the inclusion of most archetypes to its definition. For future reference, I can include a list of all known psychological archetypes in my appendices, but for now, just know that there are hundreds of facets to choose from regarding the archetypal patterns. Archetypes, after all, are traits common but specifically found in one individual as a part of their personality makeup. However, stereotypes are common references to a group, race, gender or living environment.

Most of you probably feel I was oversimplifying something you already know. This may be true. But these ideas are a lot more convoluted than they appear. In acting, I discovered early on that a stereotype for a role is only a blanket covering of the role. Remember, most playwrights and screenplay authors alike develop story arcs and characters that confront each other in some way. We have a Hero or Heroine who is chosen by the gods to be a leader and warrior. We then have a protagonist, an arch-nemesis if you will, whose goal is to harm or challenge the Hero in some way. Almost always there is a Sage or Wise Person who comes in to lead the Hero into a higher purpose. And it is always enjoyable to watch in a journey when the Hero encounters his or her Lover. Finally, there’s always a second level to a truly classic writing when there is a Comedian or Trickster thrown in for comic relief and to teach a lesson. The Jester or Fool is still by far my favorite character to write and to play. Each of these Archetypes can be a part of your own life and journey if you find them.

No matter how you find and recognize personas, they are there in front of us to teach us to change. We can often learn to be a stronger character by emulating those characters found in literature. However, the majority of the best writers and entertainers of our time have experienced these relationships as well. I challenge you to write down everyone you know who is in your circle or used to be. I recommend you write as many Archetypes next to their name as possible and see if you see a reflection, an Archetype you also possess, in the other person.

Now go into yourself and find out where you are hiding your depression, sadness, anger or fear. Why do you have these feelings? Are they specifically related to another person, especially to one of your Soul Mates? Do you have an anger that won’t go away and you can’t pinpoint where it is coming from? Do you suffer from depression or anxiety related illnesses? What or whom are you afraid of? Write down all of these answers as well and match your lower-minded feelings with those who caused you somehow to feel this way.

Finally, you are going to take all those traits and see them in yourself. Who saw any of these traits in you? Can you pinpoint why? Who in your life would you consider a Soul Mate? Can you actually identify the Contract you have to learn with this person? Is there a challenge or conflict associated with a Soul Mate? Are there stereotypes that caused these confrontations such as religion, race or age? And do you see every person you consider a Soul Mate to be a mirror of who you are? These exercises will help you identify where you need to grow, what you need to confront, and how you truly feel about yourself and others. If you need additional help going through this exercise, feel free to contact me or attend one of our classes about this center-based discovery.

Depression, Anxiety and Fear – Emotional Battle Scars that Stunt Our Higher Purpose

Do you have any scars? What do they look like to you? Are yours deep wounds or superficial cuts that need some TLC? Where do you want to fly next to find out if you are ready to confront or challenge your next Soul Mate? Are there any Soul Contracts you have or are in the midst of fulfilling that are painful or cause you to withdraw or retreat? Do you still have conflict with a parent or a sibling? And what do you choose to do when you are confronted with these conflicts?

I have had long fits of depression and anxiety. Anyone who has to fight for their own children does, no matter which side of the battle you are on. Those that control and abuse cannot actually become happy or find happiness because they will always be unfulfilled by the longing to control the other partner. Those that are victims of control will too never find happiness because they cannot release themselves from their victimhood long enough to be whole and complete without the oppression. I have been in the latter role several times, thus the Soul Contract pattern I had to break, first with my mother, then with my partners as described above. I too have gaping scars and sometimes painful sores that are reopened with the arrows of anger and hatred.

But depression, anxiety and fear are only mechanisms that hold one back from growth. In a recent lecture I attended from the world renowned Dr. John DeMartini, I had a revelation that led back to my first discovery of his material and those of my other mentors (both alive and long since passed). I realized that I have been right all along knowing that the past bouts of depression and anxiety were fantasies: they are nothing more than my expectation to be attached to the outcome of a situation. Yes, as a wonderful mother who lived my entire life for my children, I had my highest priority on their health and well-being, but did not have the capability and means of acting out these priorities because I was controlled and subjugated by my husband, his money and his family.

At the time, during the divorce, I attempted to take my own life. And when I awoke to realize that I was not truly the horrible person they wanted everyone to believe I had become (because I started rebelling against the inappropriate behaviors), I knew it wasn’t truly all my doing and definitely it was not all my fault. Promises were made to me during the matrimony that were not honored and most of them just flatly refused—many of them were fantasies because he was incapable of keeping these promises, such as equality and allowing me to be independent and have my own career. He was not able to live this way, but it was a lie going into the marriage that I did not foresee.

Also, I was a passionate artist, writer, actor and singer. These talents were actually neglected and I was “told” I was not to continue them. In fact, at one point right before the divorce, he turned off my phone, sold my car and cut off my computer access to the outside world. These acts are considered abusive by any belief and law. However, they are also reflections of a controlling system that wanted me to be the fantasy as well, to be “content” to be stifled and stay at home to do nothing but raise children and not let anyone else know of my anger and sadness at the failure of the marriage. To admit that one is wrong then would allow one the freedom to allow change in order to grow. I will whole heartedly admit I made a poor judgment and chose to marry the wrong partner. He was the Soul Mate father of my children, but our relationship was never meant to last under these false pretenses.

Do not be misguided by my words. If you chose to give up part of yourself in order to be content in a marriage, then you have chosen to change your priorities accordingly. My fantasy was that I had no intention of giving up my career plans or my acting and artistic passions, but was expected to do so and actually told to do so by my mother-in-law at the time, who actually controlled much of our marriage. Do not feel horrible about my history—I chose to be a Victim and a Damsel in this lifetime in order to break free from this role. I wanted nothing more than independence and was faced with the true challenge of being a Slave. It is an important part of our growth to wake up and be aware of this pattern.

You Have A Choice—Let It Go

Yet I can see that millions of people today still remain in these roles and these dogmas. I know women who convert to Christianity or Islam in order to please their idea of a God and a spouse, only to find themselves trapped in these situations. In the movie “Not Without My Daughter” the main character also faces this when she is trapped and kidnapped and taken far away from her family and to a Muslim country where she was not able to leave and return to the U.S. with her child. She eventually found a way. In my case, I had to leave the family without my children and fight to have them again, only to continue to be painted as the “bad guy” so they can justify what is still happening.

I know other women who don’t survive these scenarios. I met many of them in my lifetime. However once I met one of the strongest women I have ever known, Wendy Titelman, who lost custody to her husband who was molesting her children. To this day, she hasn’t seen her children since they were babies. And this was here in the U.S. Her case has gone to the Supreme Court, but the outcome has not been a victory. Hopefully, one day her children will too find out how much their mother sacrificed to fight for them.

I have every right to be angry. So does Wendy. So do my friends throughout the World, men and women, who have to challenge a domineering and unfair system. But the only True Freedom is that given to us when we realize we are all part of the Collective Consciousness. We all accept these battles, these scars, and these tragedies. Losing a child to drugs, alcohol or suicide cannot be any less tragic than one lost to divorce or religious oppression. Losing a parent or a spouse or a sibling to a needless accident, disease or war is horrible. Yet we all feel the pain together. How can we alter these relationships? We can’t. We can only alter the one part of us that is the factor within the relationship: Ourselves. How do we get over the depression, sadness and fear once and for all? We accept them and then no longer allow them to control our lives.

Let go of the fantasy. Let go of what should be. We know if this was a “fair” world, these tragedies and losses would not be happening to wonderful and spiritual people. But because of these atrocities, we have wonderful and spiritual people waking up and being born every day. Do your daily part instead. Stand up for someone you see hurting. Allow yourself to grieve and recover from these scars. Love your children and your spouses for who they are, and if you cannot, let them go. And if you have it in your heart to change anything in the World, change the one thing that will open you to the next level of Consciousness: Be grateful for what you have and where you have been, for all of it, because you are the beautiful Soul that was given these gifts and challenges to make you the very unique person whom you are. I am grateful for all of you, my friends and family, who have taken the time to read this and reflect upon your own lives. Do not live in fear, for you have everything right in front of you.