The Phoenix Arises - The Dragon Emerges

There is such a powerful connection to the New Year. It is a great tradition celebrated by everyone on the planet. We have such a blessing being able to see celebrations all over the planet. Fireworks spread from Sydney to Moscow to Beijing to Rio de Janeiro. The New Year brings longer days. The New Year brings love and joy and kisses and reunions and death and transformation and awakenings. Life is full of hopes and promises and sunrises, all because of the New Year.

The Phoenix arises. There is a great comfort that the Earth we live on has seasons. It is such a comfort to have snow on the ground that is filled with sleeping seeds. It is rising from the ashes of burned fall leaves fertilizing the cold earth. The chrysalis that is formed around the wounded is hardening but the soft wings of redemption and renewal are forming their bright colors. There is a reason why the hearts and minds of humanity mimic nature. We all experience transformation in order to learn. But what we choose to do with that revelation is up to us.

In the year 2013, there were so many strange events that happened and so many unusual world events. This was the warmest year globally in recorded human history. We had more tragedies and continued war in the Middle East and Syria. The U.S. Government shut down, but it is still not fixed. Another super typhoon devastation hit, this time in the Philippines. Human stem cells were finally successfully cloned. We lost Margaret Thatcher and Nelson Mandela. Pope Benedict XVI resigned. And we experienced a great tragedy with the Boston Marathon bombing. We now have drones killing people in retaliation for suicide bombings. We have extremist groups (mainly Muslim) attacking large-scale bombings and assaults, like the one at the Kenyan mall and the many bombings in Nigeria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and Dagestan. There was an 8.0 earthquake off the coast of the Solomon Islands. Lance Armstrong admitted to “doping” and lost his titles. Same-sex marriage was legalized in the U.K. Estonia is the first country to implement nationwide electric car outlets. A 2 year old girl in the U.S. is the first ever to be actually cured of AIDS. France passes same-sex marriage. North Korea declares war with South Korea. Brazil passes same-sex marriage, while Russia makes it illegal for same-sex couples to adopt Russian children. Croatia becomes the 26th state in the E.U. Detroit, Michigan files for bankruptcy. The Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons wins the Nobel Peace Prize. A 7.7 earthquake devastates Pakistan. We end up having another school shooting here in Colorado—the shooter killed both a senior in high school and himself. But in spite of the state of the World being in complete chaos, the Dow and S&P both hit record highs. If we were to go only based on the state of World affairs, we would all be doomed. But I also truly see a pattern in the increase of awareness and enlightenment.

We celebrated the March Against Monsanto this year. We woke up our own nation to marital equality. We are finally addressing medical insurance and care, even though our first round of Obamacare V. the Insurance Racket is still up for grabs and not even closely settled. Facebook still is number one in Social Media and has become the greatest experiment in social anarchy of all times. Giant corporations keep getting stronger, we keep feeding into the system of Materialism, but banks are no longer getting any bailouts (save for the country of Cyprus). Winter still came and is freezing the Northern Hemisphere. But life still goes on.
Now is the time to hibernate. Now is the time to reflect and write. Now is the time to light the hearth fires warming the hearts of the lost and downtrodden. Now is the time to go within and start another year of awakening souls to the spreading awareness and renewal of Spirit.

New Year Resolutions—Creating the Fire of Passion

For 2014, I am dedicated to spread the message of Awakening. I want to open the network of high-minded people so we can reconstruct the norms--the popular, shallow lifestyle of convenience, processed foods, hiding behind computer screens, plastic money, instant gratification and a la carte religion; we need to find a way to open a new forum. The past seems so far away with the lightning speed of internet modernity. The traditional ways of keeping our heads in the sand while Big Corporate America tells us how to think are also over. So we have no choice but to find a new paradigm. For me personally, this reflects in how I run my life, relate to my family, and deal with both the past and the future—our job is to stir the pot. My first intention in 2014 is to get real. Honesty and spiritual reflection. It’s worth the effort. Try it.

I am living exactly the life I expected to live. I still have unfinished business. Yet in this time of renewal, those tasks I must finish are also the very things I strive to accomplish because they are a part of my quest. It has taken longer than I expected to fulfill my visions and manifest my values. I have had a list of accomplishments to complete. Here are the ones I know I am committed to complete this year and beyond:

1. Finish all my classes to complete my Doctorate. So, according to the plan, I have 2 Organic Chem classes, 2 Physics classes and Anatomy and Physiology. In order to do so, I also have to finish the reviews of Biology and Chemistry. So I have my work cut out for me. Especially at 45. But anything is possible. And I am forever the believer in the possible.
2. Attend my daughter Jacquelyn’s high school graduation. My hope is to first take my kids on one last vacation to Florida to see my son Christopher, THEN we watch Jacqui graduate, THEN we celebrate our new life together…my children will ALL be adults! Jacqui turns 18 in August!

3. This leads to the next task: To finish my memoirs about my life in the last 14 years. I left my children at age 30 so I could live after surviving a terrible marriage and abusive prison. I endured losing my identity because there was a need for power and control from my partner. The last three years of marriage sent me into a deep depression. Either I left and regained who I was or stayed and lost everything…so I left. And now, after a decade and a half, I have come full circle, reunited with my children, found my true love and created the life I manifested. I allowed my pain to transform. I gave myself permission to let go. And now I can share this with everyone I love.

4. Complete the screenplay I started in 2013. I know it is worth it. I also know how valuable it will be when completed. I look forward to the day I see it produced!

5. Spread the word about Mannatech. I work for a company that has found a scientific way to tap into the body’s natural renewal systems. I personally know what it can do, how it helps people get their lives back, and how it will lead Mark and I into the new phase of our life. I have committed to those I have been teaching. I am committed to find those who want to lead. Everyone wins. It’s a blessing to be able to bring nutrition and health to so many, and in the process, work for a company that offers nutrition to thousands of starving children. One day we will see millions fed by what we are doing. This is my motivation—to help my family and the future of our world. I love my job!

6. I will be a rock and a strong leader for our family. I have always been blessed to see a light at the end of every tunnel. It will be a year of change. I will continue to support and love our daughter Virginia, who is in college and needs our strength and health knowledge. I will continue to grow our relationships with our daughter Jacquelyn and support our son Christopher, who is in the Navy. And I will spend time visiting and connecting with our combined family. This year, I will be making our home, finding a place to grow our hearts, our garden and our friendships. I will solidify our beliefs and finding our spiritual center.

7. I am working an amazing part-time job that I love dearly. I love working at a doll store, making young girls so happy. But I know that the only way to true joy for me is to turn my work and trade into a more meaningful pursuit. Yes, it is fun to work at a place of such joy. But it is even better to create ways to heal people. All my work will be aligned accordingly.

8. I will tend my first full-NON-GMO garden. This is a lot of work. But it is worth the effort. My intention is to create a unified place for anyone to share in a truly community-based process. There will be other great intentional projects to do as well: making tinctures, processing our own sauces, brewing our own mead, and making community meals.

9. It’s time to travel again! Next plan, this summer, I am taking my children to Orlando to see Universal Studios and visit the Harry Potter Kingdom. It’s a destination for my family. I raised them all on Harry Potter. It will be a momentous reunion!! This is also the first reunion of my children and I since our last vacation to Miami in 2007. The summer of 2007 was the last time we were all together and the time I missed being with them was horrific for me. Christopher moved back to his father’s that school year and I was kept from seeing him for 5 years. It was traumatic, but as I stated, because the marriage and family system were based on my ex’s feelings and mine were always disregarded, it was typical. I am sad I lost all that time with my children. But now, it is more important that I let them know who I am and how strong I have become. This reunion will be the way to show that to them even more.

10. Every good New Year’s resolution would not be complete without a commitment to go to the gym. Since last year I attended a gym I wasn’t thrilled to attend—and I couldn’t get there regularly—I am searching for a place that is more like me. I love dancing! I have taken to Rumba classes and would also love ballet again. Looking into Denver’s possibilities. Next year, I can attend more through the University.

11. I have always fluctuated in my spirituality, but it has remained strong. My goal this year is to be more consistent in learning what my heart longs to find. I am seeking a balanced life that allows me to live unconditionally. I am limited. I am human. I have pursued a life of giving. This path was set for me long ago. And in my transformation, I have stayed strong in loving others as I love myself. I have been given the blessing of understanding that wisdom. I know there are many who cannot accept that part of me—I cannot love those who choose hate, jealousy, narcissism. There is nothing I can do to change their paths. But I can still be true to my own nature.

12. The greatest gift I can give to myself this year, and to those who know me and may even read what I write, is the gift of allowance. I allow myself permission to complete the tasks set out before me. I allow myself the blessing of a healthy body, a sound mind, an amazing family and a strong marriage. I allow myself to be true to my nature, intellectually and emotionally. I allow my life to flourish. I am not competing with anyone else. I am not succumbing to having to have “stuff” I don’t need. I don’t need to be anyone else. I am so grateful for this revelation. And to my friends, family and those who can’t see beyond their own images or perceptions of me, I promise I am going to continue to love, to teach, to parent, to learn, to pursue, to be a great wife and mother, to be a passionate leader, and to stand up for those who need a voice. It will be another wonderful year of getting to know what the Universe has in store for each and every one of us!

Wishing everyone an amazing New Year! Blessings to you all!

Chapter 7--Ride on the Peace Train

Now I've been happy lately, thinking about the good things to come
And I believe it could be, something good has begun
Oh I've been smiling lately, dreaming about the world as one
And I believe it could be, some day it's going to come
Cause out on the edge of darkness, there rides a peace train
Oh peace train take this country, come take me home again

- Peace Train by Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam)

There are days when I wake up and just feel totally grateful! And there are days when I wake up grumpy, just like everyone else that has had a moment of humanity. I am glad I usually wake up grateful, but since there is a major flu bug going around and none of my family can breathe properly, I have begrudgingly gotten out of bed and began the daily routine to get my youngest off to school, my homework done, breakfast dishes and cleaning the kitchen done, and swallow down a forced cup of coffee and a protein shake. Today I have had to add nose-blowing every few minutes into the routine, which has allowed my mood to be altered to a bit of irritation. I will work on answering emails first this morning. I will make more chicken soup for my sick family. THEN if I am energetically inspired, I go to the gym and write out my daily assignments for my screenwriting. Maybe I will bring a book to read on the machines, usually revolving around business or occasionally a favorite to further enhance my spiritual pursuits. But as I teeter on the thought of going back to bed, I am reminded how amazing my life is! And I had to get up to write.

Fourteen years ago I was living on the graces of some of my wonderful friends. I had an apartment I couldn't afford and after the divorce and having been railroaded into poverty, leaving everything behind and losing any of what I had left, I barely had enough time to find a poorly underpaid waitress job and didn't eat much at all for almost a year. I went from a difficult time losing weight at a size 14 to a barely able to keep my clothes up size 2. I was in a constant state of fight or flight for a year during the divorce. I experienced what many would consider "war conditions." And I was so despondent. And I had no will left to live--yet freedom from oppression and lies and being degraded constantly was a better alternative than living on the edge of having nothing left. I was even forced to stay away from my children, bullied by the courts, and threatened to be thrown in jail if I didn't give what I had left to my ex for child support. But I had me--my mind, my Spirit and my independence.

So as I realize how far I have come, I am reminded of how my life is amazing! I have a beautiful family, have all of my children AND many more! I have a wonderful partner, loving and honorable friends, a refrigerator full of yummy organic and natural food, all the amenities I could ask for! I have internet and heat and Netflix and a new bank account and school and my teachers and healers and.... See, there is an abundance to be grateful for! But was I grateful for what I had back 14 years ago? Yes. But in a different way; I was grateful I was able to start over, but held so much resentment for the way I was treated.

It is SO easy to be "happy" when we are warm and comfortable and surrounded by love! But those times when life throws us curve balls, when we are thinking about whether we are going to pay our rent or feed our children, those times when you find out your partner is more interested in watching adult entertainment than in spending time with you, those moments when you find yourself with a bottle of vodka in bed with you at night, or when you realize you can't take care of yourself let alone others, those are the moments when gratefulness is the LAST feeling you have running around your brain...

The most difficult experience I had threaded throughout all these days of extreme sadness was the fact that I was completely rejected and judged by so many others who claimed to be Spiritual leaders and teachers and even supposed friends. My kids' father lied to everyone about me (I found the emails and had many conversations with those who told me his intentions). My family cut me off from any support. And remember, I wasn't a drug addict or party animal or anything remotely resembling a deviant. My condition after divorce, however, resembled these archetypes after I had nothing left to hold onto. My friends, those that claimed to be so godly, were the first to run like rats from a sinking ship.

It is funny--it was the new friends I made that took me in, cared for me, made sure I was fed and had a roof over my head. These friends were my new Pagan, Wiccan, Atheist and Buddhist friends. In fact, I am still grateful to be friends with many of them today! I felt amazing, unconditional love from them! I was richly blessed with compassion. It is because of these experiences that I found that silver lining in the darkness of such a turbulent life journey. Much like the Biblical references to the "Good Samaritan", I was rescued not by those in my circles, but those that had the most compassion! (Thank you to those who cared for me--Deborah and Brooke, Mary, Missy, Casey, and even Eric and of course David! And also to my many friends who were there for me as well, Michael, Kat, Kimi, Kaye, Tripp, Jason, and the rest of the Saint Simons gang! You all know who you are and will always be remembered forever...)

The reason I even bring up these multitudes of experiences today is because I want all my readers to know that in my pursuit to find wholeness, peace and wisdom, I had to experience so much pain so I can understand what those around me are experiencing. This was my Buddha's journey--just like in the story of Siddhartha Gautama. The Buddha began his journey in extreme wealth, sheltered from the outside world. Then he encountered every one of life's traumas--poverty, sickness, disease, death--and finally woke up to his purpose. When he was awakened, he left his comfortable palace lifestyle and with the help of a chariot driver, he was able to sneak out of the kingdom to go and find his people and see the suffering he had only recently encountered. When he was long on his journey, he was at the point of starvation when a village girl took him in and gave him rice and milk. Her generosity was rewarded with the ability to conceive her son according to the story. Many of these karmic changes are written about in the wisdom texts--direct blessings given for kindness and compassion. THIS is why I live the way I do and why I have chosen the life I have.

For my Christian friends, this similar parable is explained by Jesus in Matthew 25:35-40: For I was hungry, and you gave me meat: I was thirsty, and you gave me drink: I was a stranger, and you took me in: naked, and you clothed me: I was sick, and you visited me: I was in prison, and you came to me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we you an hungered, and fed you? or thirsty, and gave you drink? When saw we you a stranger, and took you in? or naked, and clothed you? Or when saw we you sick, or in prison, and came to you? And the King shall answer and say to them, Truly I say to you, Inasmuch as you have done it to one of the least of these my brothers, you have done it to me. There are hundreds of examples about Jesus' generosity in the Christian Bible. For my Jewish friends, compassion is all but lost in the Old Testament conquests, but think about the wisdom of those who were altruistic and unconditional, like in the stories of Ruth and Hannah (notice they are both women!). Selfish pursuits to conquest, dominate and separate (the "chosen" ones) are examples of what our society now models in order to further the missions that are instilled by Fear. How many times have I heard that the War on Iraq was "God's Will"?? Really? Yes, I understand that there are Muslim factions too that take their beliefs to an extreme...but haven't we propagated these divisions? That can be as likely attributed to God as NOT feeding someone because they don't have the same belief system (but I see it happen in religious circles).

So now that I am on a Path to Enlightenment myself, I am attracting so many who are a part of my world that are from all walks of life! I found on all my journeys that one thing resonated throughout--either those around me understood true loyalty and compassion and the tenets of Unconditional Love, or they were held back by their comfort zone, false superiority and judgments. What a stark contrast! Now there are those I met who were more the Conditional types that have had their own awakenings and have come around to show great strides in love, compassion and service. And then I have seen those who I thought were on the path to understanding who have been caught up by societal norms, money, dogma or just plain complacency. I often see that those who can't handle change or are confronted with a challenge often stick their heads in the sand. I think this is what happened to some of my friends from my youth when I was in the middle of the divorce--I don't think any of them could handle the challenge to their own belief systems.

The Difference Between "Us V. Them" and "Us AND Them"

In my journeys the last many years, I have encountered a stark contrast in our society that has propagated and fed into Fear. If there ever was a societal basis behind the idea of a Satan or a Devil, it is the Fear that leads to separatism. I see it actually the most prominently in the majority movements that revolve around religious ideologies, especially the main 3 in our country: Christianity, Judaism and Islam. I am NOT by any means saying ALL people of faith fall into this! In fact many of you (those that would actually READ this) are much more understanding, educated, open-minded and/or enlightened to the True nature of the purpose behind belief systems in the FIRST place. Those that promote, preach and feed into separatism are creating the basis for disharmony that continues to flourish in our society.

Americans are most susceptible to it! See, we are not only subjected to the barrage of national, political hype, but we are also conditioned to choose "sides". We have national sports teams that compete against others. We have inflated loyalty to these teams and our passions behind them. Why else would there be violent encounters at games if we didn't have such conditioning? I see it in our politics even more starkly. During the elections last year, there was such a division in which "side" to vote for, when it was such a farce--neither choice was going to be favorable for the actual people of our country, because the "Us" and "Them" were not Democrats and Republicans but rather the Privileged and Non-Privileged. But this is overlooked in a society that is trained to "take sides."

Remember in grade school when you had to be on a "team"? When we were growing up, our gym teacher Coachie (that's what we called him) would choose two students and those two students had to take turns choosing teams. This led to a few students always being chosen last or feeling unwanted. It was typical. I remember times when I was one of the "choosers" and I would consciously choose based on who I thought NEEDED to be chosen rather than who was most popular, athletic or enthusiastic. I remember it being like a contest. It was so much pressure! But it taught me early to think about the choices I made long before there was a theory/principle behind it. It just was.

Not all children are born with the gift of seeing the best in others, the Divine Child, as I was. I can honestly say it wasn't always true and I wasn't always a thoughtful kid. I hurt people, just like I was hurt. I wasn't complacent by any means! And I was susceptible to peer pressure and made some poor decisions in puberty because of it (most involving dating and friendships--I wasn't exposed to challenging vices until much later). But even then, I knew that the ONLY way to be a great young woman was to be kind, generous, and giving even to a fault. And so it happened that I was part of a group of loving, non-judgmental youth, but we too were separated because of our faith. And in our home town, there were many groups that spent their time "converting" other youth to their causes, to joint their youth groups, to live in this bubble of same-faith community. Since leaving the nest of singular understanding, I have found that this can only go so far. I commend those that have taken the leap and gone into mission work or some kind of service. But for many, it has just allowed a generation of separatists to continue to enforce the ideology onto a new generation of children, and the societal divisions based on Fear are growing wider.

I know many didn't want to be friends in High School because of my Christian stand. In contrast to the fear-based ideologies though, I was just super zealous. See, it was in my own understanding of Divine Love that I wanted to share it with everyone, which was a bit too pushy for many of my classmates. Later in life, when it came down to who actually stood by me from that group of friends, only my best friends Tom and Kelly have been there for me the whole time. Tom didn't hang out with our little "religious" group, but we have been siblings since grade school. And Kelly, even in spite of our differences in beliefs now, has always been a true and giving friend.

Then, I believe the reason my life was such a dichotomy was the extreme difference in Conditional and Unconditional Love. As explained in the last couple of chapters, I have been blessed with the understanding of seeing others as I see myself BECAUSE of the Divine connection I choose. But even those who claim to be connected with the Divine are sorely off-base when they feed into the agenda that being kind is ONLY reserved to those that believe what they do. Do you see this? Which side do YOU choose to be on?

So to become more "Us AND Them" we must also take a look at how we envision those that don't believe, look or associate with us. Movies often depict the extreme in society. The ultra-wealthy grow up to either be superior in their actions and treatment of others, or they do something good with their lives to help humanity. But there is a HUGE difference in offering service to the world to make yourself look good and the acts of true genuine service! When we reach out of our world and find those that are hurting, poor, suffering, homeless, do we judge their condition? Or do we see them as we see ourselves? Wasn't I just in that same boat, TWICE in this lifetime? Most of you know me and understand I have reconstructed my life just like I have adapted to and reconstructed my faith. Many of you look at me as successful. But would you have asked if I needed help when I had nowhere to go? Would you have attempted to understand why I was lying near-dead on the side of the road or would you have walked around to the other side of the street? And not just me, but those that live in your own community?

Change the Mentality and the Faith Will Follow

I am not asking for many of you to take a radical leap. There is often an underlying ideology already that allows us to easily see the connections in humanity once we are on the path to Divine living. But the roadblock to seeing through the eyes of the Source is this little itching virus of separation that feeds off our energy by creating the drama of "Us V. Them". Folks, I have my moments. Once again I am human! I have a deep disdain for prejudice and even more disdain for hate crimes. I tend to "judge" those that commit these types of actions and I have to take a step back and figure out why. I don't believe in the turn-the-other-cheek idea completely. If I am slapped once, I usually fight back the second time I am struck (hahahaha!) but I do believe in the importance of understanding why someone would be able to live in Fear.

But take a look at what you THINK when you see others. What do you create in your world when you have a conflict with a relative, a coworker, someone on the train, a person standing in line in front of you at the grocery store? How do you respond to others when they are kind or when they are stressed? What is your natural reaction to people standing on the corners begging for money? Where do you find yourself on the side of thinking when it comes to religion, politics and nationality? And what is the most memorable experience you have about handling a situation with someone who was or is hateful? Or do you stay in such a tight-knit group that this would never happen because you are too busy talking to those within your own circles?

I want to give you something to plant in your mind as you finish this: Who are YOU in these scenarios? And would it change your life radically if you chose to find a way to be less selfish and more kind? Would you find peace if you didn't have whatever Fear it is in your heart and mind? If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I want to start getting some feedback from my friends and family about these blogs--feel free to contact me and let's have a chat about what is it that may be eating away at you. Once you begin mentally shifting your focus on treating EVERYONE as you would want to be treated, regardless of your actions, you WILL find a way to open your Faith in both Humanity and the Divine. Take the time to check it out yourself! Do one good deed, a pay-it-forward, for ONE person this week. Then tell me how you feel about your life and where you are going!

C'mon, jump aboard the Peace Train with me! Yeah, maybe I AM just a hippie in Mommy's clothing, but I have never truly been happier. It really does look great on this side!

Chapter 6--Unconditional Love Leads To an Unconditional Life

I began writing my thoughts and journeys down in September 2009. I will eventually edit all of my material as I have gained great wisdom and knowledge since beginning this journey. However, I can see the progression is greatly enhanced by this revelation: That we must live our lives in Unconditional Love. It seems idealistic. Many have told me I wear "rose-colored glasses." But the Truth comes out when one finally crosses that Threshold into understanding a connection with the Divine and not allowing daily circumstances to break that connection, but rather enhance it. It is living in one's Center, finding one's God, having one's Divine inspiration...it all relates to crossing a bridge that when on the other side seems like such a fond memory to a new beginning.

In Chapters 1 and 2, I created a definition for dichotomy and balance in life. My desire was to cover examples of life's contrasts--the Yin and Yang of "good" and "bad" thought, which ultimately leads to questioning WHY do we perceive something is one way or the other? The conclusions became that everything happens for the purpose of 1. Creating contrast in life lessons along the way to allow us to see if we are in line with our higher learning path and 2. Defining experiences and people in our lives as those we are able to connect with Conditionally or Unconditionally.

In Chapters 3 and 4, I define what IS Love. I go into detail over the definitions of Love in its many forms and then how it connects to us in relationships. But these definitions are limited by our worldly scope of Love if they separate our individual self from our Divine Creator. It may come across as academic, but it is in finding that Love is so diverse that we often find ourselves categorizing our feelings for others based on our definitions rather than what we see in them by "walking a mile in their moccasins." These definitions allow relatability. I absolutely love seeing those around me through that lens! In spite of our own thoughts, behaviors and attractions, we still have a Divine connection that shows us what we need to learn. So what is your goal in this lifetime? To see the thread in everything around you? Or to allow yourself to be limited by what you are told to be the truth?

The reason I am asking the choice here is much like when Morpheus asks Neo if he wants the red or the blue pill in the movie The Matrix. Once your eyes have seen beyond the scope in front of you, once you become blind to skin color, age, race, religion, region and social class, you also see that connection that allows us to rise in consciousness and elevate humanity. Now, I have seen many who have been given the SAME choices as I and challenges as I have and they chose to remain where they were in their own reality. I see it all the time now because it is so contrasting to what I feel and believe. In fact, I am often "accused" of being and thinking OUTSIDE reality. I do. This is a given once you cross into the Threshold of Divine Living. I don't have to engage with those that believe in the limitation of what our awakening allows. However, I still choose to commune with those that understand being alive in our world is to be open to the infinite possibility, vibrate on the level of Love, and reach out to those around us who are also striving to find this path.

So what I discovered is that those around me are a reflection of my Universe and I often find the Truth between experiences, encounters, words and reflections within these connections! So using this format, I am looking at what I see in the World and what I see in the Collective Consciousness and find a way to bridge these worlds together--Earth and Divine--by observing my world from the outside-the-box point-of-view! And within that framework, I find thankfulness for my entire journey!

Gratefulness for the Journey to the Truth

I have to admit that the switch didn't happen overnight, even after experiencing challenges that would push many other more open individuals to that moment of enlightenment. It was a lot more subtle for me on my journey. As I expressed in the last chapter, I had a lot of Conditional Love examples that led me to learn more and more about what path I did NOT want to take. I chose to allow friendships, partnerships, and even family relationships to remain long after they had become negative or self-serving BECAUSE I love them. I remember incidences throughout my life of friends that used me for my talent, my looks, my intellect and my faith. Many of the "vampire energies" that I have allowed to exist came in through the door of love. I was incapable of separating Love and Service from being used. This was also a byproduct of my upbringing, belief system and social conditioning. But I am grateful for all my life lessons!

Now we have this crazy thing called Facebook that we use to connect with other people. I have had many relationships reconnected through this virtual forum. It's amazing! Think of this--millions of us connect in order to share information, stories, memories and often ideologies and passions. It has been a brilliant social experiment for the world! So many other forums offered similar means of connecting for many different reasons. Since the internet has become a household entity, we have had Myspace around for a while for connecting, Twitter for networking, LinkedIn for business, Meetup.com for hosting groups, and now we have all kinds of virtual sites for marketing, class reunions, dating, and sharing interests. We have the giants like Google, Wikipedia, and all these virtual news sources to feed us information. The World is at our fingertips! And what do many of us do? Pass pictures of kittens to one another and play online video games. I find it quite fascinating!

So I have discovered that if I use all these mediums, virtually post my expressions of Love and Light to whomever in my Universe is listening (including this blog!), I am creating a space for allowing others to come into my world as well and to open to my awareness. Many are already there and come as a friend and peer in this Journey. And these are the folks I keep attracting. I find myself feeling such gratefulness and community thanks to these connections...many of which are still only virtual. I do attempt to create as many face-to-face connections as possible. In fact, that is what I live for--traveling, journeys to see other people, connecting to find out of there are ways to get these messages out to many. I collaborate when I write. I depend on my closest friends and family for guidance as well as keeping my focus on reality. And I find that I still resonate with those who want to live an altruistic lifestyle. I desire a gift-society living and I am creating this life for myself and living this way with my family.

Several years ago I had a series of crossroad moments that allowed me to move toward these directions and attract these kinds of communities. I have covered the challenges (Conditional Love) in relationships. I encountered issues that included commitment to myself and my path, the ability to transform a relationship with loving kindness, and the abrupt ending of those relationships that vibrated into different directions for whatever reason. To expand these patterns in relationships, I was recently reminded of the connections I have made with other movie producers. I have also been partnered with many of these business relationships, but when I set the intention of looking for a mutual ground, I am often met with resistance. There are still many who live for themselves but do not VALUE the work done, monetarily or otherwise. Since it has no "value" then the work is not considered work at all and often I have been taken for granted by my generosity. These moments then defined my movement.

For instance, I began this Journey of Enlightenment while I was working for a movie producer as his Network Specialist. We had a great working relationship but no contracts. He showed me how to focus on creating the environment and life you want by putting my Spiritual attractions to work in our business. It seemed to work for a time. I told him I needed to be paid for my work or I couldn't work with him anymore and he told me no. So I learned a lot from our agreement, but wasn't honored in pay or for what I was worth, which became a question: what AM I worth? Then I moved on to partner with other people, learned to run a production company myself, and have made a choice to step out of that arena when a new path presented itself returning to acting and learning to master screenwriting. The more I plan to produce and create works that are high-minded, the more high-minded the connections I am making. And my lesson--self-worth--reflects now even more strongly when contrasted by those who don't see that within themselves.

Since my movie producer partner faded away into the distance, we always come around to reconnect in one way or another. He unfortunately lost his girlfriend at the same time my ex died in 2011, so we had a reason to communicate on a personal level. My world has become greater thus the distance between degrees of separation are smaller. I am actively involved with people in my spiritual community in Denver. I am also working in partnership to write and create several entities that will reflect our strong ideologies on film. I find that we all know a lot of the same people. Many chose to "take sides" when I left my last relationship because he too was widely connected. But those that have stayed "friends" (whether virtually or on a regular basis) are showing that they don't have a need to be Conditional with me! This is a great progress I have had with my friendships--they continue to reconnect and it is happening with more and more friendships as I write.

Seeking the Truth from Humanity's Reflection

So not only do I have these great mediums to express my gratefulness, these connections that are inspired by the Divine, but I also have the blessings of the connections to the Truth. Another pattern I encountered in my Journey was finding the right Spiritual Truths when I asked for them! Remember, many of Life's Lessons come from a yearning to seek an answer, even if it appears in a form unpleasant or difficult to handle. I have learned about my own strong desire to be independent because I am watching my daughter mimic and reflect my very essence when I was her age and in college. I also see a reflection of my awakening in the young people I have encountered the last few years in my travels and here in our spiritual groups. When they have an "ah-hah moment" I am reminded of my own blessings. I am also reminded of my humanity when I see a young person fail to achieve their goal and end up in disappointment. I can comfort them and it also comforts me to know that not everything happens as we set out to create it. BUT if we are open to it, the Higher Path will lead us to where we are suppose to be going.

I have a great example. Often the truth of the world's view comes out of the mouths of babes. Children often indicate a gauge to our wellness by their words, often just blurted out. I have had nephews and nieces and friends' children tell me things like, "Why do you look so different? Why are you so (skinny, big, old, etc)?" My first thought becomes, "What have I done to my body?" Oftentimes in stress I have allowed my body to fluctuate and my body appearance changes when I am in these situations--thus this thought gives me an indicator on what I might have to look at to change. In my experience I have had to look at the reasons behind the questions as well, so I don't have negative thoughts at any time about my appearance per se nor about the child that asked the question by any means! I have been told by another child that I am the most beautiful woman they have seen! (That was one of my adoring nephews). But I do take these signs into consideration IF I feel I may be on the wrong track for some reason. Yet many times I see this as a reflection of the World in general as to how I am intended to be by their standards. So am I focusing on the wrong thoughts? Does this analysis make sense to you? Do you judge or reflect yourself to the world in a way that is allowing your light to shine through as the Creation that you are? So when they ask, "Why do you look so different?" you can answer, "because I am so joyful!" Thinking within as a reflection of the Divine rather than on the surface became an imperative leap of understanding in my journey.

Children are well-known for pointing out other things too. One child used to ask me, "Do you believe in Jesus like my mommy does?" to which I answered, "I do believe that Jesus was here for a reason. I believe you are here too, right in front of me, for a reason! We all exist here for a reason." Another used to ask me, "How old are you really?" to which I answered, "How old do you want me to be?" One child asked me why I don't have my own house. Another wants to know why I have chosen not to buy another car. I then look at the Path I have chosen and I am grateful for what I have decided to do with each choice along the way. I also have had children ask me why I was in a specific relationship, which in a nutshell was an litmus test to what I was reflecting and often asking myself at the same time. These are all thoughts stemmed from a societal awakening that they are experiencing. These thoughts intrigue me as I examine their origins--faith, social status, possessions--but often they are indicators upon examination of the way the World looks at me. So I ask, am I too seeing myself from a worldly point-of-view or am I focusing on what I can do for my family, for my community and those around me? The answer more and more has been I am on the RIGHT PATH and everything else becomes superfluous.

So how did I take all of these encounters into consideration? I began to think of myself in Divine terms as I encountered people, as having the Spirit within and seeing their Spirit as well. And these definitions of self I reflected back to those around me. Going back to seeking for Spiritual Truths, when I began searching for peers and teachers who I could resonate with, I sought for those around me to be forthright, but for the right reasons! Then I began to attract those who would call me out on my limitations, stop me from thinking Conditionally, and give me an honest feedback to where I was heading. I had a few close friends in 2009 when I began this writing that would reflect with me and point me in the right direction. Now I am blessed with hundreds of new connections throughout the world!

The Rest of My Journey Up To Now

So how did I cross this bridge over to Unconditional Love? As I concluded above, I first chose to take a path starkly different than the ones my relationships were on (especially after leaving Colorado and visiting my old stomping grounds in Chicago the Summer of 2009 with my daughter and my best friends Tom and Greg). Then I found compassion from those who understood my major life changes, especially since I left the negativity AND all my belongings behind. All I had at that point was the car I was driving and the suitcases I was carrying. I then found my self-worth through exploring my relationship with others in business and chose to work in positions only making what I was worth. There were a couple of exceptions to the rule this past year while settling into new environments, but that is to be expected. And I finally decided to look at myself through the lens of the Divine, rather than the World.

I no longer need material things, though I enjoy some comforts and I have excellent taste because I love to decorate. I use the skills I have learned basically everyday, from business to parenting to leadership from an Unconditional point of view. I analyze everything I do and for what purpose it has come into my life at the time that it does. I write out my conflicts and lessons in this form, in my screenwriting developments, in novel and in poetry. I embrace rather than run from emotions and I stand up for myself when I am wronged. I am not passive or quiet in my passions, in fact I am rather outspoken and forthright when asked. I don't limit my conversations to help others unless it has a non-Unconditional based motive, like those that want my attention for romantic pursuits rather than on a true friendship level. And I have found myself on the other side of these realizations in a wonderful, loving family environment!

My family life here in Denver is wonderful! It is exactly where we are meant to be. We are learning gifts from one another because we choose to cherish one another! This is such a simple thought but it is powerful and inspires greatness from all of us. I am running a business with my family, enjoying raising a step-daughter, looking for ways to expand our business and my writing through travel, creating concepts that will elevate our purposes and give the world around us a little more hope. I accept my humanity in the forms of the occasional illness, a momentary lapse of reason, an outburst of frustration every once in a while. I am a Spiritual person here having a Physical experience on this planet! This is how I look at any situation--through a Spiritual filter.

I also believe in Karma. Everyone who I have wronged I have either had a chance to reconcile or have been able to let go of the situation. There are a few exceptions because of a continued conflict, mostly revolving around my children. I allowed myself to be treated in an inferior way by not placing a value on my own skills and talents as a mother, guardian and partner in previous relationships. Now my wonderful partner Mark and our adorable other-mother Amber and our daughter all seek to honor one another's gifts and I feel so blessed to be venerated for what I do. I love my life and I am finally finding that "home" where before I was always running, travelling, seeking the answers elsewhere. I find the beauty of the Universe's Unconditional Love in energy given to create, write, sing, meditation, honor and thank one another. And now it is time to do something with this Unconditional Love and Divine Knowledge! This is the next step on my Journey to Enlightenment--where should we put all our love and overflowing passion?