The Brilliant Bird - Part 1

Once there was a bright-colored, playful, and unusually rare bird that lived in the jungle. She was a beauty but very loud, social, graceful, proud and never wanted to sit still. There were a few like her spread out throughout the forest, high in the trees. She loved to fly high above and spread her colorful wings to the world. She loved the sweet fruits from the trees where she would perch, tasting their nectar before they were too ripe and would fall to the bottom of the forest. She would bathe in the great waterfall and shake off her cold, wet feathers in the light of the Great Source. She would share her nuts and seeds with those around her, gathering her children to share stories. And she would fly far and wide to peer in on the lives of so many other creatures with whom she befriended. She shared stories of her ancestors, perching on the ancient ruins of the two-leggeds who lived in the forests. She would see the flames of those who still lived deep within, whose days were spent gathering fish in streams and whose nights are spent with those in their families. She was always curious, keeping watch and wondering, what would it be like to be among the two-leggeds?

Then one day, she ventured out. She decided to see what was beyond the basin of the safety of the forest. She happened upon a city where there were these two-leggeds were crowded and fast and dressed in funny things, not like those of the forest. She was fascinated. She spent many days searching beyond the canopy. She found noise and crowds and strange, exotic smells. She found these strange creatures with humming sounds that ran along the city floor with the two-legged creatures inside. They made loud noises when they crowded together and the two-leggeds would emerge their heads out and shout at one another. There were the smells of other creatures being burned. There were these strange, tall square places, not at all like trees, where two-leggeds would emerge and disappear within. She would land on all kinds of tall places that had no covering. And she would occasionally grab the attention of a two-legged who would point to her and shout.

On one such occasion, where her curiosity got the best of her, she ventured too close to one of the two-leggeds and she was caught! He put her inside a small box and took her inside his square dwelling place. She was terrified! Cowering, her heart pounding, she waiting for what seemed forever in the small space where she was kept. Eventually the two-legged began to speak to her and she came out of hiding to investigate. What an odd creature! It was her bravery or stupidity that made her lash out at first, pecking as hard as she could to get away. But eventually her manner subsided and she became comfortable with the two-legged. But she wanted out!

Several cycles of the light went by. The two-legged gave her seed and water. But it wasn’t the same as her home. She needed flight. She needed sunshine. Even in this small space, spending time in the light was not the same. She began to wither and her heart became heavy. The two-legged saw her change and allowed her to be let free in his dwelling place. She flew around gratefully, showing off her beautiful colors, singing loudly and began to preen. The two-legged was pleased. She took a liking to him and spent time curiously looking over him to see what he was doing. She watched his many tasks and pondered over their meaning. She was excited—just as she had hoped, she was learning something different, outside her jungle, outside the comfort of her brilliant forest. But she missed and longed for her children. She would perch at the clear opening of the dwelling, which still allowed her to close her eyes and be thankful to the light as it set each day.

There was a routine. She arose, flew around, perched over her two-legged, and watched him work. She pecked at her food, explored her dwelling. But again, it was not enough. In the heat of the afternoon, she would perch as close as she could to the clear boundary between her and the outside world. And she would say thank you to the light as it fell below the sky every night. In her dreams, she would see the brilliant points of light from well beyond the jungle, high above her like jewels, and she would dream of flying as high as she could. She was happy in her dreams. But every morning, she awoke again to the sadness of being in this little dwelling, away from her world of buzzing and screeching and whistling and life.

Finally, the two-legged began to carefully look at her. Her feathers were coming out. Her joy was gone. She could not fly around because she had no reason to fly. She sat in her corner on her perch and just stared out the great clear barrier between her and her world. The two-legged felt compassion. She could feel his heart break as hers was broken as well. He carefully put her in a dark, small space and she was terrified, but she trusted him. He took her into his large, noisy, crawling creature and eventually stopped where it was familiar to her. She knew she was no longer in his dwelling place! And in one act of sheer kindness, she emerged from the dark space and saw that she was near her beloved jungle! She flew high above and circled her two-legged, bowed to him in thanks and screeched with a sound so loud she even scared herself. And she flew right out into the thickness of her forest and searched high and low for her children. Reunited once again, she was finally filled with joy. And that night, as she perched on a branch and looked into the colorful, dimming light, she said thanks to her Source and fell fast asleep.

It took months to grow all her plumage back. It was a long, hard recovery. But the waterfall never felt so good. And the fruit never tasted so sweet. And the seeds never had such life force for her. And this opened her to a new adventure…the curiosity once again gave her the strength to explore. But she decided at that moment, there would be plenty of time to adventure, someday, but today she would be with her family and rest in the canopy of her beloved jungle.

No matter how much she wanted to change, no matter how far she wanted to go, she was still a bird. She would always have two wings. She would always be brightly colored. And she was always going to need her jungle, her canopy, her waterfall, and her children.

Facing the Crone of Wisdom: The Choice to Journey Into Darkness

”Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” – Marie Curie

”Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream.” – Paulo Coelho

”People living deeply have no fear of death.” – Anais Nin

Middle Age and the Realization of Mortality

I am writing this piece because I am personally experiencing the great challenges often faced by women my age and in my position: the great loss of motherhood through menopause and the drive to seek out Wisdom and leave behind a Legacy. These experiences are all connected. This is also true for both men and women, specifically in our society and time in history for individuals over 40 years of age. As we get older and face our own mortality, we seek answers to inevitable questions involving the underlying feeling of urgency that we must “accomplish” something in our lifetime. Many of us have already sought to do something that will be worthy of remembrance, myself included. And as we find our answers, we reveal more questions. Why are we so inclined to be enlightened? Were we created this way? How does the mind suddenly open to the concepts of mortality and spirituality? And why do we seek wisdom?

Our country is specifically, still predominantly and historically influenced by Christianity, but we have acknowledged and accepted our roots in Native American cultures and the shamanic spirituality that planted its roots here long before the Christians arrived. And we have assimilated our brothers and sisters of all major religions who have arrived at our shores and passed their wisdoms down for generations. With this understanding and with my personal journey as an anthropologist and connoisseur of world religions and wisdom texts, I am prone more than others to self-analyze and actualize a study of what I am experiencing and how it relates to others on my journey, both in this life and in all of human history. I suppose this is my legacy. Besides my roles as a mother, teacher, friend, healer and leader, I also seek to be remembered for my ability to transform these concepts and ideologies into written words. It’s like the play within a play—I thrive off the knowledge that this story has been told for thousands of years in different forms and manifests through me to join in community with those that have sought wisdom in its many forms before me. I feel comforted by the transformation.

The Confrontation of the Ego: The Crone Archetype and Internal Transformation

One of the greatest, most frightening fairy tales in human history is the birthplace of all evil witch stories: the tale of Baba Yaga, the Crone of Russian mythology. It may be a particular bias of mine, but if you take apart the roots of the tale, the origins of which descend from many different chrone stories, they all contain the same concepts. Baba Yaga was described as an ancient woman, goddess of the Underworld, with silver and black hair wild and overgrown, pale and green skin, often described as large in body and stature with skinny legs, a long hooked nose, burning eyes and the stench of death permeating from her mouth full of rotten teeth. She flies home in a mortar and pestle with her birch broom at her side. She has three horseman who serve her, the White Horseman (day), the Red Horseman (sun), and the Black Horseman (night), all of whom ride in and out of her yard. Her home is deep in the dark forest. Her house spins on chicken legs. And her yard is outlined by a fence of human bones with the skulls atop that light at night with the fire of judgment. Baba Yaga is scary. She threatens to eat those who confront her if they do not face the tasks she assigns. But is it fear of life that causes heroes and heroines to accomplish these impossible feats? In every tale she appears, the protagonist acts out a conundrum, but do we interpret this as being afraid of the Goddess or an act of courage? Ask yourself, do you live your life in fear of eternal punishment or do we seek to make a better world for a more noble higher purpose?

Baba Yaga means and represents “Old Crone.” There are similar characters throughout world mythologies that have the same appearances and traits. The representation of the Female in different cultures is represented by Youth (the Maiden), Motherhood (the Mother) and Menopause (the Crone). In all myths, the Crone represents the Underworld, not the life after death concept of hell, but the internal journey. Facing the Crone means going deep into the Abyss of the Darkness. And each world myth represents facing the Ancient, the Evil, the fear of Death: it becomes the confrontation of our own mortality but wakes us up to reality. Why would we attempt a feat that cannot be done unless we are truly powerful enough to accomplish it? That is like asking a cancer patient why they want to live—thus those who read what I write must know one thing: unless you have faced the Goddess of Transformation, you may not have a clue to that which I am referring.

Is Baba Yaga not frightening enough? Let’s go back even further, to one of the first of the Ancient Goddesses. In the earliest recordings of mythology, the Vedic/Hindu tradition, there is the goddess Kali, whose name translates as "black", or "death", and represents empowerment, or Shakti. Kali is the consort but also the conqueror of Lord Shiva, the judge of the world that leads those into the Underworld. In many representations, she is standing over him, atop his chest. She represents facing the fear of life after death, a judge of hearts much like Anubis in the Ancient Egyptian pantheon, in order to gain wisdom. She is depicted as black or dark blue in color, a warrior with a scythe and a necklace of human or demon heads around her neck. But she does not represent our physical Death per se, but Transformation. Her image is depicted as mostly naked and wild and powerful. She is the Universal Darkness. She is shown as the incarnation of Durga after battle that faces that part within us of defeating those demons we hold so close to our hearts. We misunderstand facing our fear as loss of life, but it is really loss of the body, transformation of the Ego. We are removing the obstacle of human frailty. We become a source of wisdom once we face these demons. But the Ego battle comes with a price and left behind is bloodshed.

Other goddesses of wisdom include Athena (Roman), Sophia (Gnostic), Inanna (Greek), Isis (Egyptian), Ishtar (Sumerian) and Lilith (Assyrian). They vary in aspects, cover many thousands of years of human mythology, but all show us the transformation of the female from the Mother to the Crone through battle or judgment. It is interesting that, in general, we see war as an act of the masculine, but it is very clear that the Chrone is the warrior version of the feminine. I am not implying that men do not have demons to slay that often end up in death and destruction, but this is again not a physical death, but a spiritual one. And for humanity to evolve, many must seek this transformation in their own feminine psyche, no matter what gender we were born to in this Universe.

I am also not implying that everyone has the privilege of facing the Crone. A major part of our society does not acknowledge the death of the Ego. In fact, the opposite of wisdom is narcissism, and this leads to a sickness that permeates our culture: the ideology that we are the “savior” of our own little world. This leads to controlling of others, prejudice, class differences, religious hatred and the idea of superiority, and eventually to the justification of the mob mentality of righteous killing so highly praised in concepts such as government, military, corporate monopolies and in the conquest of power. Do we believe our God allows us to kill in His name? (Yes, this is a direct shot at the major world religions who see god as masculine, superior and justify nationalism and sovereignty as permission to destroy other human beings). The concept of the Crone Goddess is in direct conflict with these beliefs. Yet she does not “claim” to be God or superior or any such thing. In fact, she is not even a God but an archetype. The Vedics knew this. Now we can face her together as a part of all that is within us if you are ready.

Gaining Wisdom Through Power: The Antithesis of Transformation and the Preservation of the Ego

Can you still seek Wisdom after war? Yes but not in the way we think traditionally. The story of Solomon in Judaic culture has its roots in the concept that he was a warrior in battle but he sought Wisdom. Interesting, in the Occult, there is a school of thought that Solomon actually created a system of communicating with archangels and suppressing demons through the use of sigils, or drawings that are used to hold the power of these entities. (These writings are known as the Greater Keys and Lesser Keys of Solomon). Is power therefore the ultimate goal? Did Solomon allow these texts to be spread throughout his Kingdom? Or wasn’t this a secret societal knowledge that was reserved for the elite? There is also a legend that these texts were sought by and protected by the Knight’s Templar during the Holy Wars. Throughout history, known by legend, many leaders were thought to have secretly used these “keys” as a way to gain power and access control over nations, including Hitler, who was known to be obsessed with the Occult. But this type of knowledge, though fascinating, misses the point that gaining Wisdom is not accomplished by seeking power over others, but seeking power over our Egos, finding transformation within. So the antithesis of what Solomon sought was the manifestation of a system of belief that uses the control of powerful energies. While many seek to gain power, the balance of these earthly and temporary conditions cannot be taken with us. All true power in our world goes to the grave with the seeker. And the result is death just the same.

Let’s connect the dots. So, in mythologies, Wisdom stories, spread throughout the nations for many centuries, facing the Goddess (or Crone archetype) of Transformation leads to death of Ego and revelation of Wisdom. Yet taking the Wisdom of Solomon using the “keys” to unlock the control over powerful outside forces (one can equate and physically manifest the “power” behind archangel positive and demonic negative energies according to this ideology), develops a hierarchy of superiority and control over our external, worldly and temporary environments. Thus we feed the Ego rather than deconstruct it. This is one example of many that interprets "Wisdom" and "Power" together.

Other such constructs of control that also replace true Wisdom with the power of Ego, such as the tenets of national governments and religious institutions, seeking to aggrandize the powerful. Many within our societies use texts (laws, books, etc.) to gain power or seek a position within these institutions to be venerated. We manifest our gods and fuel our systems of belief so highly in these large-scale communities. We teach them to our children and promote them as “good.” We gather in churches and synagogues and mosques weekly or sometimes daily to teach and manifest what we believe in our knowledge is "right". And we celebrate our national sovereignties through Holidays and Religious practices in order to feel a part of the greater community and call it a blessing. Yet what do we actually get out of our worship of our external gods or governments? Ask yourself. Aren't these just bodies of humankind in positions of leadership? Why do we give such credence to the words spoken on the pulpit or in the congressional seat or on stage? Are they better than us since they have sought the "wisdom of power"? Are we worshipping a deity or a person? And isn't it true that we are riddled with a society that is filled with God-like complexes?

Immortality: Manifestation of Legend and the Confrontation of Death

Now we have a third confrontation of Ego to explore: The physical manifestation of anti-aging through Science. There is a billion dollar international pharmaceutical industry devoted to preventing death and anti-aging. We have medical practices that can “fight” disease, cancer, heart failure and degeneration. We have a billion dollar beauty industry that “fights” against wrinkles and grey hair and sagging skin. We invest billions in exercise and diet to “fight” aging and cellular death. Yet is it out of the fear of dying? Or can we attribute all of these transformations of sorts to an innate human experience of the desire to live forever and allow the Ego to thrive? Is the prolonging of life a necessity to permit us to remain here as long as we can? Is this a salvation for us, to be younger, stronger, more physically capable? We see television exploit the “transformation” of the human form constantly in the celebration of makeovers to worldly standards of beauty and admiration. This is not new…the Greek gods and goddesses were depicted as immortally youthful and superiorly strong. We see immortality as venerated in Sampson’s hair and the resurrections of Achilles and Osiris, all three whom are depicted as superior in looks and strength.

All of these ideologies explored to this point in the pursuit of seeking Wisdom play off the idea that Wisdom and Immortality are connected. Don’t we all seek an immortal legend in some way, shape or form? Some within humanity use the simple act of procreation to pass down their legend—does it ever occur to us why so many who are uneducated, poor or who aren’t interested in anything but their own lives are so excellent at procreating and having many children? Aren’t we subjected to beliefs that connect childbearing with worthiness? And why is it that those of us who seek a higher knowledge, greater purpose or have more abundance are often less likely to reproduce? I am stating this internationally as an average, not as a cultural flaw but rather as an observation. For instance, the average rate of children per family is highest in Niger, Yemen, Uganda, Malawi and Afghanistan, all having an average of 7 children per household (all agriculturally-based, religious-driven and have low life expectancies--this is easily corraborated on Google). While countries that have an average of less than 2 children per household include Australia, Greece, Hungary, Austria, Germany, Luxembourg and many countries in Eastern Europe. What causes these trends? Is it survival and culture? Do we thus put our energies into our prodigies for the purpose of passing on our genes or our Egos? Moreover, what drives our obsession to seek immortality through procreation?

In our American culture, men are prone to believe they must pass down their legacy through their children. Women are told as they get older that their “clock is ticking” and they must find a suitable partner to procreate. Religions tell us to find a mate and settle down and procreate. Science has invented such techniques to meet these demands as chemical hormone balancing (birth control and fertility drugs), in vitro fertilization and other such ways to give us the bundle of joy a person so longs to have. Because of the high rate of divorce, we have an entire empire of Family Law that capitalizes on the battle to gain custody over a child, making lawyers and judges rich in the process of sorting out the pain of Ego-driven parenting. Fathers live vicariously through their children’s achievements; mothers feel obligated to create an atmosphere of home that is often driven by rivalry of others in their immediate society or community. “Look at how amazing my child is.” “Here’s what my child has done.” “They are a chip off the old block.” Aren’t these the sentiments of legacy that feed our Egos of immortality?

Facing Our Own Transformation, Mortality and Death of the Ego

I am blessed. I have experienced a lot of the aforementioned experiences of seeking Wisdom and Transformation. I have been blessed with the genetic and biological passing of myself by giving birth to three lovely and brilliant children, for whom I write these blogs. I am currently (and therefore until death by my own vow) partnered with an amazing husband with whom I am helping to raise his biological daughter as well. So I have achieved “legacy” in this way. I have been born of some privilege, understanding the positions of “superiority” both by being born in a somewhat affluent area of society, as a Caucasian woman who was raised as a Christian. I have experienced the instruction to gain higher education, attended three great colleges, and I am in the midst of continuing my higher education as a doctor and healer. I have been privileged to see many additional cultures, having traveled to seek what additional experiences I could encounter. I have been taught by so many wonderful teachers and cannot get enough knowledge—I love TED talks and spiritual literature and meetup groups with likeminded friends. I thrive from intellectual conversation. And I have found a great connection with modern science, technology and nutrition to prolong my life and brain and appearance through the blessings of these gifts of the industries of immortality. I won’t lie—I love it that my physical and mental selves has benefited from these international passions and personal pleasures.

Yet is time for me to face the Crone. I realized that now more than ever, as my entire world has been blessed with the gifts of Ego, I am ready to face my fears and manifest my journey to the Underworld to seek the Baba Yaga/Kali. I am flawed. I have demons. I have emotional walls and irrational fears and regrets and jealousies and a mountain of other skeletons in my closet that I have carefully ascended like a pile of corpses. This may sound gruesome, but it is reality. For every person of wisdom and fame we emulate, there are human secrets within us all we must chop off at the head. The gift of wisdom is this: do we choose to face these demons and wear their heads around our neck or on our fence posts or do we continue to live in fear and feed our Egos? Do we seek prestige, power, fame, acknowledgement, and praise? Or do we seek answers? Once I face these demons and slay my own Jaberwocky, I will relay to you how my journey into the Underworld is progressing.

It is time to end my suffering and live as I was meant to do as a Crone of Higher Wisdom, not to seek power, but rather to create Love. As I descend into the darkness, I feel I am truly going home. Don't take my word for it. Don't venerate my journey, seek your own. Go to the place where Kali awaits. Join me when you are ready.

“Om aim hrim klim camundayai vicche svaha."

The Smoldering Fire of Relationship Anger—Dealing with Depression, Sadness and Fear

The Battle Scars of Soul Contracts

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

My scales are shedding. I can fly high and far now. I can see the sadness and destruction among the trees and the barren lands that once were a beautiful deep forest. I connect with the species of the Earth that are now being eliminated by selfish and profit-hungry humans. I see the faces of the children in Africa and the Middle East, Asia and even in North America who are huddling in makeshift shelters and crying for lack of food. I cannot feed or care for them all. It is not within my power. It pains me and my heart sends me back to my cave to gather strength for my next flight.

As I return to my own shelter, both physically and in my mind, I am attacked by those around me! In spite of my strength, I am not strong enough to protect myself from their blows, especially their words or their actions. As I matured in my youth, I often returned from these trips of understanding to find those around me so blind to their own behaviors. I respond to their fire and claws with my own defenses, baring my teeth, screaming and returning the fire. Then I retreat to the cavern to mourn the encounter. I have spent years in my reflective, “Hermit” times collecting these memories and analyzing them for what they are: my attackers are reflections of my own Ego. Thus I must retreat and go deep within the cave and find out what I can do about my own kind.

Hurt attracts hurt. Anger fuels anger. I attracted selfishness, depression, sadness, guilt, shame, blame and fear. These are the fires I battle, the lessons I challenge. I honor my faults as a part of my scars and growing pains. I have endured many swords and arrows, licked my wounds, hid deep within the mountain, and recovered. But I will always be grateful that I can go back into these memories and see them as Soul Contracts with those I attracted. Truly, I have found that my deepest wounds, those times when I was injured the most and the cuts run deepest, were the claw marks and tears from those that I loved the most.

You may be surprised to find out that we all have Soul Contracts. If you haven’t heard of them, we can spend some quality time addressing yours if you wish. But I believe after reading this section, you will be able to recognize yours and start to heal them when you are ready. It is in our relationship contracts during this lifetime that we learn our lessons and grow into the beings we are supposed to be.

Simply put, Soul Contracts are the Soul Mate relationships that have significant meaning in our lives here on the planet, including our parents, our children and our closest loved ones, including friends, significant dating relationships and/or spouses. If you believe as I do that we are Spiritual beings here having a Physical experience on this planet, you will agree no matter what flavor of belief you adopt, we meet the ones we are closest to for a significant reason. We are here to learn and grow. We are here to fly and dive and swim and play and laugh. We are here to mourn and hurt and suffer as well. This is why we are human!

Many believe we choose our parents before we are born. This I understand to be a most important Contract because they are the most influential members of our lives early on, whether as a positive example for adulthood or as a significant challenge to outgrow and learn what not to do any longer. Regardless if you believe we were connected with any of our Soul Mates before this lifetime or not, we know that environmentally, our families play a major role in our development in all aspects of life. Most often, our parent, sibling and additional familial relationships influence our choices whether we are education-oriented, whether we pursue careers or are complacent in a workplace job, and where we worship our Creator or if we choose to believe in one at all.

Once we are in our Sacred Initiation, our choices for friends, our mentors and teachers, and our activities and goals are influenced by additional, long-term Soul Mates. Often, we make our life plans based on our peers, our dating relationships and how we choose to leave the proverbial nest. We often choose formative Soul Mates in our post-high-school years as well, both as potential long-term partners and long-term friends. I have seen a pattern sociologically that the majority of adults stay in touch with their very closest friends in high school and college specifically and then they choose to loosely connect with acquaintances from other life encounters as needed or in social situations (e.g. coworkers, community members, etc.) I am more social than almost anyone I know, so thus I have hundreds of friends and acquaintances. In fact, on my social network sites, I actually know the majority of the people that I am “friends” with on those sites, other than the business acquaintances I keep on the business-related ones. I believe it is important to maintain healthy and long-term friendships.

Our deepest Soul Mate relationships are in our private, romantic connections with significant partners, spouses and lovers. The influences they have within our psychic sphere are strongest because, just like our parents, there is a strong emotional attachment to these relationships. With the exception of those who are unable to attach emotionally (whether because of a mental disability or a social phobic disorder), the majority of us crave to be in a community. The basic need to be met in our Soul Mate relationships is the need to love and be loved. We are not meant to be alone, but everyone’s idea of a partner relationship differs by sex and gender, gender preference, belief system, environmental upbringing and connectivity level.

I definitely don’t mean to come across so academic when I write about what I actually have a lot of passion discovering and teaching myself. I am truly reflective and grateful for all my Soul Mate relationships, even the most difficult. And I have learned to be who I am because of each and every one of them. Again, the Dragon self must see his or her reflection in others and actually understand or be aware of that reflection in order to learn from the experiences. I can see parts of myself in every dating partner and marriage relationship I have had—both positive and negative traits. This is so important for me to be able to relate all my experiences in my coaching, training and student development as well. But this also has given me a humble perspective on my own behavior and how to set strong boundaries with others in order to respect and love myself as the Creation of the Universe that I am. I may have reflections, but I am my own being. All of us are unique. It is the beauty of the dance of humanity.

Relationships—the Catalyst for Pain and Drama

A majority of my psychological and sociological studies have involved the ideas of archetypes. This is both a Jungian-based academic concept and a sociologically patterned Spiritual concept to me. Archetypal studies and understanding these patterns gives me the basis in which I can become a character/persona of depth and meaning. Archetypes, simply put, are behaviors that are categorized and build a specific personality type. Every human role is an Archetype, from the Hero to the Magician to the Bully and to the Slave. To become a great actress, one must be prepared for a life of tragedy and sadness. This is somewhat a prerequisite to become the best of the best in both storytelling and in performance. How can one become a true lover, a mother, or a divorcee if one hasn’t been through those archetypes as I have? My life has been given the mosaic path of constant pain and drama of these Soul Mate partnerships to teach me my soul’s strength and life’s passion. I can’t have the perspective of gratefulness without the horrors of remorse and regret. With all my extreme experiences, I am just so glad I survived!

I wasn’t always a psychologically-aware individual. And even now, I can’t say my relationships have shown that I am actually a “healthy” woman or not. You see, most of my attractions and Soul Mate relationships have been tragic, destructive and explosive in some way, leaving the debris of broken dreams and severed family connections, either with my partner’s family or within my own. Add a healthy dose of “dysfunctional,” alcoholic-style behaviors on both sides of my family and the likelihood of a successful partnership was just sabotaged greatly by the attractions of others with similar family backgrounds. I heard once from a counseling friend that we can be in a room with 100 potential partners and we always attract the one unhealthy attraction over the potential 99 other more healthy relationship choices. It took dozens of these unhealthy relationships to finally see and break the attraction patterns. Starting early on, I allowed myself to become derailed from my original passions but it ultimately led me to where I am today.

Instead of reflecting deeply upon the hurt from each relationship, I can tell you that I have experienced many facets of these challenges. I will expound only upon the most challenging of all the Soul Mate relationships in my life. In 1999, I lost my children in a terrible and destructive custody battle that left the three of them and my Soul scarred for life. I fought back and regained my rights as a parent after two years of preparing for the battle, experiencing great rage and an insatiable driving force to protect my children from the same destructive belief system that was imposed upon me during the marriage. My kids’ father never knew how to love anyone but himself. This was not completely his fault, as he was raised to be narcissistic, yet it carried over into our family. I was content not to be in a relationship, desiring greatly to be a doctor. Yet the day we met, I knew he was the father of my children. Thus we were meant to meet as the Soul Parents of the three wonderful beings I call my Angels.

Unfortunately, this Soul Mate relationship ended worse than you can imagine. Those individuals, such as my ex and his family, who can never admit they are wrong and find that in order to support their own ideologies, they must find someone to hate and blame. I have even recently known of this continued anger and abuse by this family because they systematically and illegally kept my two younger children from having any contact with me. My ex-in-laws are the principle offenders, perpetuating a cycle of fear and hatred they started in order to control those around them. And they do it in the name of their god Jesus. But this too is a Contract I have faced. Unlike them, I am saddened by their inability to break free from the pattern and I am even more saddened that it has now poisoned my own children. Yet truth be told, we all have the ability to break free from these scenarios, often at a great price. I will explain further in another chapter, but those scars they inflicted upon me and my family run very deep. I am truly and humbly grateful for my own path, which allowed me freedom from such fear-based ideology and from the pride that comes from being stuck in such a terrible and infective dogma.

I also dealt with physical and emotional abuse from a partner who was bi-polar shortly after the divorce. I attracted this partner because of my self-loathing after such a traumatic event. With all the lies that the family aforementioned spread about me, I truly degraded myself and my worth. Now I realize it was a symptom to a greater problem and I am free from the degradation. Between the allowance of this relationship and the one with the kids’ father, I am amazed I am not vengeful or bitter. I am grateful for being able to let go what is not my battle. I lost my path and my way home during those times because of anger’s stronghold on my drive to fight for a better life and to battle abuse and control. I have experienced numbness and great loss. I have a deep and unending love for my children that will never die. And in spite of my true closeness to my oldest daughter who lives near me, my other two children are not allowed to know of this unconditional love I have for them and always had. And at the time, I was truly not able to express these emotions to them because I was so caught up in the sadness of the situation. Once the abusive and controlling relationships were broken, however, I was able to find new paths and new happiness.

I have been truly in love. I believe out of all the Soul Mate relationships I can honestly say that it happened only three times so far, and because of the controlling nature of the aforementioned Soul Mate relationships, I didn’t truly love either of them. Infatuation is not love. Placing one’s self in a position above or below another person is infatuation. True Love between Soul Mates is that connection from the Higher Self that leads two Soul Mates to connect on a Spiritual and Equal Level. I mean the kind of love that binds you and holds you together in a permanent connection with the other person. Soul Contracts are not all truly loving ones, but those that give us True Love are meant to change us as well.

I truly fell in love for the first time when I returned to Colorado from a year in Spain. I was in a short-lived relationship and ended up at a resort area. I met this love when we worked together at a hotel. We lived together almost right away, and it was always loving and generous and mutual, for almost two years. When it ended, it took years of sadness and remorse because he was unable to break free from his first Soul Mate contract with his children’s mother—I thought we would be married, but he was not allowed to make that commitment to me. I felt as if I lost my best friend. I had to let him go and it was one of the hardest experiences I have ever encountered, especially because it came suddenly. To this day, I still hear from him occasionally. I became a better person because of him. And he was the one that healed my heart from all the pain of the divorce and the separation I felt away from my children. To him, I will always be grateful.

The second of my deepest Soul Contracts was the tragic suicide of my partner (aforementioned in other chapters), bound together like Heathcliffe to Catherine, and tragically he was unable to let me go. I truly felt there was a Soul Connection, even though he was dishonest, unfaithful the entire relationship by committing to many other women, and he had no true love for anyone left when he took his own life. It started as an infatuation on both of our parts, and once he was on a spiral of self-destruction and gave up all the other women, I finally felt true love for him for the first time. But in spite of my deep love, my role was as a Rescuer and his was as a Saboteur, the destroyer of both my life and his. However, this was the Contract that broke the Pattern of unhealthy, controlling relationships. Once I realized he was not meant for me, I could actually see who he truly was as a human being and I felt all the love of the Universe for him. That being said, I truly understand the loss of someone close to such a tragedy and can be there for others who are and have gone through the same. And I am more than relieved that any of my own self-deprecation Archetypes (Victim, Martyr, or Damsel) had all been confronted and I broke through those patterns as well.

Then a strange occurrence happened last year at this time. I had spent years asking the Universe for a Soul Mate that was kind, that would share complimentary interests, and genuine. The day after I discovered my ex had taken his life, I went away for a weekend and met the man I truly can now say with whom I am on the right path. I desire this relationship to be a deep and long-term love. We are not perfect. I have had a fantasy idea of what I wanted and realized I actually have everything I truly need right now with him. We have been travelling extensively and now that we are settled for a short time, we can spend the time together to find out if this love will be true and genuine. I truly feel in my heart that I was finally given the opportunity to find that Soul Mate relationship with whom I can connect to the Divine. Finally, after years of attracting control to my independence, I am finding a balance and a calm and loving partner with whom I can see myself and I am so grateful.

Soul Mates, Stereotypes and the Impact of Change

Soul Mates are the reflection or complement to these Archetype selves in the Mirror of another Soul. As I have alluded to above, if we are a Victim, they are either a Bully or a Manipulator or something we attract so we remain a Victim until we are ready to change. But if we are a Shaman or a Healer, we attract a Student, a Seeker, or on the opposite side, an Addict or a Martyr. The Liberator attracts the Slave. The Artist attracts the Muse. It all depends what we have set up for ourselves in our own world. Many believe we set these Soul Contracts before we are born—thus we choose our relatives, our mates, our challenges, our teachers and our children. In my studies and my meditations and channeling, I have found that these ideas resonate with me, but they may not with everyone. It is each of our life path’s responsibility to uncover the mystery of what we believe and why. And we ask our Guides to let us know the truth.

No matter what that Truth may be to you, do not limit yourself to believe that one group has the market on such a Truth. It is in the connection of humanity itself, in the love and community and not in the separation, that you will find such a Truth. So when you look at your Soul Mates, present and past, family or partner or friend, look in the mirror and see yourself in their eyes. All humanity has the same ability to get beyond the faith of their parents and find the truths for themselves. Then that Soul Mate relationship that troubled you for so many years will actually be healed.

I have been so fortunate to have made some amazing friends and have reconnected with so many people after all these years. As I have expounded upon these changes in my life, I find it so refreshing that the karma we build early on can be the saving grace of one’s rebirth. In this lifetime, I have created many of these archetypal characters of myself. I have been given many of these Archetypes just by the connections, environment and relationships I have had. Like a diamond with many brilliant facets, these faces are all different sides of the same stone. I have experienced the Archetypes of the Curious Child, the Evangelist, the Samaritan, the Femme Fatale, the Saint, the Martyr, the Eternal Mother and the Sage all in one short lifetime. I have also been given many titles that correspond with my life’s work, including Teacher, Mother, Leader, Advocate, Actor, Visionary, Mentor, and Friend. I am truly blessed to have been through such pain, so many transitions, and yet in spite of myself, I have become the woman I was meant to be all along.

Archetypes vs. Stereotypes

Now, if you look at your own life, you may be reading these chapters and either feeling grateful that your life has been so much less eventful, or you may be mortified at my attractions or what I have been through. I have one word of advice for all readers and all friends and family: Judgment of another’s character and experiences is a limitation to one’s true understanding of one’s own Journey. Let me explain a little. You see, if we choose to create a judgment or a stereotype for someone we know, and then we label that person as being only that stereotype. But we know that all humans are much more than just one archetypal persona, so how can one be just one stereotype?

Here’s the difference: A stereotype separates us from others by lumping all characteristics into one archetypal persona. Archetypes are multi-faceted, with many positive and negative traits. A stereotype is usually a negatively connotative and shallow label that is created by a lower-minded ideology. An archetype can actually cross all stereotypes. But a stereotype limits the inclusion of most archetypes to its definition. For future reference, I can include a list of all known psychological archetypes in my appendices, but for now, just know that there are hundreds of facets to choose from regarding the archetypal patterns. Archetypes, after all, are traits common but specifically found in one individual as a part of their personality makeup. However, stereotypes are common references to a group, race, gender or living environment.

Most of you probably feel I was oversimplifying something you already know. This may be true. But these ideas are a lot more convoluted than they appear. In acting, I discovered early on that a stereotype for a role is only a blanket covering of the role. Remember, most playwrights and screenplay authors alike develop story arcs and characters that confront each other in some way. We have a Hero or Heroine who is chosen by the gods to be a leader and warrior. We then have a protagonist, an arch-nemesis if you will, whose goal is to harm or challenge the Hero in some way. Almost always there is a Sage or Wise Person who comes in to lead the Hero into a higher purpose. And it is always enjoyable to watch in a journey when the Hero encounters his or her Lover. Finally, there’s always a second level to a truly classic writing when there is a Comedian or Trickster thrown in for comic relief and to teach a lesson. The Jester or Fool is still by far my favorite character to write and to play. Each of these Archetypes can be a part of your own life and journey if you find them.

No matter how you find and recognize personas, they are there in front of us to teach us to change. We can often learn to be a stronger character by emulating those characters found in literature. However, the majority of the best writers and entertainers of our time have experienced these relationships as well. I challenge you to write down everyone you know who is in your circle or used to be. I recommend you write as many Archetypes next to their name as possible and see if you see a reflection, an Archetype you also possess, in the other person.

Now go into yourself and find out where you are hiding your depression, sadness, anger or fear. Why do you have these feelings? Are they specifically related to another person, especially to one of your Soul Mates? Do you have an anger that won’t go away and you can’t pinpoint where it is coming from? Do you suffer from depression or anxiety related illnesses? What or whom are you afraid of? Write down all of these answers as well and match your lower-minded feelings with those who caused you somehow to feel this way.

Finally, you are going to take all those traits and see them in yourself. Who saw any of these traits in you? Can you pinpoint why? Who in your life would you consider a Soul Mate? Can you actually identify the Contract you have to learn with this person? Is there a challenge or conflict associated with a Soul Mate? Are there stereotypes that caused these confrontations such as religion, race or age? And do you see every person you consider a Soul Mate to be a mirror of who you are? These exercises will help you identify where you need to grow, what you need to confront, and how you truly feel about yourself and others. If you need additional help going through this exercise, feel free to contact me or attend one of our classes about this center-based discovery.

Depression, Anxiety and Fear – Emotional Battle Scars that Stunt Our Higher Purpose

Do you have any scars? What do they look like to you? Are yours deep wounds or superficial cuts that need some TLC? Where do you want to fly next to find out if you are ready to confront or challenge your next Soul Mate? Are there any Soul Contracts you have or are in the midst of fulfilling that are painful or cause you to withdraw or retreat? Do you still have conflict with a parent or a sibling? And what do you choose to do when you are confronted with these conflicts?

I have had long fits of depression and anxiety. Anyone who has to fight for their own children does, no matter which side of the battle you are on. Those that control and abuse cannot actually become happy or find happiness because they will always be unfulfilled by the longing to control the other partner. Those that are victims of control will too never find happiness because they cannot release themselves from their victimhood long enough to be whole and complete without the oppression. I have been in the latter role several times, thus the Soul Contract pattern I had to break, first with my mother, then with my partners as described above. I too have gaping scars and sometimes painful sores that are reopened with the arrows of anger and hatred.

But depression, anxiety and fear are only mechanisms that hold one back from growth. In a recent lecture I attended from the world renowned Dr. John DeMartini, I had a revelation that led back to my first discovery of his material and those of my other mentors (both alive and long since passed). I realized that I have been right all along knowing that the past bouts of depression and anxiety were fantasies: they are nothing more than my expectation to be attached to the outcome of a situation. Yes, as a wonderful mother who lived my entire life for my children, I had my highest priority on their health and well-being, but did not have the capability and means of acting out these priorities because I was controlled and subjugated by my husband, his money and his family.

At the time, during the divorce, I attempted to take my own life. And when I awoke to realize that I was not truly the horrible person they wanted everyone to believe I had become (because I started rebelling against the inappropriate behaviors), I knew it wasn’t truly all my doing and definitely it was not all my fault. Promises were made to me during the matrimony that were not honored and most of them just flatly refused—many of them were fantasies because he was incapable of keeping these promises, such as equality and allowing me to be independent and have my own career. He was not able to live this way, but it was a lie going into the marriage that I did not foresee.

Also, I was a passionate artist, writer, actor and singer. These talents were actually neglected and I was “told” I was not to continue them. In fact, at one point right before the divorce, he turned off my phone, sold my car and cut off my computer access to the outside world. These acts are considered abusive by any belief and law. However, they are also reflections of a controlling system that wanted me to be the fantasy as well, to be “content” to be stifled and stay at home to do nothing but raise children and not let anyone else know of my anger and sadness at the failure of the marriage. To admit that one is wrong then would allow one the freedom to allow change in order to grow. I will whole heartedly admit I made a poor judgment and chose to marry the wrong partner. He was the Soul Mate father of my children, but our relationship was never meant to last under these false pretenses.

Do not be misguided by my words. If you chose to give up part of yourself in order to be content in a marriage, then you have chosen to change your priorities accordingly. My fantasy was that I had no intention of giving up my career plans or my acting and artistic passions, but was expected to do so and actually told to do so by my mother-in-law at the time, who actually controlled much of our marriage. Do not feel horrible about my history—I chose to be a Victim and a Damsel in this lifetime in order to break free from this role. I wanted nothing more than independence and was faced with the true challenge of being a Slave. It is an important part of our growth to wake up and be aware of this pattern.

You Have A Choice—Let It Go

Yet I can see that millions of people today still remain in these roles and these dogmas. I know women who convert to Christianity or Islam in order to please their idea of a God and a spouse, only to find themselves trapped in these situations. In the movie “Not Without My Daughter” the main character also faces this when she is trapped and kidnapped and taken far away from her family and to a Muslim country where she was not able to leave and return to the U.S. with her child. She eventually found a way. In my case, I had to leave the family without my children and fight to have them again, only to continue to be painted as the “bad guy” so they can justify what is still happening.

I know other women who don’t survive these scenarios. I met many of them in my lifetime. However once I met one of the strongest women I have ever known, Wendy Titelman, who lost custody to her husband who was molesting her children. To this day, she hasn’t seen her children since they were babies. And this was here in the U.S. Her case has gone to the Supreme Court, but the outcome has not been a victory. Hopefully, one day her children will too find out how much their mother sacrificed to fight for them.

I have every right to be angry. So does Wendy. So do my friends throughout the World, men and women, who have to challenge a domineering and unfair system. But the only True Freedom is that given to us when we realize we are all part of the Collective Consciousness. We all accept these battles, these scars, and these tragedies. Losing a child to drugs, alcohol or suicide cannot be any less tragic than one lost to divorce or religious oppression. Losing a parent or a spouse or a sibling to a needless accident, disease or war is horrible. Yet we all feel the pain together. How can we alter these relationships? We can’t. We can only alter the one part of us that is the factor within the relationship: Ourselves. How do we get over the depression, sadness and fear once and for all? We accept them and then no longer allow them to control our lives.

Let go of the fantasy. Let go of what should be. We know if this was a “fair” world, these tragedies and losses would not be happening to wonderful and spiritual people. But because of these atrocities, we have wonderful and spiritual people waking up and being born every day. Do your daily part instead. Stand up for someone you see hurting. Allow yourself to grieve and recover from these scars. Love your children and your spouses for who they are, and if you cannot, let them go. And if you have it in your heart to change anything in the World, change the one thing that will open you to the next level of Consciousness: Be grateful for what you have and where you have been, for all of it, because you are the beautiful Soul that was given these gifts and challenges to make you the very unique person whom you are. I am grateful for all of you, my friends and family, who have taken the time to read this and reflect upon your own lives. Do not live in fear, for you have everything right in front of you.

Virtual Connections--An Allegory of Reality

We live in an amazing time! Think back when there were no cell phones. And when the first CD's were released. I remember where I was when I wanted to use the first hand-held video camera to make my own commercials--and now kids can pick up a camera the size of a playing card to download onto this thing called the internet to create their own webcasts! And here I am, drinking coffee and listening to the birds in the palm trees, while I type on my miniature laptop and create my own stories--and I have a way to share them with everyone though social media sites! Our high school reunions have been through the use of connections and everyone I talk to responds to me on these communities and we can even share our children growing up together through that little camera attached to my little box. And my daughter does her homework via the interactive information sites on the web. And my son can keep in touch with me. And my baby girl started her own club online--the next generation of leaders. We are doing something right. I am grateful for those pioneers who stuck their necks out repeatedly to put out a marvelous, life-changing system of codes that created these innovations for us.

Many people, however, panic at the thought of "invasion of privacy." I have heard from many that they fear what is out there because they don't want the government or whomever to interfere in their lives. This, my friends, is hogwash. First, if the US Government is so inclined through what we allowed to pass as the Patriot Act to monitor for the good of the Nation our every move, so freaking what. I want them to see what I think about what they have done or not done. Second, the more we put ourselves out there, the less likely we fear "invasion" and the more we live our lives as we should. In fact, look at it this way. Those that create those systems of control (agencies who believe it is in our best interest that we are monitored) are more afraid of their own shadow than the millions of us that are angry at the constant stream of injustices within the very nation's borders that created such an act. So why be afraid or upset? We have this technology before us to express what we truly think and feel. Nobody will have the same exact idea, we are still individuals. But we have these gifts of innovation that allow us to be as open about our joy and our children as we have the freedom of expression to share our disdain as well.

So beyond the illusions of control and fear, we have another, more pressing issue at work here. We have the illusion of constructs. The collective consciousness of everyone on this planet is connected. Now, you could have argued with me a dozen or so years ago--six degrees of separation and all that--but we now have the internet. So, even if we did not wish to evolve into a collected and globally reaching nation, we were already destined to do so. But it's in this knowledge that we must also face the other fears we constructed: we are also connected to the thousands we do not relate to and whom many hate or are afraid of being connected to: those of other countries, races, colors, ideologies and religious, many of our kind who believe they are "evil" or "satanic" in nature. I am fully aware that I too have these prejudices that were instilled in me and for which I have had to spend my lifetime ridding myself of these thoughts and constructs. I have had some tragedies in my own life and who I once thought were my "people" and my affiliations are no longer as such because of the handful of selfish, toxic people who created a negative construct for me--the "Religious Right." I have nothing but love for those who have hurt me, and I still struggle with self-righteousness because I feel sorry for them. I am not the Buddha so I am not all loving and detached! But I try.

Meanwhile, I challenge you. Think of this: what are your constructs? What do you believe? Who do you find to be different from you and to whom or what do you answer? Tell me, do you have anger or hatred to the Jihad and suicide bombers of extremist Islamic groups? Do you find you talk to your closest friends and relatives of how shallow people are in Hollywood, or how much you can't stand rap stars or the latest pop sensation? Or do you watch the news and comment how disgusting you find those people whose mugshots are shown on the evening news can be because they killed another drug dealer or raped or murdered someone?

What are you thinking? No seriously. What are the actual thoughts that go through your head every day? Let's go back to the above examples and I am going to bring all this together. (What, you can't understand what modern technology, the Patriot Act, and extremist religions have to do with you? No, I'm not smoking anything.) We are a collective, connected Creation. We are not separate from that which created us! You and I and Mohammed in Afghanistan and that yogi master in India and that child in Australia and those farmers in China and the indigenous tribes of Brazil who have not been named or recorded--WE ARE ALL CONNECTED. And now, more than ever, we can prove this--we have these articles and words and connections all on the internet! We have Google and Yahoo and MSN and the world wide web. Every place that exists on this planet and thousands that we see outside our universe are written about, photographed and recorded through this macrosystem of ones and zeros that translates itself into thousands of languages and megapixels and finds its way into our personal space on the web. The true web of life is virtually streamed into your consciousness! Isn't that amazing??

So many who have come before us in fear, who impose rules and regulations and Acts to impose order or to try and limit freedom cannot do so. The Chinese government may not want its constituents receiving information freely. But it's still out there to find. Even the "bad" stuff, like pornography and American violence in cinema, is still a part of the greater whole on the internet. We allow the American press agencies to show us how bad the world is when a major disaster strikes. We allow forums like meetup.com and craigslist.org to connect us when we need something. We allow music to flow freely and movies to be downloaded. And we can even watch our favorite television programs, sometimes for a price. We capitalize on wholesale-retail commerce through website constructs that sell everything from cars to clothing to pieces of land. And we communicate to one another.

This comes to my final point thus far: so what do you do with this information? If your conscious mind is connected to criminals, extremists, prejudices, governments, and all other sorts of corruptions, how do you manage your thoughts, what you do and with whom you connect? According to the comprehensive yet considerably subjective site called Wikipedia, "Collective consciousness refers to the shared beliefs and moral attitudes which operate as a unifying force within society." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collective_consciousness). Have you heard of the terminology "memes"? A meme is suppose to be a quantifiable unit of information that is passed from one being to another which in turn affects the receiver's genetic code. This is an amazing concept. If we are affected by our input, and we evolve accordingly (emotional development is a symptom to this collected information being downloaded onto our brainwaves-hard drive), then it is also our responsibility to affect those around us in kind.

What am I saying? I am pointing out that it is all of our responsibility to go back to basics and learn what it takes to create a greater society: Do unto others as you would have done to you. One statement that affects us all. How do we do that? We have to re-think our thoughts! We must rewire our brains. We need to take a step outside ourselves (not literally unless you have the awareness to do so) and see what we are inputting and outputting each day. If everyone of us that does this teaches others to do so, we have affected those by one degree. If we put it out for those who we have affected to teach the next generation, or their friends, and so forth, we can affect two degrees or three degrees and so on. I write this today because I am fully aware that I can send this message to many who will affect even further, from my friends who are missionaries (hello to all those from Wheaton!) to those who are professors and scientists, to those who live in the US under that very same Patriot Act, to those who I know throughout the world who I have met along the way who I share a common forum and chat through Facebook and other social forums.

I have recently become an ordained minister of sorts. SO now I have a new forum and also even a minimal elevation of responsibility to enhance my own existing network so I may give freely the gifts of gratefulness and true love and compassion to all who come into contact with me. So you want to know my thoughts? They are thus: I truly love everyone as I love myself. And my experience on this planet we call Earth will be one of creating a light that will affect MY world and those around me because I am truly grateful we are all connected. As for the destroyers of this world, I see you too. And so does everyone else. So we will have to embrace that part of ourself that is destructive, learn to love it, and evolve. So we can change as a Collective.

Anyone want to come over for a cup of coffee and listen to the birds with me?

Chapter 4: Relationships---People Pressure and the Gift of Discernment

Once you begin to familiarize yourself with the worlds of love that benefit your environment—your agape (your being, doing, wants, needs and desires), you will begin to see that there are objects, experiences and paths you don’t need! This is a great revelation for those who are bombarded with peer pressure or feel compelled to act or look like what we are “told” is successful or beautiful or popular. People will begin to see that your inner being is reflecting more and you will notice others around you that want to know what you have been doing that makes you so, well, different.

The truth is once you start looking at everything you are given as a gift—your family, your friends, your city, your body, your situation—you will desire to be centered more and more. You will be blessed with more and more abundance of gifts because the Universe responds to your gratefulness as a reflection of the receiving of gifts. Going back to the example of the visualization: Do you really desire that which you visualized? Do you need that cell phone (whatever object you chose)? Is it important to you for the right reason (your beliefs)? And can you look upon it objectively as just that—an experience for this lifetime?

Let me explain a little more before I am ready to explore another “world.” You may ask, “Why would I receive more blessings by being more grateful?” Well, the Universe sees everything as a gift! The “good” and the “bad” are gifts we receive regardless of their initial origin. Okay, bear with me. IF we have thoughts that go out to the Universe/Collective Consciousness that are constantly “negative” in nature by definition, we will receive what we send out. It’s like a radio system that allows us to gauge the outcome of our thoughts, whether or not we are aware of it, that allows us to receive what we believe we deserve!! Is this starting to make sense?

If we believe we deserve what the world around us gives us, we cannot change the outcome of our thoughts which then give us what we have sent out. Therefore if we constantly think upon the negative of the Universe—disasters, accidents, and our fears of death—we create those realms around us. NOW I am not saying we subconsciously want cancer or a terminal illness, but these too are given to us as part of our life experience! It’s a weird concept, I know, but it’s true.

Now, being grateful for everything, including disasters and illnesses, then allows the Universe to give us the experiences and needs we desire by returning higher vibrations. We find disasters heart-wrenching and we are saddened by the loss of human lives, especially if they are around us or we are directly impacted by them. But after the sadness dissipates, what can we find grateful about those experiences? Maybe that we are alive!! Or that they are not suffering from illness or poverty or anything that physically challenged them. Or that the loss creates awareness of our own humanity (this will definitely be explored later).

We desire what we need. And we think about these needs. Our needs may be elemental like housing and food and shelter, but they can be more in depth such as recovering from a loss and safe travel and passage. They can also be the higher thoughts that can help a child that is raised impoverished to achieve their goals—they are focused more on the outcome and whatever it takes by the gifts of the challenges of their environment.

So again, I challenge you to look within. What do you think? What is going through your head? Do you sit and watch the news and find yourself miserable in your daily life? Or do you find outlets to learn that create a more pleasant environment? Remember I talked about agape love? What is your environment like?

People Are Strange—Creating our Own Worlds in the Company of Others

In this chapter, I want to explore philia love – the relationships we have with other souls who connect us together with our world. You love those who are around you for different reasons. You love your parents (possibly), or siblings, or friends, or spouse, or coworkers, or the guy who serves you coffee in the mornings, as a way of reflecting your own love for humanity. It’s the construct of the human “family” that gives you that kind of love. We are all created to look, sound, and breathe alike. I mean, yes, we may not understand each other exactly (some people speak other languages, others have a different physical appearance), but we all are born, live and die. Right?

Interestingly, our thoughts internally are also fed and nurtured by our relationships with others around us. For instance, we may spend an hour everyday meditating, focusing on our dreams, imagining a beautiful world around us. But as soon as the meditation and quiet time is over, we enter the real world and spend the other 16 hours or so in the day with other people awake. Then if we are lucky, we can focus our minds in our dreams on those pleasant experiences we want to manifest unconsciously. But that is not always something we can remember.

So how do we see and react to those around us? Who is closest to you in your inner circle? Do you have intimate relationships with others, such as parents, children, or partners, who are a positive reflection of you, who tell you the good and the bad, and who can nurture your dreams and growth? This is all too often not a reality. It is usually those closest to us that are the most challenging to our growth.

Let’s dispel a major obstacle to this kind of relationship love: prejudice. We are taught to create a barrier between us and “them”. Do you have a “them” from whom you learned to be separate? Again, this goes back to your thoughts. Dig deep. Or maybe just look at the surface of those around you. What color is your skin? What color do you “see” yourself? This is not rocket science. Your eyes tell you that your skin is the shade you see it. Right? Now, what do you see around you with your closest relationships? What do you feel about the color of the skin of those around you?? Do you have any prejudices? Do you think to yourself, “those people are not related to me because they have a different skin color.” If so, we need to work on this before we move on.

More Than Skin Deep – Going Further Within

Now, seeing that those around us are the most challenging most often, did anyone in your family or your life teach you that we are different because of skin color? Okay, if that’s the case, then that’s where you start to peel away the layers of thought. Radical idea number one: Nobody is different because of skin color. That is a learned social construct, and it is not real. It is only as real as we make it out to be. We may not “relate” to someone because our parents, friends and family tell us that those of another “color” act or think differently from us. But do they really? I mean, don’t they too worry about what others think of them? Don’t they too have parents and siblings and friends? Don’t they too face challenges because of their personal experiences. Of course they do. So what separates us by color is only based on a system of irrational fear and false teachings.

The first time I experienced a truly racist experience was in high school. We used to travel a lot with our acting competitions, called Speech Teams, throughout the Chicago area. I remember the reactions of my teammates going into predominantly racially differing neighborhoods and the false elicitations of fear. Once we traveled to a high school that had locks on the doors and metal detectors at the entrances. This was because there were gang problems within their city’s social systems. We never truly understood the challenge by analyzing our own reactions. All we knew was that they lived in a “different” world because they had to deal with local violence and prevention, whereas we did not have those challenges in our school.

Yet, the immediate association was that it was because they were African-Americans living in an inner city school system. Wow. How do we go from metal detectors and violence to skin color? We are taught this. So that is how we reacted—associating the two together. I can’t recall an exact comment from anyone on the team, I just remember the sentiments of uneasiness caused by the entranceway of the school.

Does this mean all African-American schools have that kind of violence because they are a violent group of people? Heck no! But we have to deal with the media’s idea of African-based countries and the violence and terrorism that is caused by the social constructs of some, not all, of these environmental systems. We see what has happened to dictatorships in Africa, the destruction to Haiti (most recently with the series of earthquakes that has changed their nation completely), the gang violence in major cities in our country, and the poverty that is associated within these communities.

But this has nothing to do with skin color. It has to do with hundreds of years of being told that skin color mattered that created systems of imbalance, like apartheid in South Africa and European-based dominance and slavery. These conditions exist. Yes. But does that mean that all babies born with brown or black-hued skin are violent? No way!! So why do we as a nation “label” and treat people differently?

How about you? Using more than just that example, how do you see people around you with different colored skin? Do you look upon them as equals? Or do you see that maybe your life lessons are not much different than theirs? Do you think that on this gigantic planet we call Earth that there may be people that have a different language or country or skin color that are more loving, more caring and more attentive to their compassionate, giving self than you? Of course there are. And does it not occur to you that maybe they have it better off because of whatever their situation because then they are given tools that we may not have in their society to learn to love fully?

One Big Happy Family – Learning to Love the World We Live In

Let’s step outside ourselves and our family for a moment. Evaluate your immediate surroundings. Take our your notebook. Write down your closest relationships. Include everyone you experience or have experienced in your lifetime thus far that has been close to you (remember, include those who are no longer with us):

• Parents. The obvious first relationship you had was with your parents. It may have or have not been one or both biological beings that created you. It may include a step-parent, a grandparent, or a guardian who raised you. Write them all down.
• Siblings. Write down everyone that you include as a sibling, biological, by marriage, or somehow connected to you through a parental figure.
• Immediate Family. Include grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and all relatives as far out as you can go. List everyone you know influences you from your family tree.
• First Friends. Who are the closest friends you had in your life? Think of who you talk to on your social networks. But also remember those who you grew up with in your neighborhood environment.
• Teachers, Mentors and Leaders. Do you remember all your grade school teachers? Can you remember who taught you music, art, or coached your little league team? Do you have a memory of your family’s religious leaders (pastors, priests, rabbis, and so on). Or your parents’ friends and the neighbor kids’ parents?
• Associates, Coworkers, and Classmates. Who were closest to you in your early years growing up? Who did you hang out with, and who did you have to see on a regular basis? What clubs, sports, activities were you in? And how well did you get to know them? Do you remember that one person from summer camp or from the playground? Do you have a memory of that family that lived down the street, or the classmates who were with you throughout your life in school?
• Societal Members. And finally, take a look at those in your community, now and before, who had some kind of impact on you for some reason.

Once you have written down all those you can remember (if you are like me, there will be dozens of names to recollect), you can start by taking a few at a time, or working through until you have them all down. Now, write next to each name all the physical characteristics you know about them--height, weight, ethnicity, appearance. Write down your first thought about that person. You don’t have to go into much detail, but now finally write an emotion you have about them.

This is going to be your relationship guide. This is how you associate yourself with other people. Once you finish a simple list, go back and read every word you wrote. Here’s what I want you to do:

1. Physical appearance is a non-judgmental characteristic. It is a given—they were born into this particular appearance. Therefore this is not going to influence how you look at them unless you see a difference in them that causes you to think of them as “different”. For instance, if they were in a wheelchair, you would look at them as “handicapped” physically in some way, but do you see them as more or less fortunate than you?

2. Take a look at your emotional response to each individual you listed. Why did you write that particular word? Or why did you use that particular description? This is thus what YOU see in them and in the world. NOT who they may be.

3. Now the fun part begins: Take each name, and each one’s characteristics and emotions, and find ONE thing per person you see in them when you knew them that is the same as something about YOU. This is the mirror from which I want to see all your relationships as we progress throughout these chapters. How do you see them in relationship to yourself?

Here are some good examples:

Mother – physical appearance is obviously like me since it is related to me biologically. Socially, she is very outgoing and talkative like me. Emotionally, I find she is different because she likes to talk about other people often to others, which is a source of major contention between us. Do I find I do that? Sometimes. But do I mean it to be mean? Not really. Thus, should I be careful about what I say to other people about those closest to me. This is a resounding yes.

Son – looks just like my family, like me and my brothers especially. Shy and reflective. Dry sense of humor. Loving. But also sometimes gets angry at injustices and loses his temper. Do I do that too? Of course I do. Do I let it get at me? Yes. And do I sometimes say things out loud that may be hurtful when I feel wronged? Well…where do you think he got that from?

Best friend in high school – Very talented, beautiful voice, loving, great mom, adoring wife, amazing as a spiritual leader. When we spent time together in the younger years, she was very insecure with her relationships with men before she was married. It was a direct reflection of what I too experienced. Our methodologies were different, but we were the same type of woman—physically attractive women with insecurities within ourselves that limited us intimately. She was able to overcome this within her marriage. I was not. But I remembered what I learned from her—how to stand up for myself and not be a “door mat” in relationships with men. But it worked within my social construct for a time, but I eventually outgrew the paradigm of a submissive wife. It didn’t work for me.

Cousin – Compassionate to me as an adult when my children and I were homeless and needed a place to stay. But angry and reactive to her own children, and unable to relate to mine. Jealousy and a negative reaction to me caused us not to talk any longer. Do I still love her? Yes. Do I have negative feelings of that summer? Not really, but I do feel bad that she felt let down by what she thought I was and was not doing—it took me a long time to find a good job and I felt I was not able to pay her and her husband back for their generosity. My kids were affected by her reaction to her own children, which came across as angry and negative. But in the end, we both felt wronged in some way. Do I want to hear from her again? Most definitely. And I always think the best about her and her family.

Most difficult boss – I worked for a man once who had all the money you could ask for but was never happy. This sounds like an allegory but I guarantee he does exist. He had a beautiful and famous wife, two intelligent and creative children, and a multi-million dollar home within which I worked. Was I a great employee? Not always. But did I learn from him anything? Yes. I learned I would never marry an unhappy person again, I would never yell at my children and treat them disrespectfully. But mostly I learned that a shrewd business man can run a really tight ship and still never have what he truly wants: joy in his life. Why strive for monetary success if you have to belittle others to get it? Does it make me question my decision to work for him? No, it was one of my lessons. Was I happy that time in my life? Not really, so I attracted the same type of unhappiness—appeared on the outside as altogether, but inside he must have felt as empty as I did.

I could go on and come up with hundreds of examples. I have lived a fully experienced life when it comes to relationships. I have met the poorest people on Earth who are surrounded by love and contentment because of their family. And I have met the wealthiest and most miserable people that I could ever know. I met movie stars who were really humble and had nice families. I met drug dealers who really only cared about their children and thus created that lifestyle out of necessity. I have met religious leaders who beat their children. And I have met talented artists who hate being exploited in the press. And yet I still encounter the hurt and the downtrodden. What am I learning from them?