The Consuming Fire of Spirit - The Dragon Who Breathes the Fire of Life

“If you ignore the dragon, it will eat you. If you try to confront the dragon it will overpower you. If you ride the dragon, you will take advantage of its might and power.”

— Chinese Proverb (1)

In Chinese and Japanese lore, the goddess Kuan Yin is representative of the Divine Feminine. She is the female Bodhisattva of the Buddha. She is also the goddess of the sea. She represents the power of all that is the feminine in our lives, including emotion, healing, romantic passion, depth of wisdom and birth to life. As the Eternal Mother, Kuan Yin is often depicted holding a child in her arms, much like our other feminine deities, including the Mother Mary, Isis, Hera, Demeter, and of course Gaia, who is often shown as a pregnant deity holding the world in her belly.

What is different about Kuan Yin is that she is the representation of light and compassion, dressed in white, flowing robes and crowned with a veil, much like the halos over all of the divine beings in all beliefs. She is also kin to Shakti, Pavarti and Sita, the highest maternal goddesses of the Hindu pantheon and special wives to the gods. In the study of the Ascended Masters, Kuan Yin as the Mother of Compassion is known as “she who harkens to the cries of the world.” (2)

What is significant about her character is that she is the original “mother of dragons” (which is an excellent use of character depicted on the famous book and television series, Game of Thrones). Kuan Yin is often depicted in art riding on the back of a sea dragon that rides through ocean waves. She calmly surfs the dragon, which represents raw potentiality, terrifying transformation and death of human negativity and evil. The waves represent the overwhelming emotions of grief, loss, pain, renewal and release. As life gives us its storms of fear, we call upon Kuan Yin for her compassion to overcome the challenges we face before we drown. The dichotomy of a dragon of the sea that breathes the fire of transformation within its core is what we face every day of our lives: the choice to be overcome or bury all emotion or to face the fire and ride the surf of awakening.

So with this kind of awakening being so hostile and painful, why would we want to go through it at all? Well, often as in my case, it was a necessary life process given to me, not something I particularly “asked” to experience. But I do realize that those of us that are awakened are in the positions of changing the world. We couldn't do what we do if we didn't face the fire of transformation. Dragon energy represents infinity, longevity, wisdom, the depths of the Universe, and rising from the ashes. The Phoenix is the feminine Eastern dragon of rebirth, corresponding to the masculine water dragon that we see Kuan Yin riding. Phoenix energy is pure death and rebirth—out of the ashes. This kind of transformation is even more striking to those of us that have taken it upon ourselves to face our Dragon energies.

What transforms us into Dragons who embody Spirit? Why are we different than other spirit creatures? I wouldn’t want to run into a Tiger spirit in the dark of the forest. Nor would I want to be confronted with the giant Whale spirit that dwells in the darkness of Neptune’s playgrounds. Yet Dragon spirit appears as the most lethal and difficult to master. Recently I have been asked, “How does one become a dragon?” This is not an easy, how-to manual of steps to finding one’s inner dragon. However, if we examine the characteristics that dragons possess, we can see how Dragon spirit has manifested in our own lives.

The first of Dragon’s characteristics is fire. Fire represents emotions such as anger, passion and rage. It comes from deep within, often associated with lungs and heart, the fourth chakra. Fire also is colored red, orange and yellow, tapping into the lower chakras of physical, emotional and relationship change. Around a campfire, we huddle and sing and cook and invoke sexuality. Winged insects are drawn to the flame. The candle is a fire that illuminates a space and allows us to see. So if you incorporate these elements of fire into your Dragon transformation, you are invoking the passions within you that radiate heat, light and energy into the darkness. You are also awakening the pleasures and provocations of relationships, from the depths of lust to the fury of facing one’s enemies. Fire is painful, burns flesh and purifies soul. Witches were burned at the stake because men feared their power. Dragons too have the element of invoking fear due to fire. This is the awakening of Dragon spirit.

When you face your demons, examine where your anger is focused or confront your inner passions, you are invoking Dragon spirit. When you are feared by others, you are emanating that spirit. How about when you are protecting your children or have an overwhelming sense of compassion? These too are invocations of Dragon spirit. Each has its own resonation, its own flame color, but they are all manifestations of the depth of wisdom dwelling within.

Dragon also has scales and claws and often is depicted with a vicious tail. These elements are representation of the armor of Dragon spirit. We have the ability to protect our massive hearts. We can use our scales to reflect energies of those who want to control or hurt or steal from our deep fire within. We can pierce the armor of our enemies and oppressors with our powerful claws. And we can knock over those who fear our power with the force of our tails. Invocation of Dragon spirit's armor helps you go within when you feel attacked or take the time to stalk the enemy within that is eating away at your soul. When working with Dragon spirit, remember you are not alone. It is a powerful message for those who have lost a spouse or a child. Our scales may appear to keep us from being "warm" to the outside world. But we are in this together, Dragons, and even in our solitude we have a clan of souls to draw upon in our journeys to wisdom.

More powerful yet are the teeth and jaws of Dragon. There is a saying “for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup” that is a description of how we can use our Dragon teeth to swallow our enemies and those who want to come after us with pitchforks. Fear is the Dragon’s favorite food. We eat our fear in order to transform it. The confrontation of Dragon’s fiery breath and massive teeth can make anyone tremble. So the lesson we learn by invoking the physical characteristics of Dragon is that we can become a greater presence if we fight the powers that be, invoke restorative justice, and destroy those characteristics even within ourselves that limit our potentiality, such as cowardice, the inability to see the truth and the pride of haughty individuality (i.e. narcissism). Better yet, these transformative teeth give us the sustenance to survive the explosion of ended relationships. We can eat those false expectations and bitter words that were shot like arrows into our massive scaled frames. Use those teeth to remove the arrows and swallow the darkness. Transform those experiences into the pure light of compassion--let Kuan Yin ride upon the waves of your memories.

Many dragons also have a powerful similarity in strength—either a dragon has wings or the ability to fly through water at rapid speeds. Whether your Dragon spirit soars into the Universe and astral projects around the stars or it can dive into the darkest depths of oceans and surface many continents away in record-breaking time, all Dragon spirits have power. This kind of power is exactly why others become terrified when you transform. This is gut-wrenching, heart-pounding power that makes any Halloween costume appear cheesy in comparison, no matter how dark and scary. Dragon spirit power uses all its characteristics and gifts to manifest this atomic energy into an explosion of devastating proportions. Invoking this strength of character often manifests into gentleness, so don't limit your power by creating power just for power's sake. Harness your wings and soar into higher consciousness.

This is important to know because it can also unintentionally burn those around us. Often we don’t mean to hurt our loved ones, but in a rage of Dragon fire, untamed and unchecked, we can destroy those souls that mean the most to us. Those that fear us often have a different version of a story to tell about our manifestations. On the other hand, sometimes the fear-invoking power is a way for others to blame us for their insecurities and inabilities. We must remain true to our power and harness it with wisdom to separate those explosions of rage and the true transformation of fire that burns those out of our lives that have taken a lesser path.

When you choose to take the path of the Dragon, be humbled and ask Kuan Yin for her unconditional compassion. Find ways to breathe the power of fire into your relationships, your children, your work and your passions. Make a safe place to learn about your transformation so you can heal from your scars and wound and invoke your beautiful scales to protect your heart. Breathe deep into the fire of meditation. Fly high into the realms of possibility. Use your speed and power to dive deep into the oceans of emotional healing. And when you become the Dragon spirit, look at yourself in the mirror or the water below as you fly over it and grin with those massive teeth as you prepare to swallow those fears around you. And we will all ascend to the mountaintops and into the ocean depths together. Just look for others who radiate with light. We will all come together when we are needed. Don't be afraid. Now is the time to manifest your Dragon spirit.

Quotes from the following pages:
(1) http://personaltao.com/services/school/
(2) http://www.lightascension.com/arts/Ascended%20Master.htm

A Letter to All Four of My Children: The WHY in Why I started this blog...

June 28, 2015

To my four amazing, beautiful, enlightened children,

I am so proud of all 4 of you! No matter what, you will always be my wonderful children. When you and anyone who knows us reads this letter to you, I guarantee there is no question as to the depth and the loyalty of my love and life. I know this is a traumatic time for me, for Consciense, and for my husband. Yet it is not the ending of a season as much as it is a beginning of a life path. I want you to be proud of your mother! I want the four of you to know without a doubt that no matter what, I am already the strongest woman you will ever know. I pass to you my legacy and my strength and my unconditional love, so that when that day comes that you desire to marry or partner with the mate you have chosen, each and every one of you will be supported and prepared.

I never want to see any of you suffer, but it is inevitable for one reason: love of another is the greatest source of suffering. I love each and every one of you so much that my heart bursts with pride, swells with pain when you hurt, and aches with longing to see each of you every day. If I am to die of a broken heart, it would be because one of you is hurting and needs to be comforted by your mother and I wouldn’t be there to let you cry on my shoulder. Since this is also going inevitably be the case, since I will be traveling extensively and since each of you lives in a different place on the planet, I cannot guarantee a physical shoulder for your sorrows or relief. But I can guarantee that no matter where you are, no matter where I am, I am ALWAYS with you.

I mourn over the loss of my marriage to your father, Consciense. Why I am choosing to write this letter is the same reason that I started this blog—for my children from whom I am and have been wrongly separated. I know that someday, somehow, you will see this; of course, if there is some unforeseen internet catastrophe caused by the destruction of society as we know it, then this will just be another lost letter, like the thousands of pages of journals I have lost in my past…but if there comes a day when you are old enough and wise enough to figure out how to find me and to read this, then you will know why I was so sad and why I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.

I can’t compete for the attention I so desperately needed and was given to others. I couldn’t wake him up. No matter what I said or did, no matter how I cried, or pleaded or screamed or begged, it was for naught. A year of counseling could not wake him up to my need to be the true love of his life. And his all-consuming anger with the court case left no emotional stability for us to express to one another. That combined with the stress of completing school truly zapped all of the love out of our relationship. A year of hot flashes, angry words, sad outcomes—nothing I could do would convince another path to be taken. No matter what I offered, it was discarded. So here we are.

I still believe my marriage had a chance until I went to visit you two in Virginia. I fought for our marriage. I offered many solutions. But when it boiled down to it, I was the only one fighting for it. There was no hope when he was distracted by others under the guise that his job was so much more important than his marriage. I believe the grass looks greener on the other side. That again I could not remedy if his attention was given elsewhere. Getting advice from others who didn’t really know or understand the situation was a detriment as well. And furthermore, he was already wrapped up emotionally in someone else, depriving me of the communication I so desperately desired and frankly deserved. I could not compete and refuse to do so. The day he told me he didn’t love me anymore was the day I died. Yet it was coming long before that and I was just too hopeful, too loyal to see it.

I want the four of you to understand that your WORTH is not wrapped up in how a person feels about you, but if they choose to emotionally give their time and attention to others and ignore your needs, then they have chosen to devalue your worth. I was told that my time and attention, my education and my hard work, my unconditional love meant nothing to him because I wasn’t cooking and cleaning and staying home as a housewife…the role as all of you know I never intended to fulfill for any length of time. It is a great role for the younger, more agile woman who doesn’t have half of her life gone and her potential is not to be needed in a greater capacity. Unconditional love and loyalty apparently were not enough. I felt dishonored and discarded. So he needs to find another who can fill that role and I have to move on to where my actual true value is appreciated.

There is also another major piece to this puzzle. Besides putting off my own happiness and completion of school for 25 of 29 years (four of those years I went to college), I waylaid my own accomplishments due to the nature of my destructive relationships prior to my marriage. It is my life’s mission to ensure that not one of my children falls prey to this degradation, but I am afraid all four of you are witness to those who treated me like I was not worthy of the very life I had worked so hard to finish. My dreams were always treated like they were unimportant in the eyes of my partners.

The REASON this is so important for me to share is that I am going to INSIST that all of you fulfill your own dreams first before considering partnering with another for life. It is a heavy regret I carry that I didn’t finish my mission and become a doctor. I had the grades. I had the aptitude and drive. I had the talent. It was never a matter of whether I was capable—in fact, I was on track to attend any of the best schools available. It was the partners I chose that kept me from succeeding. Narcissistic, unhealthy relationships are imbalanced. So are those that refuse to engage in acknowledging each other’s gifts. I cannot spend all my waking hours building up another person for them to completely ignore me and forget I am even in the room. You have all seen too much of that. I am worth so much more. I don’t deserve that and neither do any of you. I should have been a doctor, yes, but I will never regret having each day of having you in my life because you are my pride and joy. So when I say that NOW that I am fulfilling my dreams, so many moons later, I am doing so because I want you to see my strength and determination. I am doing this for you as much as for myself.

As far as the future is concerned, we will never know the outcome. But we do know that time has proven these things: First, I have the tenacity to complete every dream I started. I have discovered that even if it takes decades, I am still going to finish my goals. Second, my love for my husband is beyond all loves I have ever experienced, but I still cannot give up my dreams for a person that will never support them—it is a heavy heart that acknowledges that I cannot continue to be with someone who doesn’t tell me I am the most important person in his life because, honestly, I won’t settle for anything less. Third, I will always show you love of true family—that love is freely given to you four and to those who give it back in abundance. Family is not blood relative ties. Family is not conditional. Family is the true nature of true love—those who we have chosen and who have chosen us to whom we are loyally committed because they know that no matter what ever happens, we will be there for them as they are for us. So with that being said, I am always going to be Consciense’s mother as much as I am the mother to my own three beautiful children.

Fourth, my desire to be a beacon of light for the world is not some pipe dream. I walk my walk. I will not stop until I have made the impact into the world to create a greater society. And my reason for working so hard? The four of you. I want your children and grandchildren to have a better world in which to live. I won’t stand by and just talk about that world. I will continue to do something about it. It's not money that you need--it's legacy. We are not here as children of the 1% of the world's wealthiest families. So we are here to represent those in dire need, those we can help together. And from what I have been through in my life, I can offer such great gifts--hope, faith and a light at the end of a dark tunnel. We may not have a summer home, or a house of any kind for that matter at the moment, but we DO have a way to create a better society, one community at a time and with our talents together.

Finally, to make it clear, I waited for 14 years to remarry. It was not an idle decision on my part. I chose my husband because of his integrity, his loyalty and his spiritual faith. By the time I returned from my trip, apparently those qualities were sacrificed and I lost the man I thought I knew. It doesn't mean I don't hope and pray and meditate every day that he will find his footing and renew his Spiritual growth. Also, our inability to move forward together does not mean that you should not love another for fear of falling out of love. I will NOT recommend marriage because I do not recommend commitment to someone who is conditional, which is my personal experience in all my long-term commitments apparently. However, this doesn’t mean you should avoid love to avoid hurt. I whole-heartedly support true love!!!

I passionately want each of you to fall in love and find those soul mates who make you grow, who build you up and who will be there to dry your tears when you are so sad you can’t hold your head up. If you cannot find that love, I will also recommend you keep looking. You may not find another who has that kind of loyalty. You may find you have to compete with the ideologies of your partner’s parents (in my case, the source of a lot of interference and in my three older children’s case, the rationale for destroying the marriage between your father and I—he was told he would be disinherited if he did not get rid of me—his words). You may also find that your own insecurities and past experiences will get in the way, and if your partner is not understanding, you can’t work on your own self-esteem if you are busy being torn down by another or busy recovering from the rug being proverbially pulled out from underneath you.

But I WILL recommend finding yourselves. Each of you needs to find your own footing first. I will be there to help you through each step of the way if you want me to advise you. I believe that I know myself and therefore what I deserve in a relationship. Even though mine has failed, it doesn’t mean yours will. And as for having children, I wouldn’t trade any of you for the world! I will continue to work as hard as ever to fulfill my own dreams because I will be your example. I will be your guide. I will give you my strength. And I will always be there with you, even if it is only in Spirit. My love is unwavering. My heart is complete because I know I have you in my life. I will always be grateful for my past, even the challenges, and I have experienced that true, deep love that holds two souls together, so I know how that feels. I want to bless each of you and will tell you of those stories in my life so that you may learn from whom you descend. I love each of you with all my heart! You are each a blessing in my life!!

With peace and protection as your parent and your friend, your guide and your support,

Mom

The Brilliant Bird - Part 1

Once there was a bright-colored, playful, and unusually rare bird that lived in the jungle. She was a beauty but very loud, social, graceful, proud and never wanted to sit still. There were a few like her spread out throughout the forest, high in the trees. She loved to fly high above and spread her colorful wings to the world. She loved the sweet fruits from the trees where she would perch, tasting their nectar before they were too ripe and would fall to the bottom of the forest. She would bathe in the great waterfall and shake off her cold, wet feathers in the light of the Great Source. She would share her nuts and seeds with those around her, gathering her children to share stories. And she would fly far and wide to peer in on the lives of so many other creatures with whom she befriended. She shared stories of her ancestors, perching on the ancient ruins of the two-leggeds who lived in the forests. She would see the flames of those who still lived deep within, whose days were spent gathering fish in streams and whose nights are spent with those in their families. She was always curious, keeping watch and wondering, what would it be like to be among the two-leggeds?

Then one day, she ventured out. She decided to see what was beyond the basin of the safety of the forest. She happened upon a city where there were these two-leggeds were crowded and fast and dressed in funny things, not like those of the forest. She was fascinated. She spent many days searching beyond the canopy. She found noise and crowds and strange, exotic smells. She found these strange creatures with humming sounds that ran along the city floor with the two-legged creatures inside. They made loud noises when they crowded together and the two-leggeds would emerge their heads out and shout at one another. There were the smells of other creatures being burned. There were these strange, tall square places, not at all like trees, where two-leggeds would emerge and disappear within. She would land on all kinds of tall places that had no covering. And she would occasionally grab the attention of a two-legged who would point to her and shout.

On one such occasion, where her curiosity got the best of her, she ventured too close to one of the two-leggeds and she was caught! He put her inside a small box and took her inside his square dwelling place. She was terrified! Cowering, her heart pounding, she waiting for what seemed forever in the small space where she was kept. Eventually the two-legged began to speak to her and she came out of hiding to investigate. What an odd creature! It was her bravery or stupidity that made her lash out at first, pecking as hard as she could to get away. But eventually her manner subsided and she became comfortable with the two-legged. But she wanted out!

Several cycles of the light went by. The two-legged gave her seed and water. But it wasn’t the same as her home. She needed flight. She needed sunshine. Even in this small space, spending time in the light was not the same. She began to wither and her heart became heavy. The two-legged saw her change and allowed her to be let free in his dwelling place. She flew around gratefully, showing off her beautiful colors, singing loudly and began to preen. The two-legged was pleased. She took a liking to him and spent time curiously looking over him to see what he was doing. She watched his many tasks and pondered over their meaning. She was excited—just as she had hoped, she was learning something different, outside her jungle, outside the comfort of her brilliant forest. But she missed and longed for her children. She would perch at the clear opening of the dwelling, which still allowed her to close her eyes and be thankful to the light as it set each day.

There was a routine. She arose, flew around, perched over her two-legged, and watched him work. She pecked at her food, explored her dwelling. But again, it was not enough. In the heat of the afternoon, she would perch as close as she could to the clear boundary between her and the outside world. And she would say thank you to the light as it fell below the sky every night. In her dreams, she would see the brilliant points of light from well beyond the jungle, high above her like jewels, and she would dream of flying as high as she could. She was happy in her dreams. But every morning, she awoke again to the sadness of being in this little dwelling, away from her world of buzzing and screeching and whistling and life.

Finally, the two-legged began to carefully look at her. Her feathers were coming out. Her joy was gone. She could not fly around because she had no reason to fly. She sat in her corner on her perch and just stared out the great clear barrier between her and her world. The two-legged felt compassion. She could feel his heart break as hers was broken as well. He carefully put her in a dark, small space and she was terrified, but she trusted him. He took her into his large, noisy, crawling creature and eventually stopped where it was familiar to her. She knew she was no longer in his dwelling place! And in one act of sheer kindness, she emerged from the dark space and saw that she was near her beloved jungle! She flew high above and circled her two-legged, bowed to him in thanks and screeched with a sound so loud she even scared herself. And she flew right out into the thickness of her forest and searched high and low for her children. Reunited once again, she was finally filled with joy. And that night, as she perched on a branch and looked into the colorful, dimming light, she said thanks to her Source and fell fast asleep.

It took months to grow all her plumage back. It was a long, hard recovery. But the waterfall never felt so good. And the fruit never tasted so sweet. And the seeds never had such life force for her. And this opened her to a new adventure…the curiosity once again gave her the strength to explore. But she decided at that moment, there would be plenty of time to adventure, someday, but today she would be with her family and rest in the canopy of her beloved jungle.

No matter how much she wanted to change, no matter how far she wanted to go, she was still a bird. She would always have two wings. She would always be brightly colored. And she was always going to need her jungle, her canopy, her waterfall, and her children.