I am not going to "date". I am tired of going through the motions of meeting others, finding out the basics, just to realize I have no interest beyond the initial conversation. There is no "magic formula" for ferreting out someone compatible. And when my life seems more like John Cusack's character, Rob Gordon, in "High Fidelity" and I find myself reminiscing over the past crashed-and-burned disasters, I am in awe that 1. I survived and 2. I am still looking for the ideal partner. What the heck am I doing??
Now, for all my inquisitive and somewhat curious friends who wonder why I have run so far and fast from settling down, there are definite reasons for my irrational disappearing acts and city-hopping adventures. But it all boils down to this: I cannot be committed to someone non-committal. Thus am I searching for the perfect blend of commitment and impulsive romance. Maybe I find it difficult to come down to Earth long enough to allow others to be their human-selves. Am I gracious enough to allow my partners to be as flawed as I am? Yes. But I come across as a perfectionist of sorts since I demand it within myself. I need someone as quirky and yet intellectual and high-minded as me. All I ask for is mutual altruism and everything else will fall into place. (By the way, from my experiences, THAT is the mythological creature that one sees hiding deep in the forest in reflection, but it never seems to appear directly because it may not exist...)
My experiences in the dating world are vast and many of my anecdotes are hilarious. But truthfully, I question the rationale of the human longing for companionship--in the mirror, I look into my own soul and question, "What am I looking to accomplish by loving another human as my partner and equal??". I don't mean physically necessarily, though chemistry is important. Do I reflect these characteristics I want in a partner? Not always. So I need to be more attentive and show that part of myself more often. I believe I will attract what I emulate; so who am I when nobody is looking? And why do I so often attract those considered "handsome" skin-deep who don't have the same passion for life and humanity as me? Because I need to show my love for humanity more!
Why is it so hard to live with someone yet so difficult to be without? If we are truly meant to be "together", man and woman, or in any form of partnership (gender non-specific), then why do we create so many divisions of ideology, sociology and culture? Or better yet, why do others believe they can "change" their partners to be more aligned with their own narcissistic goals--as do I?? I know, I'm hitting this subject hard, but it is worth tearing it apart in order to remove the parts that are no longer necessary.
Soul Mates: More Than Just Partners
Let's dig a little. I am reading "Soul Mates" by Thomas Moore. Having a similar ideology, I find it refreshing that someone has uncovered a vast anthropological/sociological study of the Soul and Spirit phenomenon. I am a very Spiritual person. Many who know me realize I live my life in the clouds, often Olympus-style, as I find the archetypes of humanity and deity to be reflections of the same dimensional growth plates within the 3D human existence we call Life on Earth. Soul is often described as that part of ourself that is rooted to the planet--the way we connect, attach and communicate with those among us on this rock formation. You know how it feels--we have a strong memory of how life has influenced us and we find comfort and longing in the Past. Sometimes it's a place, a person, a town we grew up in, a school we attended, a love we once had, and subconsciously, a possible past life experience. These past attachments are food for our Soul's evolution. These are the seeds once planted that have painstakingly provided fruit and lovingly blossomed into familiar sights, sounds and smells that remind us of a more simple time in our lives.
It is contrary to our society of fast-paced intellectual pursuit: Soul growth evolves patience, memory, retreat, time spent in the Valley of Life; we cling to the closeness we find to those attachments on Earth. We find solace in those memories we play back to make us feel "human" and part of the larger community to which we bonded as a child or adolescent. Sometimes, when it comes to relationships, we have moments where we try to find those who were impressive to our Soul-life, like ex-relationships and first-loves, the magnetism of that first encounter and we dream of the passion of these moments of attachment before marriage and/or commitment. Often we find our inner fires flared by these memories--we often long for the excitement that will drone out the everyday monotony of growth that is expected of us in marriage and raising children. But strangely enough, it is the slow-burning fire of the everyday and non-consequential that gives the Soul its character.
The Spirit is the antithesis, the other half, of the Soul. The Spirit in our being, the "god"-energy that propels us forward; is the constant reminder of change and movement. This energy, as opposed to the deeply rooted longing of the Soul's story, grabs us by the hand and takes flight--allowing us to see that the Spirit is not limited to Earthly dimensions. We are nourished by the limitless creation of the Imagination, the soaring of the mind and the creativity of the life force that allows us to ask, "Why am I here?" We that live in the Spiritual realm LIVE outside the proverbial "box." The only downside I see to this love of living without borders is that we often find root-planting a tedious and mundane task. We lose the flavor of the first morning dew as it settles upon our ripening vines and shoots of tender grasses emerging within our own Elysian Fields... The Soul's job as it unites with the Spirit is to warn us not to fly too close to the Sun so that we don't plummet to Earth when our wings become too hot.
The idea of "detachment" (Buddhist principle of releasing one's suffering from our Soul-life and creating a daily practice of letting go) is fantastic if we want to evolve into a species released from memories and past experiences. However, I am now, for the first time, understanding the balance of Evolution within the Soul-Spirit complex as it relates to acceptance of one's past experiences!! Why NOT hurt profusely over that first love that left us empty and broken hearted? Why NOT feel the deep pain of suffering when a child leaves us in search of something more than we have to offer? Why NOT grieve and pine over the loss of the one love that we thought would become our true destiny?
Okay for example, the whole Star Wars series comes to mind when I grieve over the loss of what I would have thought was True Love. I know, archetypal and stereotypical, right? But seriously, when we saw Padme fall for Anakin Skywalker, didn't you feel that momentary twinge of Oh-My-God before we realized that the horrible beast we know as Darth Vader was once in love with a beautiful princess and lost the future of being with his Soul Mate because he was thrown out of grace and destroyed by those he thought he trusted? How freaking sad and fictional. Right? So is it better to have detachment within ones longings so that we avoid suffering? I say no--I would rather grieve a melancholy relationship's death than never have had the experience at all.
I was married once. A long time ago. I truly and whole-heartedly believed the man I married was "the one". I truly followed my Spirit-self and honored the construct of marriage as it was delineated within my own sociological belief system so that I could be the Perfect Wife and Partner for a man whom I thought would be the Soul Mate to my idealistic image of Partner. I followed the guidelines within my religious beliefs to a "t", thinking that I would be with the man who would leave his father and mother and cleave to me as his other half...
Hilarious. I married the wrong guy. I can't tell you who the "right guy" would have been. And truth is, my children came from this Union of false pretence, so hey, I can't complain too much. I have the most beautiful and amazing children on the planet, in my humble opinion. So I married the wrong parter in my quest for the Perfect Mate, but I have 3 awesome kids to show that in spite of my naivety, I still made the right decision. I was injured immensely by my own idealism because it wasn't realistic. But do I give up on my ideals because he was less than what I needed? No way! In fact the opposite, now I know who I AM so I will not ignore those signs in the future of traits that are not compatible with mine. We live and learn.
Earth and Sky: Molding the Perfection of Humanity
There are dozens of historical mythologies that explain the love of the Universe to the Earth through the use of Soul Mate language. In the Mayan Popul Vuh, we see that Heart-Of-Sky (The Creator) spoke into being all things on Earth. The gods Hurricane and Plumed Serpent (also known as Quetzalcoatl) fashioned the Earth and all life upon it. After the first group of men, made of wood, were destroyed in a Great Flood, a young goddess, Xquic, was impregnated by the fruit of a tree that was a god and gave birth to the Hero Twins. The Norse mythology was similar and just as infused in sexual union. Ymir, the first Giant, was born of the fire and ice of the Earth. First male and first female came from his armpit (how romantic). The great cow Audumla was born out of the ice, and he licked the ice into the shape of the female giant Buri. Buri's son Bor married Ymir's daughter and they had the first gods, Odin, Vili and Ve.
Adam and Eve were also formed by Yahweh according to the Torah. They also had children whom would have had to marry siblings to start the first race of mankind. The Egyptian goddess Isis married her brother Osiris, which caused his brother Seth jealousy and rage so that Horus killed Osiris and Isis had to put him back together again. In Maori mythology, Ranginui was the sky father. In this story, the sky father and earth mother Papatuanuku, embraced and had divine children. We see across the world the use of Gaia as Mother Earth and the Heavens are called Father Sky. Children born of the Union are among the great natural creations of the planet (ocean, wind, rivers, natural disasters, volcanoes, etc). Growing pains are akin to the Earth's shiftings and changings.
But these animistic and mythological characteristics are directly related to the human behavior that labeled them as such. Every belief separates MALE and FEMALE, MAN and WOMAN, GOD and GODDESS. Every story of creation and the awakening of the Planet has elements of procreation, connection of Soul-Earth and Spirit-Sky. the planting of the seeds and awakening and the blossoming of the Tree of Life. So I'm an idealist and a lover of poetry. And I stay young by finding these images among the clouds and meditating while on a swingset. What memories and attachments create that fission of atomic explosion between your Earth and Sky Union?
So what is that EXPLOSION within you? When does your fire and ice meet to flow into life? I love the mess. I hate the breakup. I miss the passion when it's gone but don't miss the fighting or the anger. I want the electricity that the gods and goddesses throw at us. But most would rather have the comfort of a nice wedding, an average home, a backyard for the kids, and a decent school district. Do I wait for that alchemy or do I give in to "settling"? And the worst choice is when we have to make that decision when we already HAD that passion and it's gone...what can replace what was once not replaceable?
Exp>Dating and the Tragedy of Comedy
As I mentioned, I have done the reminiscing thing. As we all go through processing grief, we either feel totally alone or seek out comfort and help through our sadness. Or we go back and rationalize WHY we got ourselves into the position of being in that position. Comedy out of tragedy: it would be great if everything ended like it does in Hollywood. But, of course, with the liberation of familial ties and marital bonding for life, we have created a great society filled with comedic tragedies:
- Men who are single are considered The Bachelor of The Year; Women who are single are still considered the "spinster" type if they choose not to marry or have kids by their 30's. When is a man allowed to be lonely? And when is a woman allowed to be happily single? Sexual conquest is the most celebrated and still controversial part of dating in U.S. culture in the 21st century.
- Like Zeus, Odin and Solomon, a man is considered a god if he has conquests. This is still true today among many cultures and beliefs. If a woman was to do the same, she would be labeled derogatory names. Why can a man have a wife half his age and woman not be given the same allowance of acceptance? Truth is, whether you agree with it or not, even if you find it disgusting or perverted, a man with a young woman on his arm is still accepted world-wide.
- A woman aging, however normal, is considered "washed up" according to our standards of false beauty--even the goddess stories tell of those who are given eternal beauty are blessed. But a man ages and he is distinguished. I know dozens of women who would still want to see Sean Connery in bed (born in 1930), but I don't know many men who would approve of a woman the same age in theirs.
- Women over 20 date for romance and marriage. Women over 30 date for romance and sex. Women over 40 date for stability. And women over 50 date for companionship. Men always date for sex, sometimes date for romance, seldom date for stability. But they too date for companionship.
- The best part about these generalizations is that, regardless of whether or not you agree with them, they are still true. Not always accurate but still true.
The most amazing part of my "High Fidelity" experience is that I am going back and finding all those ex's are actually either very interesting and most of them very married (and loyal, btw ladies), or they are thrilled to be in touch with me again. I am excited to make old friends my new acquaintances again, which is a pleasant surprise, thanks to the modern technology of the internet and social media. And in the greater scheme of things, I am thrilled to be myself again!! I do love those old Soul attachments and memories.
But now,
On the flip side, to all my gentlemen friends, I am NOT LOOKING FOR SEX. No seriously.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Virtual Connections--An Allegory of Reality
We live in an amazing time! Think back when there were no cell phones. And when the first CD's were released. I remember where I was when I wanted to use the first hand-held video camera to make my own commercials--and now kids can pick up a camera the size of a playing card to download onto this thing called the internet to create their own webcasts! And here I am, drinking coffee and listening to the birds in the palm trees, while I type on my miniature laptop and create my own stories--and I have a way to share them with everyone though social media sites! Our high school reunions have been through the use of connections and everyone I talk to responds to me on these communities and we can even share our children growing up together through that little camera attached to my little box. And my daughter does her homework via the interactive information sites on the web. And my son can keep in touch with me. And my baby girl started her own club online--the next generation of leaders. We are doing something right. I am grateful for those pioneers who stuck their necks out repeatedly to put out a marvelous, life-changing system of codes that created these innovations for us.
Many people, however, panic at the thought of "invasion of privacy." I have heard from many that they fear what is out there because they don't want the government or whomever to interfere in their lives. This, my friends, is hogwash. First, if the US Government is so inclined through what we allowed to pass as the Patriot Act to monitor for the good of the Nation our every move, so freaking what. I want them to see what I think about what they have done or not done. Second, the more we put ourselves out there, the less likely we fear "invasion" and the more we live our lives as we should. In fact, look at it this way. Those that create those systems of control (agencies who believe it is in our best interest that we are monitored) are more afraid of their own shadow than the millions of us that are angry at the constant stream of injustices within the very nation's borders that created such an act. So why be afraid or upset? We have this technology before us to express what we truly think and feel. Nobody will have the same exact idea, we are still individuals. But we have these gifts of innovation that allow us to be as open about our joy and our children as we have the freedom of expression to share our disdain as well.
So beyond the illusions of control and fear, we have another, more pressing issue at work here. We have the illusion of constructs. The collective consciousness of everyone on this planet is connected. Now, you could have argued with me a dozen or so years ago--six degrees of separation and all that--but we now have the internet. So, even if we did not wish to evolve into a collected and globally reaching nation, we were already destined to do so. But it's in this knowledge that we must also face the other fears we constructed: we are also connected to the thousands we do not relate to and whom many hate or are afraid of being connected to: those of other countries, races, colors, ideologies and religious, many of our kind who believe they are "evil" or "satanic" in nature. I am fully aware that I too have these prejudices that were instilled in me and for which I have had to spend my lifetime ridding myself of these thoughts and constructs. I have had some tragedies in my own life and who I once thought were my "people" and my affiliations are no longer as such because of the handful of selfish, toxic people who created a negative construct for me--the "Religious Right." I have nothing but love for those who have hurt me, and I still struggle with self-righteousness because I feel sorry for them. I am not the Buddha so I am not all loving and detached! But I try.
Meanwhile, I challenge you. Think of this: what are your constructs? What do you believe? Who do you find to be different from you and to whom or what do you answer? Tell me, do you have anger or hatred to the Jihad and suicide bombers of extremist Islamic groups? Do you find you talk to your closest friends and relatives of how shallow people are in Hollywood, or how much you can't stand rap stars or the latest pop sensation? Or do you watch the news and comment how disgusting you find those people whose mugshots are shown on the evening news can be because they killed another drug dealer or raped or murdered someone?
What are you thinking? No seriously. What are the actual thoughts that go through your head every day? Let's go back to the above examples and I am going to bring all this together. (What, you can't understand what modern technology, the Patriot Act, and extremist religions have to do with you? No, I'm not smoking anything.) We are a collective, connected Creation. We are not separate from that which created us! You and I and Mohammed in Afghanistan and that yogi master in India and that child in Australia and those farmers in China and the indigenous tribes of Brazil who have not been named or recorded--WE ARE ALL CONNECTED. And now, more than ever, we can prove this--we have these articles and words and connections all on the internet! We have Google and Yahoo and MSN and the world wide web. Every place that exists on this planet and thousands that we see outside our universe are written about, photographed and recorded through this macrosystem of ones and zeros that translates itself into thousands of languages and megapixels and finds its way into our personal space on the web. The true web of life is virtually streamed into your consciousness! Isn't that amazing??
So many who have come before us in fear, who impose rules and regulations and Acts to impose order or to try and limit freedom cannot do so. The Chinese government may not want its constituents receiving information freely. But it's still out there to find. Even the "bad" stuff, like pornography and American violence in cinema, is still a part of the greater whole on the internet. We allow the American press agencies to show us how bad the world is when a major disaster strikes. We allow forums like meetup.com and craigslist.org to connect us when we need something. We allow music to flow freely and movies to be downloaded. And we can even watch our favorite television programs, sometimes for a price. We capitalize on wholesale-retail commerce through website constructs that sell everything from cars to clothing to pieces of land. And we communicate to one another.
This comes to my final point thus far: so what do you do with this information? If your conscious mind is connected to criminals, extremists, prejudices, governments, and all other sorts of corruptions, how do you manage your thoughts, what you do and with whom you connect? According to the comprehensive yet considerably subjective site called Wikipedia, "Collective consciousness refers to the shared beliefs and moral attitudes which operate as a unifying force within society." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collective_consciousness). Have you heard of the terminology "memes"? A meme is suppose to be a quantifiable unit of information that is passed from one being to another which in turn affects the receiver's genetic code. This is an amazing concept. If we are affected by our input, and we evolve accordingly (emotional development is a symptom to this collected information being downloaded onto our brainwaves-hard drive), then it is also our responsibility to affect those around us in kind.
What am I saying? I am pointing out that it is all of our responsibility to go back to basics and learn what it takes to create a greater society: Do unto others as you would have done to you. One statement that affects us all. How do we do that? We have to re-think our thoughts! We must rewire our brains. We need to take a step outside ourselves (not literally unless you have the awareness to do so) and see what we are inputting and outputting each day. If everyone of us that does this teaches others to do so, we have affected those by one degree. If we put it out for those who we have affected to teach the next generation, or their friends, and so forth, we can affect two degrees or three degrees and so on. I write this today because I am fully aware that I can send this message to many who will affect even further, from my friends who are missionaries (hello to all those from Wheaton!) to those who are professors and scientists, to those who live in the US under that very same Patriot Act, to those who I know throughout the world who I have met along the way who I share a common forum and chat through Facebook and other social forums.
I have recently become an ordained minister of sorts. SO now I have a new forum and also even a minimal elevation of responsibility to enhance my own existing network so I may give freely the gifts of gratefulness and true love and compassion to all who come into contact with me. So you want to know my thoughts? They are thus: I truly love everyone as I love myself. And my experience on this planet we call Earth will be one of creating a light that will affect MY world and those around me because I am truly grateful we are all connected. As for the destroyers of this world, I see you too. And so does everyone else. So we will have to embrace that part of ourself that is destructive, learn to love it, and evolve. So we can change as a Collective.
Anyone want to come over for a cup of coffee and listen to the birds with me?
Many people, however, panic at the thought of "invasion of privacy." I have heard from many that they fear what is out there because they don't want the government or whomever to interfere in their lives. This, my friends, is hogwash. First, if the US Government is so inclined through what we allowed to pass as the Patriot Act to monitor for the good of the Nation our every move, so freaking what. I want them to see what I think about what they have done or not done. Second, the more we put ourselves out there, the less likely we fear "invasion" and the more we live our lives as we should. In fact, look at it this way. Those that create those systems of control (agencies who believe it is in our best interest that we are monitored) are more afraid of their own shadow than the millions of us that are angry at the constant stream of injustices within the very nation's borders that created such an act. So why be afraid or upset? We have this technology before us to express what we truly think and feel. Nobody will have the same exact idea, we are still individuals. But we have these gifts of innovation that allow us to be as open about our joy and our children as we have the freedom of expression to share our disdain as well.
So beyond the illusions of control and fear, we have another, more pressing issue at work here. We have the illusion of constructs. The collective consciousness of everyone on this planet is connected. Now, you could have argued with me a dozen or so years ago--six degrees of separation and all that--but we now have the internet. So, even if we did not wish to evolve into a collected and globally reaching nation, we were already destined to do so. But it's in this knowledge that we must also face the other fears we constructed: we are also connected to the thousands we do not relate to and whom many hate or are afraid of being connected to: those of other countries, races, colors, ideologies and religious, many of our kind who believe they are "evil" or "satanic" in nature. I am fully aware that I too have these prejudices that were instilled in me and for which I have had to spend my lifetime ridding myself of these thoughts and constructs. I have had some tragedies in my own life and who I once thought were my "people" and my affiliations are no longer as such because of the handful of selfish, toxic people who created a negative construct for me--the "Religious Right." I have nothing but love for those who have hurt me, and I still struggle with self-righteousness because I feel sorry for them. I am not the Buddha so I am not all loving and detached! But I try.
Meanwhile, I challenge you. Think of this: what are your constructs? What do you believe? Who do you find to be different from you and to whom or what do you answer? Tell me, do you have anger or hatred to the Jihad and suicide bombers of extremist Islamic groups? Do you find you talk to your closest friends and relatives of how shallow people are in Hollywood, or how much you can't stand rap stars or the latest pop sensation? Or do you watch the news and comment how disgusting you find those people whose mugshots are shown on the evening news can be because they killed another drug dealer or raped or murdered someone?
What are you thinking? No seriously. What are the actual thoughts that go through your head every day? Let's go back to the above examples and I am going to bring all this together. (What, you can't understand what modern technology, the Patriot Act, and extremist religions have to do with you? No, I'm not smoking anything.) We are a collective, connected Creation. We are not separate from that which created us! You and I and Mohammed in Afghanistan and that yogi master in India and that child in Australia and those farmers in China and the indigenous tribes of Brazil who have not been named or recorded--WE ARE ALL CONNECTED. And now, more than ever, we can prove this--we have these articles and words and connections all on the internet! We have Google and Yahoo and MSN and the world wide web. Every place that exists on this planet and thousands that we see outside our universe are written about, photographed and recorded through this macrosystem of ones and zeros that translates itself into thousands of languages and megapixels and finds its way into our personal space on the web. The true web of life is virtually streamed into your consciousness! Isn't that amazing??
So many who have come before us in fear, who impose rules and regulations and Acts to impose order or to try and limit freedom cannot do so. The Chinese government may not want its constituents receiving information freely. But it's still out there to find. Even the "bad" stuff, like pornography and American violence in cinema, is still a part of the greater whole on the internet. We allow the American press agencies to show us how bad the world is when a major disaster strikes. We allow forums like meetup.com and craigslist.org to connect us when we need something. We allow music to flow freely and movies to be downloaded. And we can even watch our favorite television programs, sometimes for a price. We capitalize on wholesale-retail commerce through website constructs that sell everything from cars to clothing to pieces of land. And we communicate to one another.
This comes to my final point thus far: so what do you do with this information? If your conscious mind is connected to criminals, extremists, prejudices, governments, and all other sorts of corruptions, how do you manage your thoughts, what you do and with whom you connect? According to the comprehensive yet considerably subjective site called Wikipedia, "Collective consciousness refers to the shared beliefs and moral attitudes which operate as a unifying force within society." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collective_consciousness). Have you heard of the terminology "memes"? A meme is suppose to be a quantifiable unit of information that is passed from one being to another which in turn affects the receiver's genetic code. This is an amazing concept. If we are affected by our input, and we evolve accordingly (emotional development is a symptom to this collected information being downloaded onto our brainwaves-hard drive), then it is also our responsibility to affect those around us in kind.
What am I saying? I am pointing out that it is all of our responsibility to go back to basics and learn what it takes to create a greater society: Do unto others as you would have done to you. One statement that affects us all. How do we do that? We have to re-think our thoughts! We must rewire our brains. We need to take a step outside ourselves (not literally unless you have the awareness to do so) and see what we are inputting and outputting each day. If everyone of us that does this teaches others to do so, we have affected those by one degree. If we put it out for those who we have affected to teach the next generation, or their friends, and so forth, we can affect two degrees or three degrees and so on. I write this today because I am fully aware that I can send this message to many who will affect even further, from my friends who are missionaries (hello to all those from Wheaton!) to those who are professors and scientists, to those who live in the US under that very same Patriot Act, to those who I know throughout the world who I have met along the way who I share a common forum and chat through Facebook and other social forums.
I have recently become an ordained minister of sorts. SO now I have a new forum and also even a minimal elevation of responsibility to enhance my own existing network so I may give freely the gifts of gratefulness and true love and compassion to all who come into contact with me. So you want to know my thoughts? They are thus: I truly love everyone as I love myself. And my experience on this planet we call Earth will be one of creating a light that will affect MY world and those around me because I am truly grateful we are all connected. As for the destroyers of this world, I see you too. And so does everyone else. So we will have to embrace that part of ourself that is destructive, learn to love it, and evolve. So we can change as a Collective.
Anyone want to come over for a cup of coffee and listen to the birds with me?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Chapter 4: Relationships---People Pressure and the Gift of Discernment
Once you begin to familiarize yourself with the worlds of love that benefit your environment—your agape (your being, doing, wants, needs and desires), you will begin to see that there are objects, experiences and paths you don’t need! This is a great revelation for those who are bombarded with peer pressure or feel compelled to act or look like what we are “told” is successful or beautiful or popular. People will begin to see that your inner being is reflecting more and you will notice others around you that want to know what you have been doing that makes you so, well, different.
The truth is once you start looking at everything you are given as a gift—your family, your friends, your city, your body, your situation—you will desire to be centered more and more. You will be blessed with more and more abundance of gifts because the Universe responds to your gratefulness as a reflection of the receiving of gifts. Going back to the example of the visualization: Do you really desire that which you visualized? Do you need that cell phone (whatever object you chose)? Is it important to you for the right reason (your beliefs)? And can you look upon it objectively as just that—an experience for this lifetime?
Let me explain a little more before I am ready to explore another “world.” You may ask, “Why would I receive more blessings by being more grateful?” Well, the Universe sees everything as a gift! The “good” and the “bad” are gifts we receive regardless of their initial origin. Okay, bear with me. IF we have thoughts that go out to the Universe/Collective Consciousness that are constantly “negative” in nature by definition, we will receive what we send out. It’s like a radio system that allows us to gauge the outcome of our thoughts, whether or not we are aware of it, that allows us to receive what we believe we deserve!! Is this starting to make sense?
If we believe we deserve what the world around us gives us, we cannot change the outcome of our thoughts which then give us what we have sent out. Therefore if we constantly think upon the negative of the Universe—disasters, accidents, and our fears of death—we create those realms around us. NOW I am not saying we subconsciously want cancer or a terminal illness, but these too are given to us as part of our life experience! It’s a weird concept, I know, but it’s true.
Now, being grateful for everything, including disasters and illnesses, then allows the Universe to give us the experiences and needs we desire by returning higher vibrations. We find disasters heart-wrenching and we are saddened by the loss of human lives, especially if they are around us or we are directly impacted by them. But after the sadness dissipates, what can we find grateful about those experiences? Maybe that we are alive!! Or that they are not suffering from illness or poverty or anything that physically challenged them. Or that the loss creates awareness of our own humanity (this will definitely be explored later).
We desire what we need. And we think about these needs. Our needs may be elemental like housing and food and shelter, but they can be more in depth such as recovering from a loss and safe travel and passage. They can also be the higher thoughts that can help a child that is raised impoverished to achieve their goals—they are focused more on the outcome and whatever it takes by the gifts of the challenges of their environment.
So again, I challenge you to look within. What do you think? What is going through your head? Do you sit and watch the news and find yourself miserable in your daily life? Or do you find outlets to learn that create a more pleasant environment? Remember I talked about agape love? What is your environment like?
People Are Strange—Creating our Own Worlds in the Company of Others
In this chapter, I want to explore philia love – the relationships we have with other souls who connect us together with our world. You love those who are around you for different reasons. You love your parents (possibly), or siblings, or friends, or spouse, or coworkers, or the guy who serves you coffee in the mornings, as a way of reflecting your own love for humanity. It’s the construct of the human “family” that gives you that kind of love. We are all created to look, sound, and breathe alike. I mean, yes, we may not understand each other exactly (some people speak other languages, others have a different physical appearance), but we all are born, live and die. Right?
Interestingly, our thoughts internally are also fed and nurtured by our relationships with others around us. For instance, we may spend an hour everyday meditating, focusing on our dreams, imagining a beautiful world around us. But as soon as the meditation and quiet time is over, we enter the real world and spend the other 16 hours or so in the day with other people awake. Then if we are lucky, we can focus our minds in our dreams on those pleasant experiences we want to manifest unconsciously. But that is not always something we can remember.
So how do we see and react to those around us? Who is closest to you in your inner circle? Do you have intimate relationships with others, such as parents, children, or partners, who are a positive reflection of you, who tell you the good and the bad, and who can nurture your dreams and growth? This is all too often not a reality. It is usually those closest to us that are the most challenging to our growth.
Let’s dispel a major obstacle to this kind of relationship love: prejudice. We are taught to create a barrier between us and “them”. Do you have a “them” from whom you learned to be separate? Again, this goes back to your thoughts. Dig deep. Or maybe just look at the surface of those around you. What color is your skin? What color do you “see” yourself? This is not rocket science. Your eyes tell you that your skin is the shade you see it. Right? Now, what do you see around you with your closest relationships? What do you feel about the color of the skin of those around you?? Do you have any prejudices? Do you think to yourself, “those people are not related to me because they have a different skin color.” If so, we need to work on this before we move on.
More Than Skin Deep – Going Further Within
Now, seeing that those around us are the most challenging most often, did anyone in your family or your life teach you that we are different because of skin color? Okay, if that’s the case, then that’s where you start to peel away the layers of thought. Radical idea number one: Nobody is different because of skin color. That is a learned social construct, and it is not real. It is only as real as we make it out to be. We may not “relate” to someone because our parents, friends and family tell us that those of another “color” act or think differently from us. But do they really? I mean, don’t they too worry about what others think of them? Don’t they too have parents and siblings and friends? Don’t they too face challenges because of their personal experiences. Of course they do. So what separates us by color is only based on a system of irrational fear and false teachings.
The first time I experienced a truly racist experience was in high school. We used to travel a lot with our acting competitions, called Speech Teams, throughout the Chicago area. I remember the reactions of my teammates going into predominantly racially differing neighborhoods and the false elicitations of fear. Once we traveled to a high school that had locks on the doors and metal detectors at the entrances. This was because there were gang problems within their city’s social systems. We never truly understood the challenge by analyzing our own reactions. All we knew was that they lived in a “different” world because they had to deal with local violence and prevention, whereas we did not have those challenges in our school.
Yet, the immediate association was that it was because they were African-Americans living in an inner city school system. Wow. How do we go from metal detectors and violence to skin color? We are taught this. So that is how we reacted—associating the two together. I can’t recall an exact comment from anyone on the team, I just remember the sentiments of uneasiness caused by the entranceway of the school.
Does this mean all African-American schools have that kind of violence because they are a violent group of people? Heck no! But we have to deal with the media’s idea of African-based countries and the violence and terrorism that is caused by the social constructs of some, not all, of these environmental systems. We see what has happened to dictatorships in Africa, the destruction to Haiti (most recently with the series of earthquakes that has changed their nation completely), the gang violence in major cities in our country, and the poverty that is associated within these communities.
But this has nothing to do with skin color. It has to do with hundreds of years of being told that skin color mattered that created systems of imbalance, like apartheid in South Africa and European-based dominance and slavery. These conditions exist. Yes. But does that mean that all babies born with brown or black-hued skin are violent? No way!! So why do we as a nation “label” and treat people differently?
How about you? Using more than just that example, how do you see people around you with different colored skin? Do you look upon them as equals? Or do you see that maybe your life lessons are not much different than theirs? Do you think that on this gigantic planet we call Earth that there may be people that have a different language or country or skin color that are more loving, more caring and more attentive to their compassionate, giving self than you? Of course there are. And does it not occur to you that maybe they have it better off because of whatever their situation because then they are given tools that we may not have in their society to learn to love fully?
One Big Happy Family – Learning to Love the World We Live In
Let’s step outside ourselves and our family for a moment. Evaluate your immediate surroundings. Take our your notebook. Write down your closest relationships. Include everyone you experience or have experienced in your lifetime thus far that has been close to you (remember, include those who are no longer with us):
• Parents. The obvious first relationship you had was with your parents. It may have or have not been one or both biological beings that created you. It may include a step-parent, a grandparent, or a guardian who raised you. Write them all down.
• Siblings. Write down everyone that you include as a sibling, biological, by marriage, or somehow connected to you through a parental figure.
• Immediate Family. Include grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and all relatives as far out as you can go. List everyone you know influences you from your family tree.
• First Friends. Who are the closest friends you had in your life? Think of who you talk to on your social networks. But also remember those who you grew up with in your neighborhood environment.
• Teachers, Mentors and Leaders. Do you remember all your grade school teachers? Can you remember who taught you music, art, or coached your little league team? Do you have a memory of your family’s religious leaders (pastors, priests, rabbis, and so on). Or your parents’ friends and the neighbor kids’ parents?
• Associates, Coworkers, and Classmates. Who were closest to you in your early years growing up? Who did you hang out with, and who did you have to see on a regular basis? What clubs, sports, activities were you in? And how well did you get to know them? Do you remember that one person from summer camp or from the playground? Do you have a memory of that family that lived down the street, or the classmates who were with you throughout your life in school?
• Societal Members. And finally, take a look at those in your community, now and before, who had some kind of impact on you for some reason.
Once you have written down all those you can remember (if you are like me, there will be dozens of names to recollect), you can start by taking a few at a time, or working through until you have them all down. Now, write next to each name all the physical characteristics you know about them--height, weight, ethnicity, appearance. Write down your first thought about that person. You don’t have to go into much detail, but now finally write an emotion you have about them.
This is going to be your relationship guide. This is how you associate yourself with other people. Once you finish a simple list, go back and read every word you wrote. Here’s what I want you to do:
1. Physical appearance is a non-judgmental characteristic. It is a given—they were born into this particular appearance. Therefore this is not going to influence how you look at them unless you see a difference in them that causes you to think of them as “different”. For instance, if they were in a wheelchair, you would look at them as “handicapped” physically in some way, but do you see them as more or less fortunate than you?
2. Take a look at your emotional response to each individual you listed. Why did you write that particular word? Or why did you use that particular description? This is thus what YOU see in them and in the world. NOT who they may be.
3. Now the fun part begins: Take each name, and each one’s characteristics and emotions, and find ONE thing per person you see in them when you knew them that is the same as something about YOU. This is the mirror from which I want to see all your relationships as we progress throughout these chapters. How do you see them in relationship to yourself?
Here are some good examples:
Mother – physical appearance is obviously like me since it is related to me biologically. Socially, she is very outgoing and talkative like me. Emotionally, I find she is different because she likes to talk about other people often to others, which is a source of major contention between us. Do I find I do that? Sometimes. But do I mean it to be mean? Not really. Thus, should I be careful about what I say to other people about those closest to me. This is a resounding yes.
Son – looks just like my family, like me and my brothers especially. Shy and reflective. Dry sense of humor. Loving. But also sometimes gets angry at injustices and loses his temper. Do I do that too? Of course I do. Do I let it get at me? Yes. And do I sometimes say things out loud that may be hurtful when I feel wronged? Well…where do you think he got that from?
Best friend in high school – Very talented, beautiful voice, loving, great mom, adoring wife, amazing as a spiritual leader. When we spent time together in the younger years, she was very insecure with her relationships with men before she was married. It was a direct reflection of what I too experienced. Our methodologies were different, but we were the same type of woman—physically attractive women with insecurities within ourselves that limited us intimately. She was able to overcome this within her marriage. I was not. But I remembered what I learned from her—how to stand up for myself and not be a “door mat” in relationships with men. But it worked within my social construct for a time, but I eventually outgrew the paradigm of a submissive wife. It didn’t work for me.
Cousin – Compassionate to me as an adult when my children and I were homeless and needed a place to stay. But angry and reactive to her own children, and unable to relate to mine. Jealousy and a negative reaction to me caused us not to talk any longer. Do I still love her? Yes. Do I have negative feelings of that summer? Not really, but I do feel bad that she felt let down by what she thought I was and was not doing—it took me a long time to find a good job and I felt I was not able to pay her and her husband back for their generosity. My kids were affected by her reaction to her own children, which came across as angry and negative. But in the end, we both felt wronged in some way. Do I want to hear from her again? Most definitely. And I always think the best about her and her family.
Most difficult boss – I worked for a man once who had all the money you could ask for but was never happy. This sounds like an allegory but I guarantee he does exist. He had a beautiful and famous wife, two intelligent and creative children, and a multi-million dollar home within which I worked. Was I a great employee? Not always. But did I learn from him anything? Yes. I learned I would never marry an unhappy person again, I would never yell at my children and treat them disrespectfully. But mostly I learned that a shrewd business man can run a really tight ship and still never have what he truly wants: joy in his life. Why strive for monetary success if you have to belittle others to get it? Does it make me question my decision to work for him? No, it was one of my lessons. Was I happy that time in my life? Not really, so I attracted the same type of unhappiness—appeared on the outside as altogether, but inside he must have felt as empty as I did.
I could go on and come up with hundreds of examples. I have lived a fully experienced life when it comes to relationships. I have met the poorest people on Earth who are surrounded by love and contentment because of their family. And I have met the wealthiest and most miserable people that I could ever know. I met movie stars who were really humble and had nice families. I met drug dealers who really only cared about their children and thus created that lifestyle out of necessity. I have met religious leaders who beat their children. And I have met talented artists who hate being exploited in the press. And yet I still encounter the hurt and the downtrodden. What am I learning from them?
The truth is once you start looking at everything you are given as a gift—your family, your friends, your city, your body, your situation—you will desire to be centered more and more. You will be blessed with more and more abundance of gifts because the Universe responds to your gratefulness as a reflection of the receiving of gifts. Going back to the example of the visualization: Do you really desire that which you visualized? Do you need that cell phone (whatever object you chose)? Is it important to you for the right reason (your beliefs)? And can you look upon it objectively as just that—an experience for this lifetime?
Let me explain a little more before I am ready to explore another “world.” You may ask, “Why would I receive more blessings by being more grateful?” Well, the Universe sees everything as a gift! The “good” and the “bad” are gifts we receive regardless of their initial origin. Okay, bear with me. IF we have thoughts that go out to the Universe/Collective Consciousness that are constantly “negative” in nature by definition, we will receive what we send out. It’s like a radio system that allows us to gauge the outcome of our thoughts, whether or not we are aware of it, that allows us to receive what we believe we deserve!! Is this starting to make sense?
If we believe we deserve what the world around us gives us, we cannot change the outcome of our thoughts which then give us what we have sent out. Therefore if we constantly think upon the negative of the Universe—disasters, accidents, and our fears of death—we create those realms around us. NOW I am not saying we subconsciously want cancer or a terminal illness, but these too are given to us as part of our life experience! It’s a weird concept, I know, but it’s true.
Now, being grateful for everything, including disasters and illnesses, then allows the Universe to give us the experiences and needs we desire by returning higher vibrations. We find disasters heart-wrenching and we are saddened by the loss of human lives, especially if they are around us or we are directly impacted by them. But after the sadness dissipates, what can we find grateful about those experiences? Maybe that we are alive!! Or that they are not suffering from illness or poverty or anything that physically challenged them. Or that the loss creates awareness of our own humanity (this will definitely be explored later).
We desire what we need. And we think about these needs. Our needs may be elemental like housing and food and shelter, but they can be more in depth such as recovering from a loss and safe travel and passage. They can also be the higher thoughts that can help a child that is raised impoverished to achieve their goals—they are focused more on the outcome and whatever it takes by the gifts of the challenges of their environment.
So again, I challenge you to look within. What do you think? What is going through your head? Do you sit and watch the news and find yourself miserable in your daily life? Or do you find outlets to learn that create a more pleasant environment? Remember I talked about agape love? What is your environment like?
People Are Strange—Creating our Own Worlds in the Company of Others
In this chapter, I want to explore philia love – the relationships we have with other souls who connect us together with our world. You love those who are around you for different reasons. You love your parents (possibly), or siblings, or friends, or spouse, or coworkers, or the guy who serves you coffee in the mornings, as a way of reflecting your own love for humanity. It’s the construct of the human “family” that gives you that kind of love. We are all created to look, sound, and breathe alike. I mean, yes, we may not understand each other exactly (some people speak other languages, others have a different physical appearance), but we all are born, live and die. Right?
Interestingly, our thoughts internally are also fed and nurtured by our relationships with others around us. For instance, we may spend an hour everyday meditating, focusing on our dreams, imagining a beautiful world around us. But as soon as the meditation and quiet time is over, we enter the real world and spend the other 16 hours or so in the day with other people awake. Then if we are lucky, we can focus our minds in our dreams on those pleasant experiences we want to manifest unconsciously. But that is not always something we can remember.
So how do we see and react to those around us? Who is closest to you in your inner circle? Do you have intimate relationships with others, such as parents, children, or partners, who are a positive reflection of you, who tell you the good and the bad, and who can nurture your dreams and growth? This is all too often not a reality. It is usually those closest to us that are the most challenging to our growth.
Let’s dispel a major obstacle to this kind of relationship love: prejudice. We are taught to create a barrier between us and “them”. Do you have a “them” from whom you learned to be separate? Again, this goes back to your thoughts. Dig deep. Or maybe just look at the surface of those around you. What color is your skin? What color do you “see” yourself? This is not rocket science. Your eyes tell you that your skin is the shade you see it. Right? Now, what do you see around you with your closest relationships? What do you feel about the color of the skin of those around you?? Do you have any prejudices? Do you think to yourself, “those people are not related to me because they have a different skin color.” If so, we need to work on this before we move on.
More Than Skin Deep – Going Further Within
Now, seeing that those around us are the most challenging most often, did anyone in your family or your life teach you that we are different because of skin color? Okay, if that’s the case, then that’s where you start to peel away the layers of thought. Radical idea number one: Nobody is different because of skin color. That is a learned social construct, and it is not real. It is only as real as we make it out to be. We may not “relate” to someone because our parents, friends and family tell us that those of another “color” act or think differently from us. But do they really? I mean, don’t they too worry about what others think of them? Don’t they too have parents and siblings and friends? Don’t they too face challenges because of their personal experiences. Of course they do. So what separates us by color is only based on a system of irrational fear and false teachings.
The first time I experienced a truly racist experience was in high school. We used to travel a lot with our acting competitions, called Speech Teams, throughout the Chicago area. I remember the reactions of my teammates going into predominantly racially differing neighborhoods and the false elicitations of fear. Once we traveled to a high school that had locks on the doors and metal detectors at the entrances. This was because there were gang problems within their city’s social systems. We never truly understood the challenge by analyzing our own reactions. All we knew was that they lived in a “different” world because they had to deal with local violence and prevention, whereas we did not have those challenges in our school.
Yet, the immediate association was that it was because they were African-Americans living in an inner city school system. Wow. How do we go from metal detectors and violence to skin color? We are taught this. So that is how we reacted—associating the two together. I can’t recall an exact comment from anyone on the team, I just remember the sentiments of uneasiness caused by the entranceway of the school.
Does this mean all African-American schools have that kind of violence because they are a violent group of people? Heck no! But we have to deal with the media’s idea of African-based countries and the violence and terrorism that is caused by the social constructs of some, not all, of these environmental systems. We see what has happened to dictatorships in Africa, the destruction to Haiti (most recently with the series of earthquakes that has changed their nation completely), the gang violence in major cities in our country, and the poverty that is associated within these communities.
But this has nothing to do with skin color. It has to do with hundreds of years of being told that skin color mattered that created systems of imbalance, like apartheid in South Africa and European-based dominance and slavery. These conditions exist. Yes. But does that mean that all babies born with brown or black-hued skin are violent? No way!! So why do we as a nation “label” and treat people differently?
How about you? Using more than just that example, how do you see people around you with different colored skin? Do you look upon them as equals? Or do you see that maybe your life lessons are not much different than theirs? Do you think that on this gigantic planet we call Earth that there may be people that have a different language or country or skin color that are more loving, more caring and more attentive to their compassionate, giving self than you? Of course there are. And does it not occur to you that maybe they have it better off because of whatever their situation because then they are given tools that we may not have in their society to learn to love fully?
One Big Happy Family – Learning to Love the World We Live In
Let’s step outside ourselves and our family for a moment. Evaluate your immediate surroundings. Take our your notebook. Write down your closest relationships. Include everyone you experience or have experienced in your lifetime thus far that has been close to you (remember, include those who are no longer with us):
• Parents. The obvious first relationship you had was with your parents. It may have or have not been one or both biological beings that created you. It may include a step-parent, a grandparent, or a guardian who raised you. Write them all down.
• Siblings. Write down everyone that you include as a sibling, biological, by marriage, or somehow connected to you through a parental figure.
• Immediate Family. Include grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and all relatives as far out as you can go. List everyone you know influences you from your family tree.
• First Friends. Who are the closest friends you had in your life? Think of who you talk to on your social networks. But also remember those who you grew up with in your neighborhood environment.
• Teachers, Mentors and Leaders. Do you remember all your grade school teachers? Can you remember who taught you music, art, or coached your little league team? Do you have a memory of your family’s religious leaders (pastors, priests, rabbis, and so on). Or your parents’ friends and the neighbor kids’ parents?
• Associates, Coworkers, and Classmates. Who were closest to you in your early years growing up? Who did you hang out with, and who did you have to see on a regular basis? What clubs, sports, activities were you in? And how well did you get to know them? Do you remember that one person from summer camp or from the playground? Do you have a memory of that family that lived down the street, or the classmates who were with you throughout your life in school?
• Societal Members. And finally, take a look at those in your community, now and before, who had some kind of impact on you for some reason.
Once you have written down all those you can remember (if you are like me, there will be dozens of names to recollect), you can start by taking a few at a time, or working through until you have them all down. Now, write next to each name all the physical characteristics you know about them--height, weight, ethnicity, appearance. Write down your first thought about that person. You don’t have to go into much detail, but now finally write an emotion you have about them.
This is going to be your relationship guide. This is how you associate yourself with other people. Once you finish a simple list, go back and read every word you wrote. Here’s what I want you to do:
1. Physical appearance is a non-judgmental characteristic. It is a given—they were born into this particular appearance. Therefore this is not going to influence how you look at them unless you see a difference in them that causes you to think of them as “different”. For instance, if they were in a wheelchair, you would look at them as “handicapped” physically in some way, but do you see them as more or less fortunate than you?
2. Take a look at your emotional response to each individual you listed. Why did you write that particular word? Or why did you use that particular description? This is thus what YOU see in them and in the world. NOT who they may be.
3. Now the fun part begins: Take each name, and each one’s characteristics and emotions, and find ONE thing per person you see in them when you knew them that is the same as something about YOU. This is the mirror from which I want to see all your relationships as we progress throughout these chapters. How do you see them in relationship to yourself?
Here are some good examples:
Mother – physical appearance is obviously like me since it is related to me biologically. Socially, she is very outgoing and talkative like me. Emotionally, I find she is different because she likes to talk about other people often to others, which is a source of major contention between us. Do I find I do that? Sometimes. But do I mean it to be mean? Not really. Thus, should I be careful about what I say to other people about those closest to me. This is a resounding yes.
Son – looks just like my family, like me and my brothers especially. Shy and reflective. Dry sense of humor. Loving. But also sometimes gets angry at injustices and loses his temper. Do I do that too? Of course I do. Do I let it get at me? Yes. And do I sometimes say things out loud that may be hurtful when I feel wronged? Well…where do you think he got that from?
Best friend in high school – Very talented, beautiful voice, loving, great mom, adoring wife, amazing as a spiritual leader. When we spent time together in the younger years, she was very insecure with her relationships with men before she was married. It was a direct reflection of what I too experienced. Our methodologies were different, but we were the same type of woman—physically attractive women with insecurities within ourselves that limited us intimately. She was able to overcome this within her marriage. I was not. But I remembered what I learned from her—how to stand up for myself and not be a “door mat” in relationships with men. But it worked within my social construct for a time, but I eventually outgrew the paradigm of a submissive wife. It didn’t work for me.
Cousin – Compassionate to me as an adult when my children and I were homeless and needed a place to stay. But angry and reactive to her own children, and unable to relate to mine. Jealousy and a negative reaction to me caused us not to talk any longer. Do I still love her? Yes. Do I have negative feelings of that summer? Not really, but I do feel bad that she felt let down by what she thought I was and was not doing—it took me a long time to find a good job and I felt I was not able to pay her and her husband back for their generosity. My kids were affected by her reaction to her own children, which came across as angry and negative. But in the end, we both felt wronged in some way. Do I want to hear from her again? Most definitely. And I always think the best about her and her family.
Most difficult boss – I worked for a man once who had all the money you could ask for but was never happy. This sounds like an allegory but I guarantee he does exist. He had a beautiful and famous wife, two intelligent and creative children, and a multi-million dollar home within which I worked. Was I a great employee? Not always. But did I learn from him anything? Yes. I learned I would never marry an unhappy person again, I would never yell at my children and treat them disrespectfully. But mostly I learned that a shrewd business man can run a really tight ship and still never have what he truly wants: joy in his life. Why strive for monetary success if you have to belittle others to get it? Does it make me question my decision to work for him? No, it was one of my lessons. Was I happy that time in my life? Not really, so I attracted the same type of unhappiness—appeared on the outside as altogether, but inside he must have felt as empty as I did.
I could go on and come up with hundreds of examples. I have lived a fully experienced life when it comes to relationships. I have met the poorest people on Earth who are surrounded by love and contentment because of their family. And I have met the wealthiest and most miserable people that I could ever know. I met movie stars who were really humble and had nice families. I met drug dealers who really only cared about their children and thus created that lifestyle out of necessity. I have met religious leaders who beat their children. And I have met talented artists who hate being exploited in the press. And yet I still encounter the hurt and the downtrodden. What am I learning from them?
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